DOI Heft:
December 7, 1878
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17733#0268
264 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 7, 1878.
THE PIOUS CHANCELLOR'S CREED.
{Post-prandially formulated by the Prince Von B. himself, found in a Buseh, and to be taken, perhaps, with a grain of Salt.)
I do believe in Providence, I I do believe most men are fools,
On grounds most firm and valid ; And need despotic ruling
Its rulings have shown strength and sense, | Bygone past-master in the schools
And with my views have tallied.
'Tis ever on the stronger side,
And while my side's the stronger,
I shall acknowledge it with pride.
(But not a moment longer !)
I hold to Faith robust and stout,
And, Heaven and I agreeing,
All duffers who presume to doubt,
Deserve eternal d-ing.
I'm sole exponent of the truth,
Of genuine Christianity,
Cleared from all cant of love and ruth,
And humbug of humanity.
I do believe in days and dates,
As I'm a (sort of) sinner ;
I hold those fools defy the fates,
Who sit thirteen at dinner.
That Friday ventures badly fare,
For reasons past explaining ;
That he 's an ass who has his hair
Of force and clever fooling
That dangers which beset the State,
And risks that kings environ,
Demand a will as stern as Fate,
A rule of blood and iron.
I do believe in subtle skill
Disguised as brutal frankness,
And the display of ruthless will
In rowdy 7-e^er-rankness.
As well shirk shedding blood for fear
Of staining God's pure daisies,
As strive to rule this lower sphere
By sentimental phrases.
I hold the great Germanic race
Is Heaven's favourite bantling,
Supreme in virile power and grace,
And breadth of moral scantling.
That Franks arehounds, their womenpigs,—
Gr-r-r ! I the vain vile vermin hate ! Love, piety, or pottin^,
I'd squelch them—but for pap-soul'd prigs j Is Providence's special way,'
Cut when the moon is waning. Who funk the word " exterminate." ; And Heaven's own allotting.
I do believe free Parliament
Means dawdling, drivelling, do tin
Save only when it is content
With silent money-voting.
I hold, of all pretenders crass
Who ever claimed dominion,
The worst is that gregarious ass
Mcknamed " Public Opinion."
I do believe the fittest head,
To shape and sway the nations,
Is one which has no need to dread
Competitive potations.
Latin is humbug, Greek is rot,
And Science a small matter;
Faustrecht thrives best on a full pot
And a well-loaded platter.
In fine, I do believe in Force
(Of fight, or faith, or feeding)
Uncramped by conscience, ruth, remorse,
Good-nature or good-breeding.
That Strength should sway in council, fray,
THE SOCIETY JOURNAL.
E
Ixcellent ME.
punch,
With your
habitual omnisci-
ence you have doubt-
less observed that
the human race is
nowadays no less
avida novitatis than
it was in those
classic ages when
its greediness was
thus embodied in an
aphorism. This
greed for news is
possibly the reason
why there are so
many newspapers
afloat, and why
some of them at any
rate strive to save
themselves from
sinking by not
being too particu-
lar as to what they
print. News is an
elastic word, and
may be stretched to well-nigh an_ indefinite extent; and Editors
who are not troubled with a conscience need not be careful as to
what they print, so long, at least, as they keep on the blind side of
the law.
Clubs were formerly considered to be strictly private places,
where Gentlemen might meet as in their own houses, Avithout appre-
hension that confidence would be betrayed, or privacy violated. Some
old fogies may imagine that the strictly private acts of men in
private life are hardly fair subjects for public comment. I myself,
perhaps, might own, in a weak moment, to such squeamishness—
or delicacy, if you like the word better. But I am too poor to
indulge in such luxuries.
