DOI issue:
December 7, 1878
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17733#0261
December 7, 1878.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
257
renounced, not private judgment, but merely one persuasion for
another ?
Is not the only person who really renounces private judgment the
Agnostic, who, as to subjeets on which he feels that he knows nothing
whatever, refuses to form any judgment at all ?
Does not the partridge renounce private judgment, as renounced
by Mr. Orby Shipley, when, in apprehension of approaching danger,
it shuts its eyes, and pokes its head into a hole s
"UNE CAUSE CELEBKE.
Penny Whizzlee, A. A. A. {Anglo-American Artist) v. %p$#$m
(High-Art Critie).
{Tried before Baron Puzzleton and a Special Jury.)
Serjeant Thetjst and learned Juniors for the Plaintiff; Sir John
Joker, Q,.C, and other learned Counsel for the defence.
Scene—Court full of pictures, principally Penny Whizzlee's, who
has also got a roomfull on view at an hotel in the neighbourhood.
In fact, it is quite a little holiday for Penny Whizzler, who is in
great feather, which appears, as an arrangement in white, on the
top of his forehead; though in attacking the great Critic, Mr. Rub-
skin, the Anglo-American Artist cannot be said to have '' displayed
the white feather."
Our Reporter, as usual, did not arrive until the middle of the
trial, and the following is his condensed report:—
Sir John Joker, Q.C {cross-examining Mr. Penny Whizzlbr,
A.A.A.). And I dare say you thought that with one of these Noc-
turnes you would Knock Turner out of the field ? {Chuckles from
Juniors ; smiles from Jurymen ; laughter of Spectators; gravity
from the Judge, who does not approve of any jokes being laughed at
except his own. On order being restored, Sir J. J. resumes.) And
one of these Nocturnes,—you knock hit ''urn off in two hours, eh ?
{Great laughter, exeept from Judge, who suddenly remembers a
real good story, that will make them all roar,—he will ivatch his
opportunity.) And for two hours' work you ask two hundred pounds P
Um ?
Penny Whitzler {gloriously, with a true American touch d la
Baenoi). JSTo; Sir! I ask two hundred dollars—I mean pounds—
for the Experience of a Life Time ! !
[Immense applause. The Judge, still waiting for his opportu-
nity to tell his good story, and not yet seeing it, suppresses
the unseemly exhibition of feeling.
Sir John Joker. Now, I '11 ask you about thi«. {Points to a
picture—one of Penny Whizzler's.) What is this meant for ?
Serjeant Thrust {speaking up for his client.) I dare say Mr.
Whizzler will be able to inform you, if he stands on his head, as
you've got that picture upside down.
\_Roars of laughter. The Judge fancies at first that he sets the
opportunity for his good story. But as he is making up his
mind, he is interrupted by the answer of the Plaintiff.
Penny Whizzler {to his Counsel). No, I beg your pardon, Sir;
it's all right. It's not upside down.
[More laughter, in which Serjeant Tukcst joins.
Sir John Joker. Well, it doesn't much matter. The picture—
that is, the painting—would be much the same in any position.
What is it ?—a bridge, an elephant, or a telescope ?
[Shouts of laughter. Judge leans back, and sees, with regret,
the chances of bringing in his good story groicing fainter and
fainter. He determines to lug it in somehoiv.
Penny Whizzler. Well, Sir, if you were the lucky purchaser, I
should say, "It's whatever you like, my little dear. You pays
your money, and you takes your choice."
[Great laughter, suppressed by the Judge, who sees that every-
body will be exhausted before he can get his good story
out; during which the Plaintiff leaves the box.
Mr. Hang Brown {examined by Serjeant Thrust). I am an artist,
a remarkable artist. Yes ; that is my opinion. I think Mr. Penny
Whizzlee's pictures want finish.
Sir John Joker {half aside). Yes, the sooner he puts the finish to
them the better.
[Titter. Serjeant Thrust regards Sir John indignantly, and
the Judge ivonders if the time for his good story has at last
arrived.
Serjeant Thrust {alluding to a Picture, by an Old Master, in
Court). This is Titian's Picture of—of—of—{Refers to his brief)—
ah! yes, of Andeew Catti.
Baron Puzzleton. Gatti—Gatti—let me see !
[Thinks he has heard the name before, and refers to his notes.
Wonders whether this is the opportunity for his story.
