DOI issue:
November 23, 1878
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17733#0244
240
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[Novembbk 23, 1878.
WAR WITHOUT SINEWS.
(A Correspondence in NuMbus.)
The Commander-in-Chief of Her Imperial Britannic Majesty's
Forces before Cabul to the Representative of His Imperial
Majesty the Czar of All the Hussias inside the same, fyc., §c.
7 a.April 1, 1879.
Sir—I hasten to ac-
knowledge your com-
munication of this
morning's date, informing
me that, owing to the non-
receipt of the expected
supplies of boots, gun-
powder, forage, rations,
pay, and pockethandker-
chiefs by the Russian force
of 50,000 men of all arms
now advancing to the_ as-
sistance of His Royal High-
ness the Ameer, _ you are
disposed to consider the
terms of a compromise
which may be honourable
to both of us. I have no
hesitation, as Commander
of the forces of Her Royal
and Imperial Britannic
Majesty, in admitting, that
as, notwithstanding their
heroic conduct throughout
the campaign, the gallant
troops I have the honour
to command are suffering
severely from the unac-
countable failure of coats, cartridges, and commissariat,_ owing to
difficulties of transport on wheels and by pack animals which I need
not dwell upon at present, I have received your communication with
satisfaction. I should be glad to take into consideration anything
you have to propose.—I have the honour to be, &c., &c.
The Representative of His Imperial Majesty the Czar of all the
Russias to the British General outside Cabal.
Dear General, APril 1 ^New StVle^ 8 A^u
I have read your frank and friendly answer to my letter
with cordial sympathy. "What I propose is that we should settle this
awkward affair, on behalf of our respective august Sovereigns,
by dividing into two equal shares all we can lay hands upon in the
public treasury, reserving to ourselves the right of annexing as much
private property as we can conveniently carry off. I would further
suggest that we might toss for the guns, public buildings, the Royal
collection of wild animals, and (if you see no objection to it), His
Royal Highness the Ameer himself. Such an arrangement seems to
me to be the only one that could be honourably entertained by two
great, if, for the moment, impecunious powers. Assuring you that
I have not touched a kopec of my salary for the last eighteen months,
I am, with profound homage, &c., &c.
The Commander-in-Chief of Her Imperial Britannic Majesty''s
Forces before Cabul to the Representative of His Imperial
Majesty the Czar of all the Russias inside the same.
My Dear General, 9 a-5r-> APril *> 1879-
I am too old a soldier not to appreciate the confidence with
which your letter concluded. You will be prepared for my assurance
of warm sympathy, when I tell you that I had to raise money on my
best uniform before I could get away from Peshawur, and am safe
to be "wanted" by more than one Sheriff's Officer on my return
to_ Simla, should I be spared to reach it. This comes of making war
without first providing its sinews; but when the Exchequer is
empty, and the Yiceroy has, entre nous, to trust to what he can
make by publishing his poems by subscription, a poor old soldier
must not grumble. To revert to the business immediately in hand.
I am agreeable to the course you suggest, but would prefer throwing
you in both the tigers and the Ameer, as we might find a difficulty,
in making proper commissariat arrangements for them under existing
circumstances. What do you say ?—Yours sincerely,
&c, &c.
The Representative of His Imperial Majesty the Czar to the British
General outside Cabul.
My dear General, APril 1 (New Style), 10 a.m.
Delighted to oblige you if I could, but I am afraid that
while my august Sovereign coiild, I doubt not, easily find room for
culty about His Royal Highness. However, if you can't place the
Ameer in London, I will ascertain whether there is likely to be an
opening for him shortly in Siberia or the Caucasus.
Yours, with every consideration, &c, &6.
P.S.—I am sorry to ask you to tip my messenger ; but if you find
this in the least inconvenient, shoot him.
The Commander-in-Chief of Her Imperial Britannic Majesty's
Forces before Cabul to the Representative of His Imperial
Majesty the Czar of All the Russias inside the same.
My dear General, Noon, April 1, 1879.
