DOI Heft:
August 21, 1858
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16622#0081
n
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 21, 185b.
THE LOG OF THE PERA
(Continued from last week)
ime, Half past Six.—
Terrible tramping over-
head. Report being
brought in that they're
weighing anchor, some
inquiring-minded mem-
ber wants to know how
much it weighs. Ques-
tion is referred to a
W eighs and Means
Committee.
Seven.— Disturbed
Boreas. The Wiscount moves a reading of the Smoke Nuisance Pre-
vention Act, and proposes to enforce it upon all abaft the funnel. Old
Boreas, for amendment, proposes * That be blowshed !' and moves that
in addition to his other titles, the Wiscount have the title of a ' Thun-
dering Old Tobacco Stopper' immediately conferred upon him.
" One o'clock.—House still smoking. Sine Bacco frigei Venus, says
recondite Sam, who is always showing off his classical attainments.
Amendment of quotation moved to make it apposite. For 'Venus'
insert 1 Bonus' and translate, 'The House can't exist without
Tobacco.'
" Half past—House still smoking. Among the orders of the day
some beer has just been ordered.
out for' aborreloshoda-
wawr,with— at—jusha-
teashpoofleobranyinit.'
" Eight. — Disturb -
ance the fourth. (One
never gets a comfort-
able night's rest in a
steamboat.) It seems
that donkey of a Wiscount turned in on the top tier: perhaps that
he might dream he was a person of high berth. Never having been
" Quarter to.—Effects of the Salmon still at times perceptible.
Observation made, that while we have the Member for Derby on board
there's no possibility of our being without Bass. Brace of stale
jokes flushed: that the M.P. is never half sc bitter as his beer, and
for the third time by that his acts of charity are always Bass-reliefs.
Old Charley calling .
lwo.—Motion being made that the House do have more beer,'
the W. says the House is getting quite a pot-house, and proposes that
t he Pera be re-christened the Beera.
" Twent y past.—House still smoking. Fresh supplies of malt voted.
The Admiral's trying to explain to us the difference between nautical
and Horse- Guards' time. Says the nautical day begins at noon, and not
just after midnight as the landlubbers' day does; and is reckoned up
by bells, two to every hour. So, four o'clock on shore to-day at sea is
eight bells to-morrow. The House takes time to reflect upon this
riddle, but resolves at length to give it up and order some more beer.
the member of a Government, he has not had much practice m the art , „ Six Beus> A M> (Mem thaVs 3 0'cioc^ P.M.)—Several yachts sighted-
of turning out; and m attempting it just now, he inserted Ms Dig.toe . Qne of them seemg ifl Qucej. gtreet buf thg Admiral says that she>s
in the mouth of the 0 Mulligan, who was sleeping underneath mm. in stftys House agking explanatioilj the Admiral mystifies it more by
Irish row in consequence, by which I m kept awake till j explaining very lucidly, that she was forced to come about or she'd
" A quarter to Nine.—Ayrton begins talking. Fall asleep directly, have run athwart our hawse, and if she'd tried to bear away, you
and don't wake until S know> sne must have gone to leeward, for, you see, she couldn't luff.
" Ten— I dream I'm Mrs. Gamp, and wake myself by crying out,
' Drat that cussed bell!' {Mem. Mind I bring a Bill in to abolish
Bells on Steamboats.)
" Quarter past — I'm Sairey Gamp again. Conflustricate the bell!
Can't get a-wink-of-sl-hmm-bqkz!zaipql.
tt . c it 11' r» u_„„iri\,o+ v„0j„ ,-c if? "Twenty Bells (or thereabouts, couldn't stop to count them)—The
Half past.— Somebody shaking me. O breaklast s ready, is it.': i£n „„ tA„.„u ' * 1
" Seven Bells. (I suppose that's the nautical for Half-past Three. As
the hours are even numbers, the half-hours must be odd ones; but then,
how about the quarters ?)—House seems getting hungry. Some one
saying something about the Chops of the Channel, several members
vote that they do lie upon the table.
All right.—Stew-ard-you—may—say—I'm—com—hmn—ckgzlwqzkl
---hmmn--gcrlqzbpkzqll
House adjourns to lunch.
