Punch (75.1878)

October 26, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARlVAEI. 181

MODERN GALLANTRY.

"Let's see! Which shall i do?—call on the Grogram Browns, or

LOOK OVER OLD TURTLE'S StABLES ? SAY THE STABLES—IT 's FINE weather,

and the Ladies will keep ! "

IN THE MULTITUDE OF COUNCILLORS.

" How came we into the mess ? "

Well, we are in, not a doubt of it.
And just now the practical point

Is, which is the best way out of it ?

" Hold hard! " says Lord Lawrence ;

" Go along! " says Stephen ;
" Hang backward, or push forward,"

Says Erere, " the danger's even."

" Forge ahead ! " says Rawlinson ;

" Turn astern ! " says Adte ;—
Among her many councillors,

Pity a poor Lady !

Puzzled stands Britannia,

All in the dark—
From Cabinet or Durbar

Of light not a spark!

A Good Idea.

Turkey has been accusing Austria of " atrocities," as
she has, in turn, accused Servia, Montenegro, Roumania,
Greece, Russia, and every power she has come into collision
with since her " flurry" began.

The Spectator suggests that the Pashas seeing how
their own " atrocities " had alienated England, fancied
that a charge of atrocities was a new weapon invented in
Europe, and very effectual, and which, therefore, it
behoved them to use. This is really the most rational
explanation of the matter we have met with.

The Bundle of Sticks.

Ir Peterborough's lost her Whalley,

Her present bitch denotes
He has left behind a seed of folly,

To grow, and split her votes :
Four Liberal Candidates—so jolly!—

Cutting each other's throats.

A Truth for Brock or Beaconseield. — Fireworks
must be paid for.

THE COOKS AND THE BEOTH.

(Or, What Will It Taste Like f)

It having been now settled in principle that satisfaction is to be
given to the European susceptibilities and jealousies legiti-
mately aroused by the appointment of an Englishman to the
control of Egyptian Finance, the following scheme for the
Khedive's Government has already been forwarded by Mr. Punch
direct to Cairo.

The Egyptian Cabinet shall consist of as many Ministers as there
are states capable of experiencing legitimate " susceptibilities " at
the bare idea of being shut out of it. Should the number of these
exceed the posts to be filled, it shall be the duty of the Khedive not
only to create new departments for the benefit of such surplus Mini-
sters, but also to provide the necessary funds for the binding of
their respective portfolios, their official uniforms, dress boots, poli-
tical education, dinners, travelling expenses, sea-bathing, and opera
stalls—besides their official salaries.

The language used at all meetings of the Cabinet shall be the old
Upper Nile Coptic, and an Ollendorff's Method of acquiring the
same, together with a Dictionary of the language, so soon as one can
be compiled, shall lie on the Council Table for the benefit of begin-
ners. At the same time, with a view to facilitate the dispatch of
business, it shall not be considered out of order to have recourse to
Spanish, Syriac, Irish, Chinese, Patagonian, Esquimaux, Basque,
Welsh, Dongola, the Deaf and Dumb Alphabet, or any other known
dialect.

As the object of every individual member of the Cabinet will be
not so much to advance the interests of the Egyptian State as to
steal a march on his European and other confreres, he undertakes,
with a view to the more effective carrying out this object

(1) To collect all the offensive stories he can about his colleagues,
and retail them, with a wink, to every Pasha he comes
across;

(2) From time to time to offer the Khedive " a few millions, for
three months," or more, on his note of hand, from " a friend
in the City " ; and

(3) To contribute regularly, in the character of " Our Own Corre-

spondent," all the secrets of the Cabinet to a British provin-
cial paper.

That the Khedive, on his part, may avoid any sort of approach
to a show of favouritism, he shall—

(1) Deliver his speech on the opening of the Chambers in not less

than twelve modern languages, reserving to himself the
privilege of throwing in an Egyptian oath here and there,
as emphasis may require, or irritation suggest;

(2) Never see less than fifteen of his Ministers at a time, and

then only at a bal masque; and

(3) Borrow money in turns, to a handsome figure, from all the
Powers represented in his Cabinet, Avithout invidious
preference.

To indemnify himself for any extra expense that may be entailed
on him by supplying stamped paper and providing for the interest
on such loans, the Khedive sball have the right, from the com-
mencement of March to the end of October (New and Old Style),
inclusive, to select from his Ministers as many Elevens as he can
get together, and despatch them all over Europe, Asia, Africa,
America, and Australia, arranging cricket-matches, of the gate-
money whereof he is to be entitled to two-fifths, together with a
bonus of ten per cent, on the gross receipts.

Should the financial results of such an enterprise prove disap-
pointing, he shall have the power of negotiating with Messrs.
Maskelyne and Cook, for his own appearance with the whole of his
Ministry in a new series of Cabinet Tricks at the Egyptian Hall,
Piccadilly.

Should the above scheme fail to satisfy the " susceptibilities" of
Europe, the Khedive can always fall back upon Mr. Punch, who
will be most happy to suggest some other plan to help him out of
his difficulty.

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