Punch: Punch (75.1878)

72

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 17, 1878.

ments of this test of all possible Governments. So, in spite of a
groan from Mr. Gladstone, and a growl, accompanied with a good
show of damaging precedents, from Mr. Childers, the House jumped
to Sir Stafford's proposal to renew the little Bill instead of paying
it. Of course Mr. Rylands doesn't like it. But what does he like—
a nasty cantankerous person ? And Mr. E. Jenkins wanted further
explanations; and Sir CI. Campbell, and Sir G. Baleour were dis-
agreeable as usual.

Major Nolan called attention to the insufficiency of the allowance
to the wives and children of Reserve Men. He pointed out that while
sixpence a day to the wife, and twopence a day to each child, is the
sum now allowed wives and families of men serving in India, they
have rations and quarters besides.

While Colonel Stanley was speaking in reply, the deep voice of
the Major was heard chorussing each sentence with a "hear, hear "
so sonorous that nobody could hear anything else. Called to
"Order" by the House, and bade to desist by the Speaker, the
Major refused point-blank, alleging his right to call " ' hear, hear,'
after every comma, if I choose, and every semi-colon." Pressed to
give way, he hardened his heart, and re-asserted his right in still
stronger terms. Ajax defying the Brand of Jove, is the only
parallel that occurs to us of the Major braving the Brand of the
House—the awful and omnipotent Speaker, who in vain called on
him for an apology.

In the end, the last reserve of the Speaker's power was called into
play—the reluctant bolt was hurled—the Major was " Named."
This awful exercise of authority is so rare that the memory of it is
confined to a few of the oldest inhabitants of the House.

This " solemn duty," as Sir Stafford Northcote very properly
called it, having been discharged, it devolved on him, as Leader of
the House, to move that the Honourable and gallant Member, for
his disorderly interruption and disrespectful conduct to the Chair,
be directed to withdraw.

In vain the chivalrous O'Connor Power, and the self-sacrificing
Sir P. O'Brien strove to induce the mighty O'Gorman to change fehe
Major key for the Minor ; in plain English, to apologise. He pre-
ferred to withdraw, and take the as yet unimagined consequences.

Dr. O'Leart pleaded that the Major was labouring under strong
excitement "by considerations of professional wrong," as Sir P.
O'Brien was careful to explain, "lest the excitement shoidd be
attributed to any other cause." In spite of an effort to get the words
" disrespectful" and " disorderly " struck out of the Motion, it was
carried, with another, that the matter be considered to-morrow,
when the Major should be summoned to attend. Then the House
calmed down sufficiently to return to business.

Mr. Hatter hoped the Government did not mean to adopt the
recommendation of the Joint Committee of the War Office and Civil
Service Commissioners to give marks for athletics in examinations for
Commissions. Major Arbuthnot thought a combination of phy-
sical and intellectual examinations would work well. Mr. Campbell
Bannerman thought otherwise.

Colonel Stanley would give the matter his best consideration,
which hitherto he had not been able to do. But he thought the o?ius
probandi lay on the Committee. There had been no complaint of want
of stamina, activity, or aptitude for athletics on the part of the
competition officers.

(Surely, exclusion for physical incapacity would secure all the
athletics necessary, without giving thews and sinews undue pull
over brains.)

Wednesday.—Plank-beds in Irish prisons again on the tapis. Mr.
Mitchell Henry wished to know whether the Irish Prison Board-
bed was going by the Board ? Mr. Lowther holds on to the
Board, but would be willing to allow an indentation in it in the case
of female prisoners. But bed-clothes and a night-dress are per-
mitted.

(The sooner the Government gives up this stupid piece of severity
the better.)

Then followed a touching scene. The Major apologised, and was
restored to the bosom of his afflicted family.

What a subject for the Artist who in the Commons House of the
Future is charged to paint the most memorable incidents that have
transpired in the Commons House of the Past!