Serjeant Thrust {who has been, in the meantime, f urther instructed
by Solicitor). JSTo, my Lord, not Gatti, but Geitti—Doge Geitti.
[The Picture, however, was, after all, described in one newspaper
report as "o/Andra Gatti,"—Me Reporter being delighted
to do a turn to the ivell-knoivn Restaurant.
Sir John Joker. Doge Gritti.' Are you quite sure it's not a
picture of " Little Sandy " ?
Penny Whizzler {front his seat). No, Sir, it's a genume paintin'
—it's Geitti. In fact, it's the " true gritti.'"
[Laughter from admiring friends—when, suddenly, the Judge
sees his way to the good story.
Baron Puzzleton. I don't want to make anyone laugh—{Everyone
prepares for a grin)—but I remember a story of some one who
bought a picture as a genuine Titian {grin on [all features becoming
more and more marked), and when he came to examine it through
his glasses—I must tell you Lhe was an Op-titian—{shouts— Ushers
in fits)—he found [out that only; half of it was by Titian ; so he
stuck it up as a screen, and made it into a Part-titian !
[Roars. Jurymen in ecstasies, punching one another in the
ribs. Ushers rolling on the ground. Policeman runs
out of Court into Westminster Mall, to tell it to a
friend outside. During this scene of uproarious hilarity our
Reporter adjourned for lunch, and only returned to hear the
last part of the summing up.
Baron Puzzleton. No doubt the eminent critic, Mr. Rubskin,
was quite right in his opinion, but wrong in his way of ex-
pressing it. If there be any truth in the old adage, " Ars est
celare artem," then Mr. Penny Whizzler is a great artist, as he
has thoroughly succeeded in concealing his art. Yet this is no
reason why he should be called a " Cockney coxcomb." Mr. Penny
Whizzler should rather thank Mr. Rubskin for having given him
such_ an opportunity, as this has been, for informing the general
public of his existence, of which the general public was probably
not_ aware. However, it is for you, Gentlemen of the Jury, to
decide whether the Plaintiff has been damaged by the Defendant,
or not.
The Jury found that the Defendant had done exactly one'farthing's
damage to the Plaintiff.
Baron Puzzleton. That, Gentlemen, is your verdict, and a very
good one, too. We have all to thank Mr. Penny Whizzler for an
exceedingly pleasant couple of mornings in Court; and henceforth,
instead of being called Mr. Penny Whizzler, he will have three-
fourths taken off his name, and be known as Mr. Earthing
Whizzler.
[More laughter ; during which the Judge bows to everyone, and
retires gracefully. End of Scene in Court.
WHAT SUNDAY-CLOSING DOES FOR DUBLIN.
The following Times paragraph maybe
regarded as an illustration of the
effect of that paternal enactment:—
" The Irish Sunday Closing Act.—Our
Dublin Correspondent mites under date
Nov. 25 :—' The arrests for drunkenness in
Dublin between 7 a.m. on Saturday and 2 p.m.
on Sunday for the forty weeks from Juno, 1877,
to March, 1878, numbered, 4332, the average
of each batch of arrests being 108. The arrests
for drunkenness between the corresponding
hours during the five weeks following on the
coming of the Sunday Closing Act into opera-
tion were G85, the average of each batch of
arrests being 137."
These results appear to rather more
than warrant the conclusion that:—
" Up to the present, therefore, the Sunday
closing Act in Dublin does not seem to have
diminished the amount of drink consumed,
although it has certainly been productive of
the be6t results in the orderly condition of
the streets on Sunday evenings."
The Sunday Closing Act in Dublin seems, instead of diminishing,
to have notably increased the amount of drink consumed; if increase
in drinking may be held to bear any proportion to increase of arrests
for drunkenness. How, then, to account for the orderly condition
of the streets on Sunday evenings ? Perhaps, by the supposition that
the tippling classes, for their Sunday's consumption, have generally
laid in a store of whiskey, which, unlike beer, will keep in a bottle ;
that they stay at home drinking all day, and by the time that
Sunday evening has oome, are most of them a great deal too tight
to turn out of their houses. Apparently, therefore, the Irish Sunday
Closing Act for the prevention of intemperance is answering its
purpose in a truly Irish manner. Only the Teetotallers keep on
telling us that drunkenness is also increasing in England. That, if
a fact, has also followed the enactment of a statute partly closing
taverns and restaurants on Sundays. What an argument on behalf
of the aaritation for closing them altogether !