Shall we take it as settled that, on behalf of His Majesty
the Czar of All the Russias, you take the tigers as an equivalent to
our taking the Ameer ? Thus you will not have to put your Govern-
ment to any trouble about Siberia ; and I think I shall be able to
arrange for the appearance of His Afghan Highness at the West-
minster Aquarium, though his engagement may have to be deferred
till the termination of Zazel's still attractive performance, which is,
as you will easily understand, and as Robertson has reminded me
by telegraph, as yet uncertain. He expresses confidence, which, he
says, Farini shares with him, that the Ameer will be a "great
draw." He adds, playfully, that the Aquarium only wants one
drawer at a time ; not a whole chest of drawers. Begging that this
correspondence may now close, as I have to give your messenger a
shilling every time,
I am yours, most sincerely, &c, &c.
the tigers at the St. Petersburg Gardens, there might be some diffi- | we say en battue at Sandringham
ECHOES OE THE BACK-STAIRS.
[From Our Own Man at Other People's Key-holes.)
The Lord Chancellor, your readers will probably be interested
to learn, is a master of the happy art of enforcing his political views
with professional aphorisms, thus putting what may be called a fine
legal point on the truth, and driving it, if one may so say, home.
After the momentous Cabinet Council of the other day, at which
it was determined to give the troublesome ruler of Afghanistan a
last chance, as Ministers were breaking up—for the time—Cairns
turned back from the door-way to call to Salisbury, who was
chatting with Be.vcoxsfield by the fireplace,—
" And don't forget to tell Schoua'aloff to remind the Czar of the
legal maxim—' Quifacit per (Shere) Alium, facit per sc.' "
Beaconsfield's usual imperturbable insensibility to Cabinet
attempts at Avit was, for once, fairly broken down. He tripped,
rather than toddled, across the Cabinet-room, and, grasping Cairns's
hand, said heartily,—" I should like to haA7e said that."
Salisbury has been repeating the mot, and not always, I am
afraid, with due acknowledgment of the author ship. One is glad
to set that all right.
******
" An uncommonly clever summary that of Dodson's at Chester!"
Sir Stafford, with his usual candour and readiness to do justice to
his opponents, remarked to the Permanent Secretary, over a glass of
sherry, at the Treasury luncheon the other day. '' Brings out the
telling points in favour of their own Budgets, and against ours,
capitally; above all, so clearly."
Clearly? Umph! " said Lingen, in his dry way, which, how-
ever, masks a great deal of sardonic humour, "then it isn't a case
of Dodson and Fog, at all events ! " _
This allusion to the once famous Pickwickian firm was not for the
moment obvious to the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Avhose per-
ception of a joke is not of the quickest. But when Lingen explained
it to him, he seemed to enjoy it; at least, he laughed heartily.
I had thought of sending this really good thing to the keen-witted
Member for Chester, who would thoroughly have appreciated both
the point of the allusion, and the compliment from an opponent.
On second thoughts, I determined to let the world have it in an Echo.
* * * * * *
When the Secretary of the Admiralty waited on the Premier last
week with news of the brilliant success of the embarkation at Liver-
pool of the new GoA7ernor-General of the Dominion, and his charm-
ing and affable Princess Louise,—or eA^en "Louie," as one_ feels
tempted to call one who has made herself so much at home in all
hearts and circles—on hearing that they had had the Storm- Code
for tender while their steamer was the Sarmatian.—"Two names
for the same ship, / should have thought," put in Beaconsfield.
Egerton evidently did not take.
"Don't you see?" rather testily rejoined the Premier,—gout
does not improve the temper,-—"Sarmatian means Scythian; and
Scythian means Russian; and. surely'the Russian is just now the
Storm-Cock of the walk ! "
Egerton might have felt some irritation at having had to look a
request for the explanation ; but he knew his man too well to let
this out. So he swallowed his annoyance, and booked the joke for
colportage round the Clubs. I hope I am not " wiping his eye," as
To CoBr.EspoNDEN-TS.-rAe Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a
stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be kept.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[Novembbk 23, 1878.
WAR WITHOUT SINEWS.
(A Correspondence in NuMbus.)
The Commander-in-Chief of Her Imperial Britannic Majesty's
Forces before Cabul to the Representative of His Imperial
Majesty the Czar of All the Hussias inside the same, fyc., §c.
7 a.April 1, 1879.