Mr. Dillwyn asked for a Select Committee to winnow the Esti-
mates. The House said No, by 64 to 46.

Mr. Hayter moved to reduce the Supplementary Army Estimates
by £25,000, the charge for huts at Cyprus, by way of drawing the
Government of any information in its possession about that highly
interesting island. The Marquis of Hartington followed suit. He
wanted to know what was the meaning of sending the Indian force
to Cyprus ? The Chancellor of the Exchequer says the garrison
will be 2,000. Why send 10,000 ? How about the health of the force
—their accommodation ? " He would not be surprised to hear that
neither the Admiralty nor the War Office could give any detailed in-
formation." This Captain Stanley proceeded to prove/by admitting
as much. General chorus of " Que diable allez-vous faire dans cette
isle de Cythere ? " Nobody seems to know. Perhaps, as the occu-

pation goes on, the Government may find out. Occupation by the
troops will breed occupation for them.

For the present, all is in the dark, beyond the fact that there the
troops are, and very hot they find it, and that a good many of them
are down with fever.

Thursday (Lords).—Several Bills advanced a stage towards the
happy dispatch of Royal Assent.

(Commons.)—Captain Pim, that "simple sailor," on Naval Re-,
serves. Messrs. Macdonald, Burt, and the Home Secretary on
the very unsatisfactory subject of Colliery Explosions—for which
somehow nobody ever seems to get punished—the poor ignorant reck-
less miners, who are 'to blame for so many of these catastrophes,
because they are generally the first sufferers; and the careless pro-
prietors or managers, who are infinitely less excusable, because of
the difficulty of getting the deaths laid at the right door.

Mr. Fawcett wanted more light on the principles that would
guide the Government in carrying out the Anglo-Turkish Conven-
tion, and the guarantees for the needed reforms. So did Mr. E.
Jenkins.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer replied that

" What the Government hoped was to bring about an agreement with the
Porte by which certain specific reforms wouid be introduced into the judicial
revenue, and police systems, which, it was believed, would give a prospect of
improvement to the country."

Brave hopes! But how about guarantees ?

Friday (Lords).—Cattle Diseases Bill back, as amended. The
Duke of Richmond coidd hardly have known his child, yet he wel-
comed it with every sign of affection, notwithstanding that the
" stain of the Commons is over it all."

(Co)nmons.)—Bishoprics Bill pushed merrily through Committee—
undamaged by the assault of the Nolo-episcoparis, Courtney and
Campbell, and Cowen and Jenkins.

Final Vote in Supply taken, and—

" Last stage of all,
That ends this uneventful history "—

Appropriation Bill brought in. The Ministerial Fish Dinner
stands for Wednesday next.

Finis Session is clear in view, after eight months of more cry
and less wool than in the memory of the oldest inhabitant of St.
Stephen's.

HOW TO ENJOY A HAPPY DOG-DAY.

. 6 a.m. — Rise
and take a well-
iced tub.

7 a.m.—Dress
leisurely in white
linen.

8 a.m.—Break-
fast off a cup of
iced coffee and a
wafer.

9 a.m.— Read
the first line of
the first Leader
of the Times.

10 a.m.—Read
the last line of
the last Leader
of the Times.

11 a.m.—Calm-
ly think over
what you have
read.

12 a.m.—Go to
sleep in a refri-
gerator.

1 p.m.—Go to
sleep again.

2 p.m.—More ice in the refrigerator, and more sleep.

3 p.m.—Dine off a cut from an ieed quail and a coupie ot nec-
tarines.

4 p.m.—Unlimited claret-cup.

5 p.m.—Lie on a sofa and look at another man smoking.

6 p.m.—Get into an ice-tub and doze.

7 p.m.—Get out of vour ice-tub and rest.

8 p.m.—Go to bed in a hammock sluug between two bushy trees,
and sleep, if you can, till next morning.

Canada (after the departure of Lord Dufferin). For-LoRN.

ro CoanESPOJTDSNTS.—The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a

stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be kept.