Punch: Punch (75.1878)

Octobeb 5, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 147

TRAVELLER TOO BONA FIDE.

Dusty Pedestrian. "I should like a Glass of Beer, Missis, please-"

landlady. " Hae ye been Trevellin' by Rell ? "
Pedestrian. "No, I've been Walking—Fourteen Miles."

Landlady. " Na, na, nae Drink will ony yin^et here, wha's been Pleesure-
seekin' o' the Sawbath Day ! ! "

"JUDGE NOT HASTILY."

From the Times' paragraph subjoined it may appear that an unhappy peasant has had
to suffer severely for a slight offence, and that Shropshire Justices make a preposterous
account of

" Rabbits.—John Leaby, a labourer, with two children, has, by the County Magistrates at Ludlow,
been committed to gaol for twenty-one days, without the option of paying a fine, for taking a rabbit out
of a trap in a hedge at Dilbury at night, and also required to give £20 bail not to offend, again for twelve
months." w

But could the prisoner have paid a fine ? and would any labourer be able to do that
unless he were an habitual poacher ? These questions are to be asked before it is assumed
that the County Magistrates at Ludlow are Squires who regard rabbits as sacred animals,

insomuch as to punish the petty offence of
"boning" one by committing a poor
labourer to the House of Correction, and,
perhaps, consigning his wife and family to
the Workhouse.

CIKCTJLAE NOTES.

{Contributed by Our Jotter.)

The Patron Saint for Messrs. Cook should
be St. Martin of Tours.

A _ Gentleman, very particular as to
locality, told me he felt a little uncertain
of his position in Doubty Street, W.C. I
replied that it, was spelt u Doughty." We
argued. " 'Dough,'" says he, " spells'Doe';
therefore it's Doety Street." "But," I
replied, '' ' Plough' spells ' Plow ;' therefore
' tis Dowty Street," " ' Tough,' " says he,
'' is pronounced ' Tuff;' so ' tis Duffty
Street." "If you come to that," I re-
joined, " ' Hough,' spells ' Hock,'and there-
fore ' tis Dockty Street." This argumentum
iid " hock " made us thirsty, and we quaffed.
There was a great deal to be said on both
sides ; more than fits into this paragram.
Yes, "paragram" is the word. Why not
"paragram?" You send me a telegram,
not a telegraph. You will telegraph me a
telegram, and I will paragraph you a para-
gram. When the Learned Universities
discussed the " Telegram " Question, years
ago, no one suggested " paragram."

I've thought much of it since then,
and this is the result in the Ollendorhan
Method :—

Has the man telegraphed a telegram ?
He has not telegraphed a telegram, but he
has photographed a photogram. The chil-
dren of my neighbour {i.e., my neighbour's
children), paragraphed a paragram. What
do you photograph ? I photograph a pho-
togram, but the sisters of the physician
{i.e., the physician's sisters), paragraph a
paragram, &c, &c.

Where is the man who will write a history
of the London Statues, with portraits and
original designs ? Guide to the Statues of
London, by one of themselves, signed Statue
Quo. _

Lord Beaconsfield, to Greece, " Sons
of freedom, you have a glorious past to
look back to, a promising future—and—and
—what can you want more for the pre-
sent?" This is my Lord Beaconsfield's
nice present for Greece, if she '11 only be a
good girl, and not bother. A historical
people shoidd never become a hysterical
people. _

Which is the best quarter of London
to live in ? I should be delighted to find
any part of London where there was " no
quarter" given, or taken. But there, it's
all owing to the Moon, that we have any
quarter-days at all. This " argument from
design," in the creation of the Moon, ought
to be sufficient to confute and confound
any infidel, especially if he be a landlord.

Some illustrated papers produce portraits
of distinguished individuals, for which the
artists should be drawn first, then quar-
tered on the Editor for a month, and then
executed on their own wood blocks on Tower
Hill. By the way a good mediaeval illus-
tration of a Tour de force was the Tower
of London. -

There is a fine plot of land to be let at
Birchington, Kent, quite a site for a School.
Ground at Birchington is sold by the rod.