Hut
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
257
renounced, not private judgment, but merely one persuasion for
another ?
Is not the only person who really renounces private judgment the
Agnostic, who, as to subjeets on which he feels that he knows nothing
whatever, refuses to form any judgment at all ?
Does not the partridge renounce private judgment, as renounced
by Mr. Orby Shipley, when, in apprehension of approaching danger,
it shuts its eyes, and pokes its head into a hole s
"UNE CAUSE CELEBKE.
Penny Whizzlee, A. A. A. {Anglo-American Artist) v. %p$#$m
(High-Art Critie).
{Tried before Baron Puzzleton and a Special Jury.)
Serjeant Thetjst and learned Juniors for the Plaintiff; Sir John
Joker, Q,.C, and other learned Counsel for the defence.
Scene—Court full of pictures, principally Penny Whizzlee's, who
has also got a roomfull on view at an hotel in the neighbourhood.
In fact, it is quite a little holiday for Penny Whizzler, who is in
great feather, which appears, as an arrangement in white, on the
top of his forehead; though in attacking the great Critic, Mr. Rub-
skin, the Anglo-American Artist cannot be said to have '' displayed
the white feather."
Our Reporter, as usual, did not arrive until the middle of the
trial, and the following is his condensed report:—
Sir John Joker, Q.C {cross-examining Mr. Penny Whizzlbr,
A.A.A.). And I dare say you thought that with one of these Noc-
turnes you would Knock Turner out of the field ? {Chuckles from
Juniors ; smiles from Jurymen ; laughter of Spectators; gravity
from the Judge, who does not approve of any jokes being laughed at
except his own. On order being restored, Sir J. J. resumes.) And
one of these Nocturnes,—you knock hit ''urn off in two hours, eh ?
{Great laughter, exeept from Judge, who suddenly remembers a
real good story, that will make them all roar,—he will ivatch his
opportunity.) And for two hours' work you ask two hundred pounds P
Um ?
Penny Whitzler {gloriously, with a true American touch d la
Baenoi). JSTo; Sir! I ask two hundred dollars—I mean pounds—
for the Experience of a Life Time ! !
[Immense applause. The Judge, still waiting for his opportu-
nity to tell his good story, and not yet seeing it, suppresses
the unseemly exhibition of feeling.
Sir John Joker. Now, I '11 ask you about thi«. {Points to a
picture—one of Penny Whizzler's.) What is this meant for ?
Serjeant Thrust {speaking up for his client.) I dare say Mr.
Whizzler will be able to inform you, if he stands on his head, as
you've got that picture upside down.
\_Roars of laughter. The Judge fancies at first that he sets the
opportunity for his good story. But as he is making up his
mind, he is interrupted by the answer of the Plaintiff.
Penny Whizzler {to his Counsel). No, I beg your pardon, Sir;
it's all right. It's not upside down.
[More laughter, in which Serjeant Tukcst joins.
Sir John Joker. Well, it doesn't much matter. The picture—
that is, the painting—would be much the same in any position.
What is it ?—a bridge, an elephant, or a telescope ?
[Shouts of laughter. Judge leans back, and sees, with regret,
the chances of bringing in his good story groicing fainter and
fainter. He determines to lug it in somehoiv.
Penny Whizzler. Well, Sir, if you were the lucky purchaser, I
should say, "It's whatever you like, my little dear. You pays
your money, and you takes your choice."
[Great laughter, suppressed by the Judge, who sees that every-
body will be exhausted before he can get his good story
out; during which the Plaintiff leaves the box.
Mr. Hang Brown {examined by Serjeant Thrust). I am an artist,
a remarkable artist. Yes ; that is my opinion. I think Mr. Penny
Whizzlee's pictures want finish.
Sir John Joker {half aside). Yes, the sooner he puts the finish to
them the better.
[Titter. Serjeant Thrust regards Sir John indignantly, and
the Judge ivonders if the time for his good story has at last
arrived.
Serjeant Thrust {alluding to a Picture, by an Old Master, in
Court). This is Titian's Picture of—of—of—{Refers to his brief)—
ah! yes, of Andeew Catti.
Baron Puzzleton. Gatti—Gatti—let me see !
[Thinks he has heard the name before, and refers to his notes.
Wonders whether this is the opportunity for his story.