Putting delicacy aside, therefore, and coming straight to business,
I propose to start a journal whose pages shall be devoted entirely to
chronicling and commenting upon the private acts, words, and looks,
of private people. Clubs will be in my hands simply weapons of
offence: and I shall use them to hit right and left, no matter who
may suffer. To add to the attraction of my journal, scandal of all
sorts will be freely admitted to my columns, and abundant space
reserved for nasty personal remarks. Insinuations and inuendoes
will be specially encouraged, and prominently placed. Hints at
trickery at cards will be plentifully sprinkled in my '' Whispers
from the West," and the most transparent pseudonyms will indicate
the persons thus publicly attacked. Family quarrels will be faith-
fully recorded free of charge, and flirtations divulged with the
briefest possible delay. The gossip of the green-room will be made
a special feature, and anecdotes of actresses will be carefully
invented for the purpose of supplying lovers of fast life with
amusing subjects of small talk. Angry correspondents will be thank-
fully encouraged to continue their disputes; and a sub-editor of
small stature will attend in the office to be kicked by any person
who is willing to pay for the privilege of committing an assault. In
short, no pains will be spared to make my journal talked about, and
to bring it into general contempt and disrepute. I hope thus to
secure for it the largest possible, if not, perhaps, quite a world-wide,
circulation, and if I can only manage to get a few good actions for
libel brought against my publisher, I expect to make my fortune, or,
at least, to keep my carriage, before the year is out.
For the present, I refrain from publishing my real name, which
hereafter niay be famous, and am content to sign myself,
Yours, most humbly,
Grub Street. The Man at Everybody's Keyhole.
Bos, M.P., Locutus Est,
{On the Winter Session.)
" This, it is to be Member!
Dragged to Town in December—
Leave the covers before they've been shot!
Lose the pick of the season !
And all for no reason,
But to vote straight, and listen to rot."
A Black Prospect.
Auld Scotch Bodie {loquitur). Weel, weel, what wi' Affgauns in
India, an' Ongauns in Glasga', I diuna ken what the world's comin'
tae!______
At Cost of Costs.
{Quoth Whistler over his Farthing Damages.)
My nocturnes, " blue and silver," and eke black and gold,
Are paying " arrangements," pictorial and proper ;
But, by this blue and copper arrangement I'm sold,
In which I find the blue and the jury the copper.
from manchester.
A Meeting of Creditors.—11 And does not a meeting like this
make amends ? " No ; not often. Heugh ! prisca fides .'.'
A Consideration eor Society Journals.—The greater the Truth
the greater the Libel.
Apt Illustration.—Idealism and Realism: Courtship and Marriage.
To Cobkkspondents.—The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a
stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be lept.
THE PIOUS CHANCELLOR'S CREED.
{Post-prandially formulated by the Prince Von B. himself, found in a Buseh, and to be taken, perhaps, with a grain of Salt.)
I do believe in Providence, I I do believe most men are fools,
On grounds most firm and valid ; And need despotic ruling
Its rulings have shown strength and sense, | Bygone past-master in the schools
And with my views have tallied.
'Tis ever on the stronger side,
And while my side's the stronger,
I shall acknowledge it with pride.
(But not a moment longer !)
I hold to Faith robust and stout,
And, Heaven and I agreeing,
All duffers who presume to doubt,
Deserve eternal d-ing.
I'm sole exponent of the truth,
Of genuine Christianity,
Cleared from all cant of love and ruth,
And humbug of humanity.
I do believe in days and dates,
As I'm a (sort of) sinner ;
I hold those fools defy the fates,
Who sit thirteen at dinner.
That Friday ventures badly fare,
For reasons past explaining ;
That he 's an ass who has his hair
Of force and clever fooling
That dangers which beset the State,
And risks that kings environ,
Demand a will as stern as Fate,
A rule of blood and iron.
I do believe in subtle skill
Disguised as brutal frankness,
And the display of ruthless will
In rowdy 7-e^er-rankness.
As well shirk shedding blood for fear
Of staining God's pure daisies,
As strive to rule this lower sphere
By sentimental phrases.
I hold the great Germanic race
Is Heaven's favourite bantling,
Supreme in virile power and grace,
And breadth of moral scantling.
That Franks arehounds, their womenpigs,—
Gr-r-r ! I the vain vile vermin hate ! Love, piety, or pottin^,
I'd squelch them—but for pap-soul'd prigs j Is Providence's special way,'
Cut when the moon is waning. Who funk the word " exterminate." ; And Heaven's own allotting.
I do believe free Parliament
Means dawdling, drivelling, do tin
Save only when it is content
With silent money-voting.
I hold, of all pretenders crass
Who ever claimed dominion,
The worst is that gregarious ass
Mcknamed " Public Opinion."
