Punch (75.1878)

December 21, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 277

A SELL.

"'Ere's a pretty go, Bill ! See this 'ere Book ? It's called 'a Life
of Petrarch,' the very Oss as me and yott's bin a layin of our money
on so free ! And blowed if I ain't bin an' giv 'Arf-a-Crown for it ! "

"Well, what then?"

"Why, it's all about a bloomin' Poet!"

'AERY ON HIMSELF.

Dear Charlie,

I got your last line. It's some time since I dropped one to you,
And I guess, my dear boy, you '11 be thinking my answer is just upon due.
What you said about me was most flatt'ring; I fancy I ham getting known,
And, in course, notoriety's nice, though it brings nasty knocks of its own!

Tools say that's the fate of all fame, and I reckon for once, they 're 0. K. ;
There is lots has their knives in me, Charlie—that cackle o' mine on the Play
Poked hup the Philistians a few ; but, lor' bless yer, the duffers don't twig,
I must learn elocution, I see, and go in for the clerical rig.

Wot next ? Mayn't a cove give it mouth 'cos his patter ain't up to Pall Mall ?
Nor sport the straight tip on the fashions, except a la Sixpenny Swell ?
The Perlite's werry well in its way, and it covers a lot, I've no doubt,
But it's cads that like double intenders as nags me acos I speak hout.

I do 'ate a Cad, and no error ! The out-and-out Swell is my form ;
I like my high jinks, like my egg-'ot, mixed stiff, rayther spicy, and warm ;
I'm dead on the high lardy-dardy, I loathes a straight-lacer or saint,
Forren games, Gladstone's gabble, and Pads,—and wot is fust-rate form if that
ain't?

Some have called me a Cad! I did 'ope as that old bit of 'umbug was stale.
It ought to been snuffed out, I think, since the Nobs took to toiler our trail.
Our sentiments match to a moral; and as for yer grammar and stuff,
'Tain't a haitch or a har more or less makes a party a snob or a rough.

I say it is mean on one's pals to come down on a chap like this 'ere ;

It's discouraging, 'selp me ! My views is the fashion, that 'spuffeckly clear.

In politics, love-larks, amusements, I'm with the Top Ten to a T,

And it's too bad because I've just said so, to turn the cold shoulder on me !

As to slang, and strong language, and so on, objections to them is all stuff;
What are they but an anticipation—to-morrer's swell-slang in the rough ?

That the nobs prig their patter from ours you may see

by their plays and their books,
And the lingo that's used by Titzeoodle's inwented by

Snobkins or Snooks.

It is true, when their own sort arelisten in, they mayn't,

p'raps, speak out quite so strong,
But, on the Q.T., bless yer 'art! u We all do it" 's the

general song;

They must crib from hus " cads," my dear boy! Swells

ain't got much inwention, you see ;
But to set up our style and then cut us, is all bloomin'

flddlededee!

If they don't like our lay, let 'em shift. But, no fear,

they 're too fond of our game.
If yer want to cold-shoulder your pals, and live up to

their style all the same,
"Keep it dark! don't be wulgar or wilent! " in course is

the mealy-mouthed cry;
But you'll only queer flats in that fashion, the sharp sort

is bound to be fly.

Still you and me 're in it, my pippin, and critics as calls
me a Cad

P'raps feel that they 're tarred with my brush, and it's

that, I suppose, makes 'em mad.
It ain't all a matter o' varnish, nor yet of the shiners you

carry;

If my views and my tastes make me Cad, there are lots of
big Swells like Yours,

'Arry.

CIVIC FESTIVITIES.

(From our Special Reporter.)

"Black Monday" has been long a by-word in the
City, and there is reason to suppose that Monday, the 9th
ult., will be remembered as "White Monday"—a day
deserving to be marked with the whitest of white stones.
Though not announced as a Bank Holiday, it was vir-
tually observed as such, for business seemed to be sus-
pended by general consent, and people appeared bent on
thoroughly enjoying the great pleasure of the day. This,
it hardly need be said, was the day of Mr. Punch's
Almanack, which was as usual welcomed everywhere
with rapturous shouts of mirth, and applause. The
Stock Exchange was literally convulsed on the occasion,
and a similar effect was produced in Lombard Street, at
the Custom House and Lloyd's. The effect upon the
joke market had probably been discounted by certain
knowing speculators ; but it was observed that several
bad puns were withdrawn from circulation, and that
Mr. Punch's bon-mots were freely quoted even after
business hours.

A Professional View of Things.

The Corporation of London, faithful to an ancient
custom, have within the last few days, presented "pieces
of fine livery cloth of four-and-a-half yards each "—not
to the Lord Mayor's state footmen—but to certain great
Officers of State, including the Lord Chancellor, the
Lord Chamberlain, the Lord Chief Baron, and the Master
of the Polls. What the other lucky recipients of the
Civic broad-cloth did with their gifts has not come to
light, but the Lord Chancellor forthwith telegraphed for
his tailor and gave him injunctions for a Suit in Chancery.

"Much Cry and Little Wool."

Parliament called together;

Long speeches ; papers bulky ;
And all to settle the question

When the Ameer turned sulky!

Tree Hospitality {Punch's Advice to Bristol).
" Welcome the coming, speed the parting Guest."

a doubtful recommendation.

Brown. The concern's as safe as the Bank.
Jones. Comparisons are odious.

VOL. LXXV.

b b