Punch (75.1878)

November 23, 1878.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

229

"RETORT COURTEOUS."

Facetious Old Gent (to Passenger with a Saw). " You show your Teeth, Sin."
(Chuckles.)

Crusty Carpenter. " You don't. 'Cause why ?—y' ain't got none ! "

A COINAGE FOR CYPRUS.

Dear Mr. Punch,

I think you and your readers will agree with
me that as our last acquisition is absorbing, and likely
to absorb, a great deal too much of our money, the sooner
we can give it some money of its own the better. In fact,
a coinage for Cyprus is, or ought to be, already in the
Mint, or on its way to the die, like its unfortunate gar-
rison. Why should this new mintage not be made at
once to indicate our acquisition of the island, to pay a
compliment to its acquirers, and to stereotype one of the
most ingenious of recent legends ? The two former ends
may be secured in the devices of the coin ; the other in
its inscription.

If Lord Beaconsfield and Mr. Frehantle take my
advice, this new money will not be a mere coinage of the
brain, but a copy of the old coin of the island, which
bore on the obverse a Bull, on the reverse a Dove. Can
anything be more appropriate at once to the situation,
and the ready-made legend, "Peace with Honour"—
Dove to symbolise the one, Bidl the other ?

There ! As the Roman proverb used to run—
" Eem ex asse cognoseis."

Yours,

Smeleungus Astaeticus.

Utile and No Rule.

The Paile of the P^oad 's clear as light—■
That in driving a carriage along,

The man who drives left is all right,
And the man who drives right is all wrong,

But the Rule of the River appears,

When fatal collisions u fall,
And witnesses get by the oars,

To be simply, " There's no Rule at all."

Eminently Appropriate.

In an article in this month's Fortnightly lievieto, Mr.
A. R. Wallace proposes to naturalise in Epping Forest
" the remarkable Salisburia or Gingko Tree.'1'1 Have we
not here a scientific appellation for the Salisbury or Jingo
Tree, which might certainly be selected with peculiar
appropriateness as the Conservative "plant" of the day ?

" CHEAPER AND CHEAPER STILL/'

It is rumoured that the present Lord Mayor is determined to
temper Civic hospitality and municipal ceremonial with what the
City has tiU now but too little regarded—economy. Should the report
be correct, and the fashion of retrenchment find favour in the eyes
of the .Citizens, Mr. Punch pleases himself in imagining a Ninth
of November of the future, something after this fashion—

The Procession.

The day was "a glorious one, and every inch of Fleet Street, the
Strand, and Charing Cross was crowded. A single detachment of
dismounted Police led the way. These Guardians of the Peace were
succeeded by a dray, kindly lent by Messrs. Buxton & Co. the
eminent brewers, carrying in a bundle all the flags and banners of
the Corporation. An array of Charity Children in their quaint
garb of the olden time, arranged according to the colour of their
caps and gowns—a girl and boy together—brought up the rear. The
Charwoman of the Mansion House with her insignia of office, the
time-haUowed broom and duster, borne by an Under-cleaner, was
the next to put in an appearance. Then came the feature of the
show, a musician playing no less than six different instruments at
once. The applause of the mob was almost deafening, as this
cheap, compact, and compendious substitute for the old-fashioned
military bands went merrily and musically by. The Recorder in his
wig was next seen picking his way modestly through the mud. The
City Marshal riding a bicycle followed. Then came two Atlas
omnibuses, hired by the hour, filled inside and out with Aldermen
who had, and who had not, passed the Chair. Lastly, appeared the
Lord Mayor's coach, and it was not difficult to understand
that a great saving in expense had been effected by discarding the
horses of other days for the Ludgate Hill street-traction-engine.
After his Lordship had passed, a Sergeant's Guard of the Victoria
Rifles, in undress uniform, brought the procession to a brilliant
and not expensive termination.

The Banquet.

The usual company (including Her Majesty's Ministers, Ambassa-
dors, and a limited selection of the Corporation, made by ballot)
assembled to do honour to the Loud Mayor at the Guildhall.

At the high table the famous three-and-sixpenny dinner from the
Holborn Restaurant was served in first-rate style, and eArery other
guest found a bottle of Bass before him. The less important feasters
at the other tables were supplied with hot water, bread-and-butter,
and shrimps at the trifling cost of sixpence a head, it being under-
stood that they were to bring their own tea with them. An excellent
band, consisting of a violin and harp which had been playing in
front of an adjacent tavern until the hour fixed for the banquet,
were accommodated with seats in the Music Gallery.

Later on, the harmony of the evening was enhanced by the per-
formance of an Italian musician (whose name we failed to catch),
who executed several brilliant fantasias on the barrel-organ.

When the cloth had been removed, and the loving-cup (filled with
shandy-gaff) had been passed round, the usual loyal toasts were
proposed at the usual length, and received with the wonted
cordiality.

Rather later than usual, after the Premise, in returning thanks
for his own health, had commenced a political speech of unusual
interest, the Lord Mayor said he regretted to interrupt the harmony
of the evening, but he had to state that, in order to save expense, the
Lighting Committee had arranged to turn off the electric light at
nine, so that he feared the audience must be content with such en-
lightenment as they could derive from his noble friend's oratory.
The company separated in some little disorder, after listening to the
Noble Lord with some impatience for a considerable time, on finding
that he was unlikely to throw any light on the situation.

collapse.

What a late Lord Mayor amounts to. Owden—the Greek for
' nothing.'

vol. lxxv.

x