Punch (35.1858)

Acgdsi 21, 1858.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

3]

THE SCENTRAL BOARD.

has been unanimously

elected its reporter. He begs to offer the following verbatim account
of the opening meeting, held at Guildhall on Tuesday last.

Mr. Thwaites took the Chair. He remarked, in taking it, that it
was very dusty, and, as he had got a bran new pair of summer trousers
on—(which he had had made for a picnic at Richmond, which had been
put off on account of a wet day, for the weather had been variable
lately)—he thought they would not be improved by contact with the
unclean mahogany. He would therefore call in the Beadle, reprimand
him soundly, and order him to wipe the chair at his own expense,
and with his own pocket-handkerchief.

and a Chairman must have a chair, and the chair must be one he could
sit in. He demanded whether the Beadle still adhered to his policy of
inaction.

Tha Beadle intimated that no other course was open to him, but
that he heard his little boy in the street singing Poor Dog Tray, and
was willing to fetch him in to dust the chair.

Mr. Doulton moved that this proposition be accepted.

On division, this motion was carried by 16 to 7. The Beadle was
called in, and the result announced to him.

The Beadle said that this was another instance of the folly of not
striking while the irou was hot. While the gentlemen were dividing
a Punch had come by, and his little boy, who was addicted to theatrical
amusements, had followed the show. He might be half an hour—he
might be two hours. Would they please to wait till he returned.

Mr. H. L. Taylor said, that if a boy of his were to demean himself
by running about the streets after Punches, he, Mr. H. L. Taylor,
would wallop him. {Cries of Question?) u

Mr. Leslie would like to know the address of the charwoman to
whom reference had been made. If she could be easily summoned, her
attendance might relieve the Board from embarrassment. He regretted
that they should have got into such a difficulty, but, being in, there was
no retreat with honour.

The Beadle said that Mrs. Gapps resided in a court leading out of
Gresham Street, but that she was gone, that day, in a van to Hampton
Court.

Mr. H. L. Taylor said, that there was a pretty instance of the
profligacy and extravagance of the lower orders. He never indulged
himself with a van.

Mr. D'Iffanger reminded them that the question was not then of
the van but of the rear. Would they enable their Chairman to sit
down, or not ?

Mr. Carpmael would solve the difficulty by proposing that the
Chairman should sit down de bene esse, and that the Board should
authorise the Treasurer to disburse to the tailor of the Chairman any
reasonable sum that might be required to renovate his nether
garment. {Applause.)

Mr. H. L. Taylor would protest, with all the indignation of which
he was master, against so abominable a waste of public money. If the

MR. D Iffanger saw one objection to this course^ If the Beadle , ChairmaD) instead of dressiug himself like a swell, had attended like a

should say he had no pocket-handkerchief, the Board would be
stultified, pro tanto.

Mr. H. L. Taylor did not know what pro tanto meant, unless it
meant protestant; and he would tell the honourable member that he,
Mr. Taylor, was as good a Protestant as he was, though he did not
see why religious questions should be brought up at such a meeting as
that. Religion had nothing to do with sewers.

Mr. D'Iffanger would simply reply that Mr. Taylor was a great
ignorant Megatherium. {Cries of Order.)

The Beadle was called in and severely admonished by the Chairman.
The former official urged, in his defence, that it was not his business to
dust the chairs, but that of Mrs. Gapps, charwoman to the Lord
Mayor, Aldermen, and Corporation.

Mr. Leslie said, that here was another instance of the shifting of
responsibility, and by way of discouraging the system, he moved that
the Beadle be ordered to dust the chair forthwith.

The Beadle said that he had every disposition to oblige, but his
sense of duty compelled him to decline to lower the office which he
had the honour to hold. Wishing, however, to meet the Board half
way, and on the distinct understanding that it was not to be drawn
into a precedent, he would order his little boy to come in and dust the
chair. {Partial applause.)

Mr. Leslie said that if the Board allowed itself to be bearded by a
Bumble, there would be no end to its humiliation. He moved that
the Beadle be given in charge of a policeman for contumacy.

Mr. Doulton thought that the spirit of modern improvement lay
in compromise, and he was for the little boy.

Mr. Carpmael thought it would be more respectful to the Board,
if instead of having a dirty little urchin to wait upon it, the Beadle had
directed his wife to perform the duty in question.

The Chairman said, that all this time he was standing, being unable
to sit down in the dust. If the Board did not intend to support, the
Chairman, he should spread out a newspaper on the chair, and sit
upon that.

Mr. Palmer said that the idea was bold and ingenious, and worthy
of their excellent Chairman, but he did not see that it would much
improve matters, for printers' ink would make most deplorable marks
upon the honourable gentleman's trowsers. He would take that oppor-
tunity of asking him, who made the articles in question, and what was
the figure ?

The Chairman said, that if the honourable member would give bim
notice of the question he would be prepared with a reply.

Mr. P. Doulton said, that they did not appear to be making much
progress with the cleansing of the Thames. {Cries of Order, Shame.)

The Chairman said, that the last speaker was doubtless actuated by
a good motive, but was inexperienced, or he woidd have known that
everything must be done regularly. A Board must have a Chairman,

man of business in a pair of honest corduroys, this debate would not
have happened.

Mr. D'Iffanger. There would have been no Corduroy's Colloquies.
Mr. H. L. Taylor. You 're another.

The Chairman said, that he was so affected with the loyalty and
good feeling that had been manifested towards him by the Board, that
he should be ashamed not to meet them in a corresponding spirit, and
therefore he would take his seat regardless of consequences. He took
his seat accordingly, amid loud cheering, and as the discussion had
already occupied the time allotted for the Meeting, the Board sepa-
rated, and there is every hope that ere long its efforts will purify the
noble river which has been entrusted to its care.

THE JUDICIAL MIND ON DIET.

Great credit is due to Chief Baron Pollock for improving an
occasion which presented itself in the course of a late action tried at
Newcastle. A medical witness having described a particularly serious
feature in the case of a patient deceased, stated, with reference to that
feature, that " a vegetable diet, if the blood got thin, would be very
likely to produce it." The report proceeds :—

" His Lordship. In all probability, then, if the deceased had eaten animal food
and taken a little wine, he would have been alive and well now?
" Witness Very likely.

" His Lordship. i should advise insurance companies in future to put among
their questions to the insured, 'Are you a vegetarian ?' "

The obiter dictum of the learned Judge, and the medical opinion
which he elicited from the witness, may not only benefit insurance
companies, but also convey a warning to those unhappy persons who
abandon themselves to vegetables and unfermented liquors, by which
weak and ridiculous regimen deluded and infatuated creatures bring
themselves to untimely graves. It is a remarkable circumstance that
British judges in general, if not all of them, are distinguished by a
predilection for a very contrary, not to say a directly opposite, mode of
living to that prescribed by vegetarians and total abstainers ; and it is a
comfort to think that such very good judges warrant us, both by their
precept _ and example, in taking a little, though not too much, wine,
and eating an ample, not an excessive, quantity of roast beef, and
partaking moderately of other varieties of animal food and generous
liquor, conducive to longevity and strength of mind and body.

Tobacchanalian Nomenclature.—The committee that sat with
closed windows on the Thames was always spoken of, amongst the
wags of the smoking-room at Bellamy's, as "the Council of Nice."