Punch (75.1878)

September 14, 1878.] PUNCH, Oft THE LONDON CHABIVAPJ.

109

THE WAGES QUESTION.

{Overheard at ironopolis.)

Intelligent Working Man. " Arbitration ! Ca' that Arbitration !
Why, they've given it against us!"

THE COMIC JOURNEY;

or, how to si-end an unusually happy hay.

Scene, &c.—The Outside of a Railway Station. Jovial Porters dis-
covered laughing heartily, and cutting jokes. A Cab drives up
loaded with luggage, from ichich emerges Anxious Traveller.
Jovial Porters nudge one another, and scan Anxious Traveller's
countenance with amusement.

Anxious Traveller {having paid his cab-fare). My luggage, please.
I am in a hurry to take the parting train. (Jovial Porters ignore
him, and give their attention to fly-catching,,) A friend, an invalid,
awaits my coming eagerly. {Getting angry.) Here you, Sir, attend
to my luggage at once, or-

First Jovial Porter {with a wink to his comrades). "Well, I am
attending to it. Where do you want to go to ?

Anxious Traveller. To Mudbeach.

First Jovial Porter {with a burst of merriment). To Mudbeach!
{Aside, to Comrades.) Oh, what fun ! Did you ever hear the like ?
And now, my lads, lend a hand, and we will send his luggage to
Mudbeach (Ha"! ha ! Mudbeach !) with a will.

\_The Jovial Porters, laughing heartily, tumble the luggage
roughly into the Station. Anxious Traveller follows them,
and appears at Booking-Office.

Anxious Traveller. A ticket, please, for Mudbeach.

Inexperienced Clerk. Where did you say ? (Anxious Traveller
repeats his question.) Oh, I don't think this line, goes to Mudbeach.
Does it, Bill ?

Bill {in the distance). Does it what ?

Inexperienced Clerk. Does tbe line go to Mudbeach ?

Bill. Oh, come, that is good ! 1 must tell that to Tommy.
{Shouting.) I say, Tommy, Charley wants to know if this line goes
to Mudbeach ! Ha ! ha ! Ain't he green ? {Bell rings.) Of course
it goes, and in two ways, too !

Anxious Traveller {impatiently). My ticket, if you please.

Inexperienced Clerk {leisurely). Don't be in a hurry. I can't
attend to everybody at once. Besides, you haven't told me which
way you wish to go.

Anxious Traveller. By the shortest way, of course.

Inexperienced Clerk {referring to time-tables). Well, you can go
by Talkingwater, changing at Jonesbury.

Anxious Traveller. Well, give me a ticket. [Bell rings.

Inexperienced Clerk. Don't be in a hurry, especially as there's no
train that way for three hours and a quarter. You can go, too, by
Cook's Basin.

Anxious Traveller. And when does a train start by that route ?
Inexperienced Clerk. Oh, I don't know, but perhaps these chaps
may {with difficulty attracts the serious attention of his confreres and
obtains, after a few minutes, the desired information). Oh, they say
there 's a train due now. So you had better look sharp if you want
to catch it. First-Class—all right—here's your ticket.

[Gives card and wastes a short time in finding proper change.
Anxious Traveller hurries off towards the Departure Plat-
_ form.

Official in a high Hat {at door). You can't pass here. You 're too
late.

Anxious Traveller. But I wish to go to Mudbeach.
Official in a high Hat. Well, you may go an hour's hence by
another train. You can't go by that.

[Points to a Train seen through the window ivhich, apparently,
has no intention of starting for some little time to come.
Anxious Traveller. And my luggage ?

First Jovial Porter {laughing heartily). Oh, we've sent that off.
{Aside.) Won't he have a hunt to catch it up! Ha! ha! ha!

[The other Jovial Porters roar, and the Official in the high Hat,
ivith difficulty suppresses a smile.

An hour passes, and Anxious Traveller finds himself seated in the
next Train bound for lludbeach. He gazes for ten minutes or
so at the faces of the Too-late Voyagers as they glare through
the glazed barriers at the Train they have missed.

Anxious Traveller. When are we going to start, Guard ?

Cheerful Guard. Pardon me, Sir, but what a hurry you are in.
Why, we are only a quarter of an hour late!

Anxious Traveller. A friend, an invalid, awaits my coming eagerly
at Mudbeach.

Cheerful Guard {smiling). What, Sir, going to Mudbeach! Well,
and a very nice place, too,—when you get there !

Anxious Traveller. I have ascertained that at Cook's Basin a
steamer meets the train and carries travellers to Brdl's Hyde, where
another train is in attendance to take them to their destination.

Cheerful Guard. Indeed, Sir, and they told you that! Why,
what is this ? As I live, the signal for departure ! And only twenty
minutes behind our time! They must be in a merry mood this
morning ! [ Whistles as the Train moves off.

After a tedious journey, Anxious Traveller arrives at Cook's Basin
in about two hours after the advertised time.

Anxious Traveller {getting out of the train briskly). And now, my
friend, the way to the boat r
Gloomy Official. What boat ?

Anxious Traveller. Why the boat to Bull's Hyde—the boat that
will take us all to catch the train to Mudbeach.

Gloomy Official. Oh, that boat {pointing to speck on the horizon).
There she is!

Anxious Traveller. How long will she take coming here ?

Gloomy Official. She's not coming here. Why she left here more
than an hour ago.

Anxious Traveller {in despair). A friend, an invalid, awaits my
coming eagerly at Mudbeach. AVhen is the next boat ?

Gloomy Official. There should be one in an hour or so.

Anxious Traveller. This is very wrong.

Gloomy Official. Everything's wrong in this world. Good day,
Sir; I am going to have my tea. [Retires.

Three hours are supposed to elapse, and Anxious Traveller lands at

Bull's Hyde.

Anxious Traveller. And now for the train to Mudbeach.

Hardened Official. Oh, there are no more trains to-night. The
last went an hour ago.

Anxious Traveller. What, no trains ! A friend, an invalid, awaits
my coming eagerly at Mudbeach.

Hardened Official. Mudbeach ! Why, Sir, you must be the gent
whose luggage we packed off three hours ago ! You must have made
a mess of it, Sir !

Anxious Traveller {exploding). A mess ! It's disgraceful, scanda-
lous ! Ignorant Clerks, silly Officials ! Time wasted everywhere !
Sent to meet boats that are off before we reach them, invited to catch
trains that never start! And you dare to laugh, Sir ?

Hardened Official. And so would you, Sir, if you had the smallest
sense of the ridiculous !

[Scene closes in upon "a Scene" in ivhich Anxious Traveller
and Hardened Official are the chief Actors.

The Naughtiest Lot in Europe.—-The Prussian " Nihilists."

vol. lxxv.

l