Several Bells later.—Some few honourable gentlemen have paired
Quarter ^.-Sensation as of sherrv cobbler in my backbone. Find f, for a and balf.a^0zen have adjourned to play at pitch
it's that wretch--giving me cold pig. Won't I be levenged just ha penny f the fo kslj\ The, majority, however prefer to remain
when I catch him mounted on his hobby in St. Stephen's ! It will be Sltto&> and are eiWd m maklnS UP their estimates of the sherry,
mv turn then to crow. (Mem. Mind to practise cock-a-doodle-dooing.) " A little after that.—Fresh supplies of sherry having been brought
" £W.-Clattering of knives and forks and tongues and plates and in> 01d Charley is himself again, and backs himself to reef the top-
coffee-cups, Infernal fhame it is, depriving one inThis way of one.8 . >™t ^ ^}™±t.
natural night's rest. Downright cruelty to animals. Lord Raynham
ought to look to it.
" 5 and 20 minutes after— Clattering continues. No use trying to
sleep, so I may as well get up. Some lazy Government dogs prefer
breakfasting in bed. Having got into snug berths, they say they don't
mean to turn out of them.
" Noon.—We show signals of distress. Ayrton has made a joke.
Some one asking for an egg, A. says, 'I rather think you'll find it's in
the hatch-way.'
" Half a second later.—Another joke reported. When we were off
the Needles, the Sheffield File went up on deck to make an observation
of them. Observed, when he came down again, they looked rather
like the Wiscount, as though they wanted sharpening.
" Two minutes past.—Fresh signals of distress. Sam Warren says,
' The sea's so calm, it's quite a mer de glass !' (I mention these
attempts to show the seedy state of mind to which the House has
been reduced, in consequence of taking rather too much Salmon.)
" Quarter past—The House resolving into a Committee of Sup-
ply, the Great Economist for Lambeth moves for a Return of the
number of Champagne Corks which were heard to pop last evening,
and the number of Madeira, Hock, Bucellas, Sherry, Port, Moselle,
and Claret bottles which went 'down among the dead men' before
the House adjourned its sitting. (It will be remembered that the
House sat rather late.) A fierce debate ensues, and the G. E. is per-
suaded to withdraw his motion. Old Charley's powers of persuasion
pei haps hastened the withdrawal: Charley threatening the G. E. with
an a posteriori argument, the force of which would be brought home to
him through the medium of a boot.
" 1230 Greenwich (Railway) Time.—Yipe all hands to tobacco. (One
may as well speak nautically now one is at sea.)
" 1235.— Fresh breeze springing up between the Wiscount and Old
sheet boom in twenty seconds less than the twinkling of a marling-
spike.
" Middle of the Dog Watch. (Mem. to find out what that means.)—
Charley gets pugnacious. Wants to box the compass.
" Cinq hemes et demi.—It is reported that we have sighted France,
so I may as well begin now rubbing up my French. Feel much more
up in Latin, thanks to getting up quotations. (Mem. To practise
French by quoting Molibre and Racine vice Cicero and Horace.)
"Cinq heures et trois quartiers.—A deeply interesting debate is at
present goin'g forward, as to what are deemed the best preventives of
sea-sickness. Tough old Charley passingly alludes to his ' dear eyes,'
and swears that when your landlubber feels he's getting squeamish,
there's nothing half so good for him as a ' sholly goostrondose of—ut
—colbranyanwawr.' Kelly suggests applepips, and some enormously
facetious fellow recommends Homoeopathy; arguing that as Hahne-
mann has shown that ' like cures like,' (h)any man may cure sickness
by just making himself sick. He recommends Bill C—x's speeches
for their nauseating properties • but says they must be taken in
exceedingly small doses, or the liveliest of patients would soon find
they'd be the death of him.
" Very little later.—The debate has quite upset me. I struggle to
repress my feelings, but—here ! Stew-ard ! br—and—y ba—s—id—.
(Hiatus valde deflendus.)
" Don't know the time, and don't want to know it. It's enough for
me to know that we have reached the harbour. Feel too ill to ask
particulars.
"Beginning of To-morrow—that is,Middle of To-day. (This nautical
time bothers me, and I can't bring my mind to think of sea things just at
present)—Feelings more composed. Getting all serene again. Bather
glad to hear the supper-bell is rin— "
(Here the Manuscript breaks off.)
