Punch: Punch (75.1878)

198

[November 2, 1878.

THE MAIN CHANCE.

Wistful Mcderfamilias {reading Evening Paper). "Here's another of those Allingtox Girls married!—and to that young
Carew, of the Grange, of all people! How well those Girls go off, to be sure!"
Paterfamilias. "Ah, awfully good-looking Girls, those Aldingtons.''

Materfamilias [severely). "It's not the good looks. It's because they're so well brought up !"
Chorus of Daughters. "Oh, do bring 17s up well, Mamma dear!"

SOLDIER'S SONG.

(Adapted from the "Lady of the Lake," and respectfully dedicated to
Captain and Colonel Burnaby, by Air. Punch.)

Let Gladstone in public still wash, like an owl,
Britannia's Linen, when he thinks it foul:
Yankee fashions and folks up sky-high let him crack,
On his own mother-country come down with a whack,—

But, whoop, Burnaby, keep up your pecker !

By St. Jingo still swear, and a fig for th' Exchequer !

The fool! He can't see every Russian's a rip,
With his tongue in his cheek and a lie on his lip ;
But on Turkish Atrocities still keeps his eye,
And won't give a poor Pasha's least slip the go-by,—
But, whoop, Burnaby !—like a three-decker,
Blaze into him, do—and a fig for th' Exchequer !

Our Gladstone thus preaches, and why should he not,
Now his party is dished and his chance gone to pot ?—
Since Beaconsfield's left him and his in the lurch,—
The right head of the State, the right hand of the Church-
Then whoop, Burnaby, Hughenden's Mecca,
And, with Dizzy for Prophet, a fig for th' Exchequer !

"Who says the gilt wears off the gingerbread fast ?

That of B.'s Peace with Honour we 've nigh heard the last ?

That the peace turned to war too soon England will see,

By which time, who knows where the honour will be ?
But, whoop, Burnaby, keep up your pecker,
The war-trumpet blow—and a fig for th' Exchequer!

Alarming Fit of the Vapours.—Among Gas Shareholders.

"LORD SEND US A GITDE CONCEIT 0' OURSELS."

Among all the unexpected powers revealed by Sir Stafford
Northcote's recent stumping tour in the Midlands, the power of
getting comfort from strange sources is perhaps the most striking.

After the revelation of utter unpreparedness in every step taken,
or rather, not taken, by the AVar Office in connection with the late
occupation of Cyprus, who would have expected to read this in our
buoyant Chancellor of the Exchequer's Dudley oration :—

" No doubt while the lessons of the Crimean "War were at once melancholy
and salutary .... nothing could be more cruel or more unjustifiable than to
expose gallant men to loss of life, and to great privations and sufferings for
wantof preparations and supplies. (Cheers.) And if now it should be our ill
fortune at any time to be compelled to call upon that army to vindicate the
honour of the country, we feel that we may do so without any feeling oi
remorse and self-reproach which must have been felt by the Ministers of the
time when they were sending men to hard service and the risk of life without
preparation."

This is pretty cool in the face of the sufferings of the fever-stricken
garrison of Cyprus, alternately shivering or sweltering in bell-tents,
without anything to show that the least foresight has been exercised
by the War Office for the preservation of their health, or the
smallest provision made for their comfort or convenience.

Cooking and Dishing-.

The French do not altogether excel us in Cookery. British
Directors of Joint-Stock Companies beat the best of Frenchmen in
cooking accounts. Yet one often hears of a Bank Parlour, but
never of a Bank Kitchen. Every Bank has its Parlour, of course.
Let us hope and trust that Banks containing Kitchens in which any
other things than articles of food are cooked are rare and rascally
exceptions to the general rule.