I do believe the fittest head,
To shape and sway the nations,
Is one which has no need to dread
Competitive potations.
Latin is humbug, Greek is rot,
And Science a small matter;
Faustrecht thrives best on a full pot
And a well-loaded platter.
In fine, I do believe in Force
(Of fight, or faith, or feeding)
Uncramped by conscience, ruth, remorse,
Good-nature or good-breeding.
That Strength should sway in council, fray,
THE SOCIETY JOURNAL.
E
Ixcellent ME.
punch,
With your
habitual omnisci-
ence you have doubt-
less observed that
the human race is
nowadays no less
avida novitatis than
it was in those
classic ages when
its greediness was
thus embodied in an
aphorism. This
greed for news is
possibly the reason
why there are so
many newspapers
afloat, and why
some of them at any
rate strive to save
themselves from
sinking by not
being too particu-
lar as to what they
print. News is an
elastic word, and
may be stretched to well-nigh an_ indefinite extent; and Editors
who are not troubled with a conscience need not be careful as to
what they print, so long, at least, as they keep on the blind side of
the law.
Clubs were formerly considered to be strictly private places,
where Gentlemen might meet as in their own houses, Avithout appre-
hension that confidence would be betrayed, or privacy violated. Some
old fogies may imagine that the strictly private acts of men in
private life are hardly fair subjects for public comment. I myself,
perhaps, might own, in a weak moment, to such squeamishness—
or delicacy, if you like the word better. But I am too poor to
indulge in such luxuries.
Putting delicacy aside, therefore, and coming straight to business,
I propose to start a journal whose pages shall be devoted entirely to
chronicling and commenting upon the private acts, words, and looks,
of private people. Clubs will be in my hands simply weapons of
offence: and I shall use them to hit right and left, no matter who
may suffer. To add to the attraction of my journal, scandal of all
sorts will be freely admitted to my columns, and abundant space
reserved for nasty personal remarks. Insinuations and inuendoes
will be specially encouraged, and prominently placed. Hints at
trickery at cards will be plentifully sprinkled in my '' Whispers
from the West," and the most transparent pseudonyms will indicate
the persons thus publicly attacked. Family quarrels will be faith-
fully recorded free of charge, and flirtations divulged with the
briefest possible delay. The gossip of the green-room will be made
a special feature, and anecdotes of actresses will be carefully
invented for the purpose of supplying lovers of fast life with
amusing subjects of small talk. Angry correspondents will be thank-
fully encouraged to continue their disputes; and a sub-editor of
small stature will attend in the office to be kicked by any person
who is willing to pay for the privilege of committing an assault. In
short, no pains will be spared to make my journal talked about, and
to bring it into general contempt and disrepute. I hope thus to
secure for it the largest possible, if not, perhaps, quite a world-wide,
circulation, and if I can only manage to get a few good actions for
libel brought against my publisher, I expect to make my fortune, or,
at least, to keep my carriage, before the year is out.
For the present, I refrain from publishing my real name, which
hereafter niay be famous, and am content to sign myself,
Yours, most humbly,
Grub Street. The Man at Everybody's Keyhole.
Bos, M.P., Locutus Est,
{On the Winter Session.)
" This, it is to be Member!
Dragged to Town in December—
Leave the covers before they've been shot!
Lose the pick of the season !
And all for no reason,
But to vote straight, and listen to rot."
A Black Prospect.
Auld Scotch Bodie {loquitur). Weel, weel, what wi' Affgauns in
India, an' Ongauns in Glasga', I diuna ken what the world's comin'
tae!______
At Cost of Costs.
{Quoth Whistler over his Farthing Damages.)
My nocturnes, " blue and silver," and eke black and gold,
Are paying " arrangements," pictorial and proper ;
But, by this blue and copper arrangement I'm sold,
In which I find the blue and the jury the copper.
from manchester.
A Meeting of Creditors.—11 And does not a meeting like this
make amends ? " No ; not often. Heugh ! prisca fides .'.'
A Consideration eor Society Journals.—The greater the Truth
the greater the Libel.
Apt Illustration.—Idealism and Realism: Courtship and Marriage.
To Cobkkspondents.—The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a
stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be lept.