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 21, 185b.
THE LOG OF THE PERA
(Continued from last week)
ime, Half past Six.—
Terrible tramping over-
head. Report being
brought in that they're
weighing anchor, some
inquiring-minded mem-
ber wants to know how
much it weighs. Ques-
tion is referred to a
W eighs and Means
Committee.
Seven.— Disturbed
Boreas. The Wiscount moves a reading of the Smoke Nuisance Pre-
vention Act, and proposes to enforce it upon all abaft the funnel. Old
Boreas, for amendment, proposes * That be blowshed !' and moves that
in addition to his other titles, the Wiscount have the title of a ' Thun-
dering Old Tobacco Stopper' immediately conferred upon him.
" One o'clock.—House still smoking. Sine Bacco frigei Venus, says
recondite Sam, who is always showing off his classical attainments.
Amendment of quotation moved to make it apposite. For 'Venus'
insert 1 Bonus' and translate, 'The House can't exist without
Tobacco.'
" Half past—House still smoking. Among the orders of the day
some beer has just been ordered.
out for' aborreloshoda-
wawr,with— at—jusha-
teashpoofleobranyinit.'
" Eight. — Disturb -
ance the fourth. (One
never gets a comfort-
able night's rest in a
steamboat.) It seems
that donkey of a Wiscount turned in on the top tier: perhaps that
he might dream he was a person of high berth. Never having been
" Quarter to.—Effects of the Salmon still at times perceptible.
Observation made, that while we have the Member for Derby on board
there's no possibility of our being without Bass. Brace of stale
jokes flushed: that the M.P. is never half sc bitter as his beer, and
for the third time by that his acts of charity are always Bass-reliefs.
Old Charley calling .
lwo.—Motion being made that the House do have more beer,'
the W. says the House is getting quite a pot-house, and proposes that
t he Pera be re-christened the Beera.
" Twent y past.—House still smoking. Fresh supplies of malt voted.
The Admiral's trying to explain to us the difference between nautical
and Horse- Guards' time. Says the nautical day begins at noon, and not
just after midnight as the landlubbers' day does; and is reckoned up
by bells, two to every hour. So, four o'clock on shore to-day at sea is
eight bells to-morrow. The House takes time to reflect upon this
riddle, but resolves at length to give it up and order some more beer.
the member of a Government, he has not had much practice m the art , „ Six Beus> A M> (Mem thaVs 3 0'cioc^ P.M.)—Several yachts sighted-
of turning out; and m attempting it just now, he inserted Ms Dig.toe . Qne of them seemg ifl Qucej. gtreet buf thg Admiral says that she>s
in the mouth of the 0 Mulligan, who was sleeping underneath mm. in stftys House agking explanatioilj the Admiral mystifies it more by
Irish row in consequence, by which I m kept awake till j explaining very lucidly, that she was forced to come about or she'd
" A quarter to Nine.—Ayrton begins talking. Fall asleep directly, have run athwart our hawse, and if she'd tried to bear away, you
and don't wake until S know> sne must have gone to leeward, for, you see, she couldn't luff.
" Ten— I dream I'm Mrs. Gamp, and wake myself by crying out,
' Drat that cussed bell!' {Mem. Mind I bring a Bill in to abolish
Bells on Steamboats.)
" Quarter past — I'm Sairey Gamp again. Conflustricate the bell!
Can't get a-wink-of-sl-hmm-bqkz!zaipql.
tt . c it 11' r» u_„„iri\,o+ v„0j„ ,-c if? "Twenty Bells (or thereabouts, couldn't stop to count them)—The
Half past.— Somebody shaking me. O breaklast s ready, is it.': i£n „„ tA„.„u ' * 1
" Seven Bells. (I suppose that's the nautical for Half-past Three. As
the hours are even numbers, the half-hours must be odd ones; but then,
how about the quarters ?)—House seems getting hungry. Some one
saying something about the Chops of the Channel, several members
vote that they do lie upon the table.
All right.—Stew-ard-you—may—say—I'm—com—hmn—ckgzlwqzkl
---hmmn--gcrlqzbpkzqll
House adjourns to lunch.
