DOI Heft:
November 2, 1878
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17733#0197
November 2, 1878.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
193
JUDGING BY APPEARANCES.
Undersized Youth. '' Now then, First Return, Surbiton, and look
sharp ! how much ?"
Clerk. "Three Shillings. Half-Price under Twelve!"
THE POWER OP SPEECH.
(As lately exemplified in the Midland Counties.)
Scene—The interior of a Birmingham beershop after the break-
up of a political meeting. Tivo highly intelligent Opera-
tives discovered, rapt in thought over a pot of four ale.
First Operative (rousing himself). Yes, it must be so ! Our
most worthy Chancellor of the Exchequer is unquestion-
ably right! Never was the outlook brighter. Our beloved
country has at last '' taken its place in the great Council 'of
Nations."
Second Operative. As highly intelligent Operatives, let us
hail the change. To quote Sir Stafford's own apt and beauti-
ful words, now that we are there—" We will not shrink back,
and let our Empire collapse, as if it were an air-bladder which
had been pricked with a pin."
First Operative. No ; for, as our admirable guide adds : " No-
bility implies obligations on those who are noble." And to
think that for the priceless privilege of nobility, purchased for us
by such noble sentiments, we pay but a paltry fourpence extra
on our tobacco! The thought unmans me ! [He is overcome.
Second Operative (handing him the pot). Nay, cheer up !
Our good Sir Stafford never meant to depress us with a sense
of our blessings. Think of his lighter touches—Don Quixote''s
pasteboard helmet, Baron Munchausen1 s tiger jumping down
the crocodile's throat, and—ha! ha! that capital story about
Sheridan and the letter ! Why, it was all killing ! What a
blessing that we, the intelligent Operatives of Birmingham, are
no longer in "leading strings," but able to understand and
relish epigram like this ! Ha! I thought so;—you cheer up as
you recall it.
First Operative. I do. For by the light of such brilliant
flashes, the thought of the Berlin Convention, the Afghan
difficulty, the expanding expenditure—even fever in Cyprus—
become, not only tolerable, but delightful. Here's to "Im-
perialism ! " [Finishes the ale.
Second Operative (looking thoughtfully at the empty pot). A
noble toast—worthy the oration that inspired it! And to think
that when I rose this morning I would, like you, in honour of
Chamberlain and the Caucus, cheerfully have thrown a couple
of brickbats at the head of our eloquent, our patriotic, our pro-
found, our excruciatingly funny, Sir Stafford !
First Operative. Yes. But that was before we had listened
to his irresistible oratory.
Second Operative. True ! Ah, may such long be the effect
of the right man on the right stump !
(Ourtam falls.)
What the City of Glasgow Bank Directors had, as well
as the Shareholders.—LTnlimited Lie-ability.
LES PARTIS HOSTILES TO LA REPUBLIQUE.
0-r-r-r ! You presume to cock your nasty red cap in the air,
And with your horrid tricolor cockade your betters scare!
You dare to call yourself La France—foul scum of Eighty-Nine!
Socialiste, Communiste, Petroleuse—for all your phrases fine !
After your flaring, flaunting, catch-penny twelve-sou fair,
In the Champ de Mars !—such impudence ! What business had it
there ?
After doubling Paris prices with your mobs—as fools make fools—
Mon Dieu ! That foreign Princes should have deigned to "be your
tools!
After getting the poor Marshal, though, Heaven knows, against the
grain,
To hang the cross round those fools' necks, the badge who'd stoop to
S.ain>
Not satisfied with blowing your Exposition brass,
You must fly higher, and attempt to give a Ball.—Alas !—
You give a ball!—a business that asks tact and politesse,
Usage du monde, and breeding, and the Art to move and dress:—
And at Versailles ! the palace reared by Le Grand Monarque,
With his glorious memory springing with each jet oVeau in the Park!
No wonder 'twas a fiasco—such a fiasco .'—Dieu de Dieu!
Tag-ra? and bobtail thousands pent for hours in shivering queue, ,
Struggling, outside, through a mud sea, swelt'ring, inside, m a mob
Of canaille in all shades of red—knave, imbecile, and snob !
Non pas, Madame La Republique ! Such pride deserved a fall!
You might give an Exposition, but you couldn't give a Ball—
That is reserved for us, le Monde, which you, low hag, despise !
The next Ball you aspire to give, ask us to organise!
DE. CROSS'S DEGREE.
On Thursday last the University of Cambridge, in compliance f
with a vote of the Senate, " conferred the honorary degree of Doctor
of Laws upon the Right Hon. Richard Assheton Cross, of Trinity
College, one of Her Majesty's principal Secretaries of State."
Doubtless the Home Secretary has done something considerable to
earn the degree of Doctor of Laws. But both as a Legislator and an
Administrator, he is much more expressly distinguished by the
services he has rendered to Physic. The Medical Profession, and all
people interested in its scientific researches, owe Mr. Cross the
Vivisection Bill; and Physiologists are still_ further indebted t)
him for having put a stop to the practice of taking casts of the head -
of condemned criminals after their execution. It was all very well
to make him a Doctor of Laws, but, considering the special and
peculiar encouragement he has afforded to the Science of the
Healing Art, Mr. Cross's Alma Mater would have done better,
perhaps, if she had dubbed him Doctor of Medicine.
Naval Nomenclature.
Some stupid person has been complaining of our christening some
late additions to the Navy by such names as Bouncer and Insolent.
Why should not ship's names, as well as ship's keels, be laid down
by the Jingo spirit-level ?
