Punch: Punch (75.1878)

August 3, 1878.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

41

Before I went to the Keep-it-Dark After I returned from the Keep-it-
Continent. Dark Continent.

I'm monarch of all I surrey. N.B.—Couldn't keep it dark. It all came

I go to the Op'ra and play, off except where the remnants appear.

I dine at my Club, Regard the lines with which care has fur-

I win ev'ry rub, rowed my brow.

Except when I lose, and don't pay. My head h bald> but not with years .

My eyes are dim, but not with tears;
My coat is worn, my linen frayed—■
Behold a man %vho's not been paid !

*

Pistol—Henry IV.

An Evening of " Life." Aha ! The Evening of Life. Alas !

Retrospective or Back View o f Myself before Present View {Back) of Myself after my
Iivent to the Keep-it-Bark Continent. return from the K. I. B. C.

"After the Opera was over." Sinks to the grave with evident decay,

" Come and be a Bollicking Earn! " Procrastination gently slopes the way,

&c, &c. While all his prospects darkening very fast,

He's slowly going to the dogs at last.

N.B.—I think of publishing all these on a sheet separately, and selling them in the
street on Lord Mayor's Day for the small sum of one penny. This would appeal straight to
the generous and noble public of England. Good idea this, eh ?—Tours ever.

From Editor to Bistinguished Traveller {by post).—We are indeed deeply touched.
We will whip up a subscription all round. Bearer has waited too long, and is no longer in
a fit state to be trusted. So, to save time and expense I send you an I.O.TJ. (unsigned), of
which you may make what use you like, and enter it to your own private account. II
fautvivre, my dear Sir, and you shall. Lord Mayor's Day a good idea. Why not go round
yourself, with the hat (&c), on the fifth of November ? By the way, we don't quite know
where you are. Have you returned to Jarnzeribar, or are you writing in Town ? Send

finish of your contribution.-Yours, Ed. . Mem. after trie Mill m trie Lords.

Reply (by telegram) from Bistinguished Traveller to Editor.—Just had an offer to go to {Between, the Derby Pet and the Salisbury Slogger.)

Cyprus. Think I shall do it. Send'coin, or I'm sure I shall. I have not said a word yet. r. , ., _ i V,

Cyprus speaks consent. Personal Government the Briton dreads,

From Editor to Bistinguished Traveller.—So. Don't go yet. Stanley isn't in JN or kkes to rank it m the actualities :

Cyprus. Tou '11 find him here. All right. Send finish of thrilling narrative: coin by But Ins and Outs punching' each other s heads,
return.—Ed. Comes close on Government by personalities.

SUCCESS.

{With Apologies to the Shade of Coivper.)
" Benjamin Disraeli rules the world."—J. A. Boebuck.

I am Monarch of all I survey,

My right there is none to dispute ;
From the Court to the Cot, for the day,

The claims of my rivals are mute.
" A First fiddle " to set in one's arms,

" Eclipse first, the rest nowhere," to place !
To lead men by the nose has its charms,

Though they be of the gross Gothic race.

I am far above rivalry's reach;

My career I must finish alone ;
No more meet grim Gladstone in speech,

The one Peer I, a Peer, may not own.
The Lords who once jibbed 'neath my rein,

Now in harness submissive I see;
To wheel to my whip-hand so fain,

Their docility shocks even me.

Society's Lion and Pet,

Of the Hour I am clearly the Man ;
Have I ought to redeem or regret

Of failure in purpose or plan ?
My dreams from my own fiction's page

Are translated to far stranger truth,
To be swallowed by drivelling age,

And welcomed by rollicking youth !

Success ! ah! what pleasures untold

Beside in that heavenly word!
The world as mine oyster I hold,

With my tongue and my pen for my sword.*
Ne'er such bouquet-clouds darkened the skies,

Ne'er Jingos so joyous appeared,
In the light rained from fair lips and eyes,

That my progress to Downing Street cheered.

Ye Whigs who once made me your sport,

Ye Tories who snubbed me of yore,
See me settle the Ottoman Porte,

And my party teach wisdom once more.
For the fools whose weak nerves one offends,—

The whites of their eyes they may show;
But the wise I may count on as friends,

While I've fishes and loaves to bestow.

How wide is the Empire of mind !

AVho shall dare to set bounds to its flight r
Fortune's breath against it is but wind,

Weighed with it rank and fortune are light.
When I think of my Old Jewry youth,

I half doubt if such changes can be,
If the ermine enwraps me in sooth,

If the Garter I wear 'neath my knee.

My fame fills the East and the West;

At riddles the Sphinx I o'erbear ;
If inclined on my laurels to rest,

Of green bays I've enough and to spare.
I've success, I've fools' Paradise—Place,

And success, be it solid or not,
Can even to gout give a grace,
And reconcile age to its lot.

The world's mine oyster which with sword I '11 open.

A Legal View.

" Sir," said Mr. Briefless, in his loftiest manner,
" you may depend upon it, that Lord Beaconsfield's
object in annexing Cyprus was to exemplify the doctrine
of Cy-pres. He could not have taken Egypt or Syria
without offending France, and wished to do as nearly
the same thing as possible without producing that most
undesirable result."