Punch (75.1878)

October 12, 1878.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

157

SABBATARIAN SIMILITUDE.

V

—- - - Recreations."

That, as regards

most literature, and most recreations,'.of a popular character, appears
to be the same as the relative position in which a Ritualist Clergy-
man, whilst officiating, stands'before the People to whose admiration
he presents his embroidered shoulders. On those recreations and
that literature, for the greater part, the Church turns its back.

You, Sir, would perhaps have had something new to say concern-
ing topics upon which you are so highly qualified to speak. As it
was, nobody added much, if anything, to the stock of existing
information.

But one speaker, the Rev. C. Bullock, is reported to have dis-
tinguished himself by a metaphor more original than correct :—

"Passing on to the question of popular recreation in connection with Sun-
day observance, Mr. Bullock said that no one could be more alive than he
was to the evil which was wrought morally as well as religiously, by the open
public-house on the Lord's Day. But to meet that evil, as was proposed by
some, by what was termed the counter-attraction of the museum, the picture
gallery, the aquarium, or the theatre, would, as far as he could see, be to
adopt a very bad form of homoeopathic treatment."

Of course, Mr. Punch, the Reverend Gentleman knew the principle
on which homoeopathy is founded to be similia similibus curantur.
Picture galleries, therefore, museums, aquariums, and theatres, he
must regard as things of a like nature with public-houses. Per-
haps, tben, he further considers paintings, sculptures, objects of
natural history, and dramatic entertainments similar, in moral, if
not in physical effect, to intoxicating liquors.

It has not, perhaps, been as generally remarked as it might have
been that, when the Rev. Mr. Bullock: likened, by implication,
things so very different from one another as intellectual amuse-
ments and animal indulgence—Bos locutus est. Bos, let us say
atque Sacerdos—omitting, of course, the examples in the Latin
Grammar which stand between Bos and Sacerdos. Not that I take
Bos to be specifically a sacerdotalist; but, as an expositor of the
common clerical mind, he decidedly speaks very much more like a
Priest than A Latman<

P.S.—Is it not remarkable that in the animadversions on the Stage
delivered by several of the assembled divines, there was no reference
whatever made to performances like those going on at St. Alban's,
Holborn ?

JOHN MALONEY AND PRINCESS ALEXANDRINA.

(Vide Letters in Daily Telegraph.)

Who saved Oueen Vic ?
I, spry and quick,

Says John Maloney.
She was a babby then.
Why behave shabby, then ?
Send me some money.
Britons! your Oueen was saved by this hand !
Now—British Public!—what '11 you stand ?

J. M.

Reply from Balmoral.

Pension to John Malonet, I allot one.

Although, my honey,

You now have money,
You own you 've saved a Sovereign, and you 've got one J

V. R.

PREPARING THE INDIAN PICKLE.

\Too many Cooks.)

The following letters have been sent to 85, Eleet Street. Mr.
Punch cannot ihelp thinking that they all (with the exception of
the last) must have been intended for the columns of his contem-
poraries :—■

Sivord and Fire Club, Pall Mall.
Sir,—Why hasn't Lord Lytton been hanged ? Were good Q,ueen
Bess still amongst us, the Yiceroy would have been drawn and
quartered long before this. What, Sir ! Allow a miserable Blacka-
moor to insult us ! Permit a cowardly nigger to snap his fingers in
the face of the British Lion! Sir, it is shameful! Sir, it is scanda-
lous ! I can hardly write for indignation !

I tell you what we should have done, Sir. The moment our Envoy
was sent back, we ought to have marched a hundred thousand men
into the heart of Afghanistan. You want to know how we should
have done this ? Stuff, Sir, stuff! You don't know what you are
talking about! The British Soldier can do anything—anything, Sir !
I tell you what, Sir, our Indian Empire is a thing of the past!

Yours indignantly,
(Signed) Hercules Bombshell,

Lieut.-General (Retired List).

Noodles' Club, St. James's Street.

Sir,—I do not wish to use strong language, but I cannot help
asking why hasn't Lord Lytton been hanged ? In the days of
Q,ueen Elizabeth the question would have been unnecessary. Her
Majesty knew how to deal with blundering Statesmen.

Sir, I fear the harm done by the Viceroy is past remedy. A
friendly and enlightened chieftain has been needlessly outraged.
The British Lion has snubbed one of his best and firmest allies. It
is really too bad—a great deal too bad !

Of course this unfortunate Mission ought never to have been
despatched. There is no doubt about that. And when Shere Ali
expressed his just indignation, instead of sending soldiers to the
front, the Viceroy should have telegraphed apologies. Sir, from the
first to the last our relations with Afghanistan have been a profound
mistake. I do not wish to take too melancholy a view of the matter,
but I cannot help feeling that our Indian Empire is a thing of the
past. Yours sorrowfully,

(Signed) Cobden Peece,

(Late Bengal Civil Service).

Junior Sword and Fire Club, Pall Mall.
Sir,—The Viceroy deserves the thanks of every true Englishman
for his very spirited conduct in this matter of Afghanistan. The
question is, what should be done next ? I know the country very
well. I have read all the military books dealing with the subject
for the last twenty years, although I have never strayed beyond
Gibraltar. You will see that I am an excellent authority upon the
subject.

Well, Sir, after due deliberation I am convinced that we should
finish tbe war long before the snows of winter begin to accumulate.
It will be easy enough, Sir, to manage a peace before Christmas.
All we have to do is to march immediately to the frontier.

Yours confidently,
(Signed) Charles Shako,

Sub-Lieut. 142nd Regt. Line.

TVoohoich.

Sir,—We ought to be very much obliged to Lord Lytton for
having brought this unpleasant matter in Afghanistan to so satis-
factory a conclusion. We have now to consider what should be done
next. Erom my childhood I have made the geography of Asia a
favourite study. From this you will see that I can really speak
with some authority upon the subject.

I have thought the matter carefully out, and I am convinced that
masterly inactivity should be the order of the day. It really would
be sheer insanity to force our troops into a country simply impassable
in the bitter cold of winter. Prepare as much as you please, but do
not move a step until April, May, or June. Were it asked, such
would be my advice to Lord Lytton.

Yours confidently,
(Signed) Charles Busby,

Sub-Lieut. Royal Artillery.

85, Fleet Street.

Master,—Don't you think the request " not to speak to the man
at the wheel" might be extended to the men at the wheel of State ?
The Afghans have a proverb which we have annexed without appre-
ciating. I mean the proverb which has the English equivalent,
" Speech is silver, but silence is golden."

Yours thoughtfully,
(Signed) Toby.

vol. lxxv.