VOL. LXXV.
s
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
193
JUDGING BY APPEARANCES.
Undersized Youth. '' Now then, First Return, Surbiton, and look
sharp ! how much ?"
Clerk. "Three Shillings. Half-Price under Twelve!"
THE POWER OP SPEECH.
(As lately exemplified in the Midland Counties.)
Scene—The interior of a Birmingham beershop after the break-
up of a political meeting. Tivo highly intelligent Opera-
tives discovered, rapt in thought over a pot of four ale.
First Operative (rousing himself). Yes, it must be so ! Our
most worthy Chancellor of the Exchequer is unquestion-
ably right! Never was the outlook brighter. Our beloved
country has at last '' taken its place in the great Council 'of
Nations."
Second Operative. As highly intelligent Operatives, let us
hail the change. To quote Sir Stafford's own apt and beauti-
ful words, now that we are there—" We will not shrink back,
and let our Empire collapse, as if it were an air-bladder which
had been pricked with a pin."
First Operative. No ; for, as our admirable guide adds : " No-
bility implies obligations on those who are noble." And to
think that for the priceless privilege of nobility, purchased for us
by such noble sentiments, we pay but a paltry fourpence extra
on our tobacco! The thought unmans me ! [He is overcome.
Second Operative (handing him the pot). Nay, cheer up !
Our good Sir Stafford never meant to depress us with a sense
of our blessings. Think of his lighter touches—Don Quixote''s
pasteboard helmet, Baron Munchausen1 s tiger jumping down
the crocodile's throat, and—ha! ha! that capital story about
Sheridan and the letter ! Why, it was all killing ! What a
blessing that we, the intelligent Operatives of Birmingham, are
no longer in "leading strings," but able to understand and
relish epigram like this ! Ha! I thought so;—you cheer up as
you recall it.
First Operative. I do. For by the light of such brilliant
flashes, the thought of the Berlin Convention, the Afghan
difficulty, the expanding expenditure—even fever in Cyprus—
become, not only tolerable, but delightful. Here's to "Im-
perialism ! " [Finishes the ale.
Second Operative (looking thoughtfully at the empty pot). A
noble toast—worthy the oration that inspired it! And to think
that when I rose this morning I would, like you, in honour of
Chamberlain and the Caucus, cheerfully have thrown a couple
of brickbats at the head of our eloquent, our patriotic, our pro-
found, our excruciatingly funny, Sir Stafford !
First Operative. Yes. But that was before we had listened
to his irresistible oratory.
Second Operative. True ! Ah, may such long be the effect
of the right man on the right stump !
(Ourtam falls.)
What the City of Glasgow Bank Directors had, as well
as the Shareholders.—LTnlimited Lie-ability.
LES PARTIS HOSTILES TO LA REPUBLIQUE.
0-r-r-r ! You presume to cock your nasty red cap in the air,
And with your horrid tricolor cockade your betters scare!
You dare to call yourself La France—foul scum of Eighty-Nine!
Socialiste, Communiste, Petroleuse—for all your phrases fine !
After your flaring, flaunting, catch-penny twelve-sou fair,
In the Champ de Mars !—such impudence ! What business had it
there ?
After doubling Paris prices with your mobs—as fools make fools—
Mon Dieu ! That foreign Princes should have deigned to "be your
tools!
After getting the poor Marshal, though, Heaven knows, against the
grain,
To hang the cross round those fools' necks, the badge who'd stoop to
S.ain>
Not satisfied with blowing your Exposition brass,
You must fly higher, and attempt to give a Ball.—Alas !—
You give a ball!—a business that asks tact and politesse,
Usage du monde, and breeding, and the Art to move and dress:—
And at Versailles ! the palace reared by Le Grand Monarque,
With his glorious memory springing with each jet oVeau in the Park!
No wonder 'twas a fiasco—such a fiasco .'—Dieu de Dieu!
Tag-ra? and bobtail thousands pent for hours in shivering queue, ,
Struggling, outside, through a mud sea, swelt'ring, inside, m a mob
Of canaille in all shades of red—knave, imbecile, and snob !
Non pas, Madame La Republique ! Such pride deserved a fall!
You might give an Exposition, but you couldn't give a Ball—
That is reserved for us, le Monde, which you, low hag, despise !
The next Ball you aspire to give, ask us to organise!
DE. CROSS'S DEGREE.
On Thursday last the University of Cambridge, in compliance f
with a vote of the Senate, " conferred the honorary degree of Doctor
of Laws upon the Right Hon. Richard Assheton Cross, of Trinity
College, one of Her Majesty's principal Secretaries of State."
Doubtless the Home Secretary has done something considerable to
earn the degree of Doctor of Laws. But both as a Legislator and an
Administrator, he is much more expressly distinguished by the
services he has rendered to Physic. The Medical Profession, and all
people interested in its scientific researches, owe Mr. Cross the
Vivisection Bill; and Physiologists are still_ further indebted t)
him for having put a stop to the practice of taking casts of the head -
of condemned criminals after their execution. It was all very well
to make him a Doctor of Laws, but, considering the special and
peculiar encouragement he has afforded to the Science of the
Healing Art, Mr. Cross's Alma Mater would have done better,
perhaps, if she had dubbed him Doctor of Medicine.
Naval Nomenclature.
Some stupid person has been complaining of our christening some
late additions to the Navy by such names as Bouncer and Insolent.
Why should not ship's names, as well as ship's keels, be laid down
by the Jingo spirit-level ?
VOL. LXXV.
s