Serjeant Thrust {who has been, in the meantime, f urther instructed
by Solicitor). JSTo, my Lord, not Gatti, but Geitti—Doge Geitti.
[The Picture, however, was, after all, described in one newspaper
report as "o/Andra Gatti,"—Me Reporter being delighted
to do a turn to the ivell-knoivn Restaurant.
Sir John Joker. Doge Gritti.' Are you quite sure it's not a
picture of " Little Sandy " ?
Penny Whizzler {front his seat). No, Sir, it's a genume paintin'
—it's Geitti. In fact, it's the " true gritti.'"
[Laughter from admiring friends—when, suddenly, the Judge
sees his way to the good story.
Baron Puzzleton. I don't want to make anyone laugh—{Everyone
prepares for a grin)—but I remember a story of some one who
bought a picture as a genuine Titian {grin on [all features becoming
more and more marked), and when he came to examine it through
his glasses—I must tell you Lhe was an Op-titian—{shouts— Ushers
in fits)—he found [out that only; half of it was by Titian ; so he
stuck it up as a screen, and made it into a Part-titian !
[Roars. Jurymen in ecstasies, punching one another in the
ribs. Ushers rolling on the ground. Policeman runs
out of Court into Westminster Mall, to tell it to a
friend outside. During this scene of uproarious hilarity our
Reporter adjourned for lunch, and only returned to hear the
last part of the summing up.
Baron Puzzleton. No doubt the eminent critic, Mr. Rubskin,
was quite right in his opinion, but wrong in his way of ex-
pressing it. If there be any truth in the old adage, " Ars est
celare artem," then Mr. Penny Whizzler is a great artist, as he
has thoroughly succeeded in concealing his art. Yet this is no
reason why he should be called a " Cockney coxcomb." Mr. Penny
Whizzler should rather thank Mr. Rubskin for having given him
such_ an opportunity, as this has been, for informing the general
public of his existence, of which the general public was probably
not_ aware. However, it is for you, Gentlemen of the Jury, to
decide whether the Plaintiff has been damaged by the Defendant,
or not.
The Jury found that the Defendant had done exactly one'farthing's
damage to the Plaintiff.
Baron Puzzleton. That, Gentlemen, is your verdict, and a very
good one, too. We have all to thank Mr. Penny Whizzler for an
exceedingly pleasant couple of mornings in Court; and henceforth,
instead of being called Mr. Penny Whizzler, he will have three-
fourths taken off his name, and be known as Mr. Earthing
Whizzler.
[More laughter ; during which the Judge bows to everyone, and
retires gracefully. End of Scene in Court.
WHAT SUNDAY-CLOSING DOES FOR DUBLIN.
The following Times paragraph maybe
regarded as an illustration of the
effect of that paternal enactment:—
" The Irish Sunday Closing Act.—Our
Dublin Correspondent mites under date
Nov. 25 :—' The arrests for drunkenness in
Dublin between 7 a.m. on Saturday and 2 p.m.
on Sunday for the forty weeks from Juno, 1877,
to March, 1878, numbered, 4332, the average
of each batch of arrests being 108. The arrests
for drunkenness between the corresponding
hours during the five weeks following on the
coming of the Sunday Closing Act into opera-
tion were G85, the average of each batch of
arrests being 137."
These results appear to rather more
than warrant the conclusion that:—
" Up to the present, therefore, the Sunday
closing Act in Dublin does not seem to have
diminished the amount of drink consumed,
although it has certainly been productive of
the be6t results in the orderly condition of
the streets on Sunday evenings."
The Sunday Closing Act in Dublin seems, instead of diminishing,
to have notably increased the amount of drink consumed; if increase
in drinking may be held to bear any proportion to increase of arrests
for drunkenness. How, then, to account for the orderly condition
of the streets on Sunday evenings ? Perhaps, by the supposition that
the tippling classes, for their Sunday's consumption, have generally
laid in a store of whiskey, which, unlike beer, will keep in a bottle ;
that they stay at home drinking all day, and by the time that
Sunday evening has oome, are most of them a great deal too tight
to turn out of their houses. Apparently, therefore, the Irish Sunday
Closing Act for the prevention of intemperance is answering its
purpose in a truly Irish manner. Only the Teetotallers keep on
telling us that drunkenness is also increasing in England. That, if
a fact, has also followed the enactment of a statute partly closing
taverns and restaurants on Sundays. What an argument on behalf
of the aaritation for closing them altogether !
Hut