Punch: Punch (54.1868)

92

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[February 29, 1868.

TAN77ENE ANIMiS CELESTIBUS IR/E!

Late, late, too late ; the guests depart,
And, oli distressful thing !

Two celebrated vocalists
Have not been asked to sing !

From distant corners) darting swift,
They rush to reach the pianner,
And meet upon the music-stool
In this unseemly manner !

An instrumental gentleman,
Facetiously inclined.

Doth stick and stand and stare at ’em,
And thus he speaks his mind :

“ The Tenor and the Baritone

Are FIGHTING FOR THE CROWN ;

I’d like to kick the Baritone,
And knock the Tenor down ! ”

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A TRUTH FROM THE HUSTINGS.

There was one sentence in the speech of Mr. Lea (the Candidate
for Helston, who showed at the hustings, but not at the Poll, in oppo-
sition to Mr. Brett) which, strange to say of anything in a hustings’
speech, is, at once, new and true.

When offering bribes to the Helstonians all round, in the shape of all
manner of local improvements and benefits, to be secured by electing him,
Mr. Lea crowned the list, which included cheap gas, a railway, a free
library, and general prosperity, by the paramount blessing—dwarfing all
the others—of his own Establishment at Dartmoor in the Goose Trade ! !
We should infer, en passant, from Mr. Lea’s speech throughout,
that he had been accustomed to deal with, if not in. Geese, all his life.
So that, probably, what he contemplates on Dartmoor is an extension
or branch of his regular business. To this most tempting promise
Mr. Lea tacked on a confession. “ Talk about Geese, I will make
money out. of them, if you will let me.” This sentence ought evidently
to be read with an accent on the “you,” like that laid on “him” by
Joe Miller’s well-known preacher, in giving out the text. “And he
said, ‘ Saddle me the ass,’and they saddled him” This outburst of
Mr. Lea’s we take to be about the most candid thing ever spoken
from a hustings. How many Candidates for Parliament come forward
with this intention of making money out of Geese, if the Geese will
let them ! How few have had the honesty to avow the design lotidem
verbis 1 ike Mr. Lea at Helston !

Cut Out.

Trumping ton, who is miserable without bis rubber, finding every
table full the other night, quitted the room, first casting a whisttal look
all round.

HOW TO STOP STREET-BEGGING.

Fourscore and one beggars brought to one London Police Court
within one single week ! A pretty little problem is suggested by the
fact. How many beggars, would you calculate, are begging now in
London, when to one of its Police Courts no fewer than fourscore and
one are brought at one fell swoop ? Another problem to be solved is
how the streets may best be cleared of them, and on this point Sir R.
Carden, the Magistrate in question, has put forth some good sense :—

“ In this country there should not be a beggar in the streets, and there would
not be one if everybody would abstain for one week from giving money in the
streets, and give into custodv everv one that solicits alms, have tbe cases investi-
gated, and see them provided for. This is the duty of humanity. By giving alms
you only perpetuate the misery.”

In its efforts to stop begging, the Mendicity Society has done the
state some service, and we should like to see it aided by an Anti-Beggar
League, or a Society for Total Abstinence from Giving Money in the
Streets. Almsgiving encourages both idleness and vice, and, though
it pleases sentimentalists, it does no one real good. Dean Swift pro-
posed that beggars should, by law, be forced ro wear a badge, and the
suggestion may seem suitable to those who have been badgered by
them. Impostors fittingly might wear the Order of the Fleece, and,
when known, it might help somewhat to check their imposition. But
if people would abstain from selfishly indulging in the weakness of
street almsgiving, our pavements would be cleared of tbe impostors
who infest them. Idle beggars would be driven to be usefully indus-
trious, and money worse than wasted on them might be spent in really
useful charitable works.

Acrobats’ Tipple.—Champagne in Tumblers.

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