Several Bells later.—Some few honourable gentlemen have paired
Quarter ^.-Sensation as of sherrv cobbler in my backbone. Find f, for a and balf.a^0zen have adjourned to play at pitch
it's that wretch--giving me cold pig. Won't I be levenged just ha penny f the fo kslj\ The, majority, however prefer to remain
when I catch him mounted on his hobby in St. Stephen's ! It will be Sltto&> and are eiWd m maklnS UP their estimates of the sherry,
mv turn then to crow. (Mem. Mind to practise cock-a-doodle-dooing.) " A little after that.—Fresh supplies of sherry having been brought
" £W.-Clattering of knives and forks and tongues and plates and in> 01d Charley is himself again, and backs himself to reef the top-
coffee-cups, Infernal fhame it is, depriving one inThis way of one.8 . >™t ^ ^}™±t.
natural night's rest. Downright cruelty to animals. Lord Raynham
ought to look to it.
" 5 and 20 minutes after— Clattering continues. No use trying to
sleep, so I may as well get up. Some lazy Government dogs prefer
breakfasting in bed. Having got into snug berths, they say they don't
mean to turn out of them.
" Noon.—We show signals of distress. Ayrton has made a joke.
Some one asking for an egg, A. says, 'I rather think you'll find it's in
the hatch-way.'
" Half a second later.—Another joke reported. When we were off
the Needles, the Sheffield File went up on deck to make an observation
of them. Observed, when he came down again, they looked rather
like the Wiscount, as though they wanted sharpening.
" Two minutes past.—Fresh signals of distress. Sam Warren says,
' The sea's so calm, it's quite a mer de glass !' (I mention these
attempts to show the seedy state of mind to which the House has
been reduced, in consequence of taking rather too much Salmon.)
" Quarter past—The House resolving into a Committee of Sup-
ply, the Great Economist for Lambeth moves for a Return of the
number of Champagne Corks which were heard to pop last evening,
and the number of Madeira, Hock, Bucellas, Sherry, Port, Moselle,
and Claret bottles which went 'down among the dead men' before
the House adjourned its sitting. (It will be remembered that the
House sat rather late.) A fierce debate ensues, and the G. E. is per-
suaded to withdraw his motion. Old Charley's powers of persuasion
pei haps hastened the withdrawal: Charley threatening the G. E. with
an a posteriori argument, the force of which would be brought home to
him through the medium of a boot.
" 1230 Greenwich (Railway) Time.—Yipe all hands to tobacco. (One
may as well speak nautically now one is at sea.)
" 1235.— Fresh breeze springing up between the Wiscount and Old
sheet boom in twenty seconds less than the twinkling of a marling-
spike.
" Middle of the Dog Watch. (Mem. to find out what that means.)—
Charley gets pugnacious. Wants to box the compass.
" Cinq hemes et demi.—It is reported that we have sighted France,
so I may as well begin now rubbing up my French. Feel much more
up in Latin, thanks to getting up quotations. (Mem. To practise
French by quoting Molibre and Racine vice Cicero and Horace.)
"Cinq heures et trois quartiers.—A deeply interesting debate is at
present goin'g forward, as to what are deemed the best preventives of
sea-sickness. Tough old Charley passingly alludes to his ' dear eyes,'
and swears that when your landlubber feels he's getting squeamish,
there's nothing half so good for him as a ' sholly goostrondose of—ut
—colbranyanwawr.' Kelly suggests applepips, and some enormously
facetious fellow recommends Homoeopathy; arguing that as Hahne-
mann has shown that ' like cures like,' (h)any man may cure sickness
by just making himself sick. He recommends Bill C—x's speeches
for their nauseating properties • but says they must be taken in
exceedingly small doses, or the liveliest of patients would soon find
they'd be the death of him.
" Very little later.—The debate has quite upset me. I struggle to
repress my feelings, but—here ! Stew-ard ! br—and—y ba—s—id—.
(Hiatus valde deflendus.)
" Don't know the time, and don't want to know it. It's enough for
me to know that we have reached the harbour. Feel too ill to ask
particulars.
"Beginning of To-morrow—that is,Middle of To-day. (This nautical
time bothers me, and I can't bring my mind to think of sea things just at
present)—Feelings more composed. Getting all serene again. Bather
glad to hear the supper-bell is rin— "
(Here the Manuscript breaks off.)