Sir—I hasten to ac-
knowledge your com-
munication of this
morning's date, informing
me that, owing to the non-
receipt of the expected
supplies of boots, gun-
powder, forage, rations,
pay, and pockethandker-
chiefs by the Russian force
of 50,000 men of all arms
now advancing to the_ as-
sistance of His Royal High-
ness the Ameer, _ you are
disposed to consider the
terms of a compromise
which may be honourable
to both of us. I have no
hesitation, as Commander
of the forces of Her Royal
and Imperial Britannic
Majesty, in admitting, that
as, notwithstanding their
heroic conduct throughout
the campaign, the gallant
troops I have the honour
to command are suffering
severely from the unac-
countable failure of coats, cartridges, and commissariat,_ owing to
difficulties of transport on wheels and by pack animals which I need
not dwell upon at present, I have received your communication with
satisfaction. I should be glad to take into consideration anything
you have to propose.—I have the honour to be, &c., &c.
The Representative of His Imperial Majesty the Czar of all the
Russias to the British General outside Cabal.
Dear General, APril 1 ^New StVle^ 8 A^u
I have read your frank and friendly answer to my letter
with cordial sympathy. "What I propose is that we should settle this
awkward affair, on behalf of our respective august Sovereigns,
by dividing into two equal shares all we can lay hands upon in the
public treasury, reserving to ourselves the right of annexing as much
private property as we can conveniently carry off. I would further
suggest that we might toss for the guns, public buildings, the Royal
collection of wild animals, and (if you see no objection to it), His
Royal Highness the Ameer himself. Such an arrangement seems to
me to be the only one that could be honourably entertained by two
great, if, for the moment, impecunious powers. Assuring you that
I have not touched a kopec of my salary for the last eighteen months,
I am, with profound homage, &c., &c.
The Commander-in-Chief of Her Imperial Britannic Majesty''s
Forces before Cabul to the Representative of His Imperial
Majesty the Czar of all the Russias inside the same.
My Dear General, 9 a-5r-> APril *> 1879-
I am too old a soldier not to appreciate the confidence with
which your letter concluded. You will be prepared for my assurance
of warm sympathy, when I tell you that I had to raise money on my
best uniform before I could get away from Peshawur, and am safe
to be "wanted" by more than one Sheriff's Officer on my return
to_ Simla, should I be spared to reach it. This comes of making war
without first providing its sinews; but when the Exchequer is
empty, and the Yiceroy has, entre nous, to trust to what he can
make by publishing his poems by subscription, a poor old soldier
must not grumble. To revert to the business immediately in hand.
I am agreeable to the course you suggest, but would prefer throwing
you in both the tigers and the Ameer, as we might find a difficulty,
in making proper commissariat arrangements for them under existing
circumstances. What do you say ?—Yours sincerely,
&c, &c.
The Representative of His Imperial Majesty the Czar to the British
General outside Cabul.
My dear General, APril 1 (New Style), 10 a.m.
Delighted to oblige you if I could, but I am afraid that
while my august Sovereign coiild, I doubt not, easily find room for
culty about His Royal Highness. However, if you can't place the
Ameer in London, I will ascertain whether there is likely to be an
opening for him shortly in Siberia or the Caucasus.
Yours, with every consideration, &c, &6.
P.S.—I am sorry to ask you to tip my messenger ; but if you find
this in the least inconvenient, shoot him.
The Commander-in-Chief of Her Imperial Britannic Majesty's
Forces before Cabul to the Representative of His Imperial
Majesty the Czar of All the Russias inside the same.
My dear General, Noon, April 1, 1879.
Shall we take it as settled that, on behalf of His Majesty
the Czar of All the Russias, you take the tigers as an equivalent to
our taking the Ameer ? Thus you will not have to put your Govern-
ment to any trouble about Siberia ; and I think I shall be able to
arrange for the appearance of His Afghan Highness at the West-
minster Aquarium, though his engagement may have to be deferred
till the termination of Zazel's still attractive performance, which is,
as you will easily understand, and as Robertson has reminded me
by telegraph, as yet uncertain. He expresses confidence, which, he
says, Farini shares with him, that the Ameer will be a "great
draw." He adds, playfully, that the Aquarium only wants one
drawer at a time ; not a whole chest of drawers. Begging that this
correspondence may now close, as I have to give your messenger a
shilling every time,
I am yours, most sincerely, &c, &c.
the tigers at the St. Petersburg Gardens, there might be some diffi- | we say en battue at Sandringham
ECHOES OE THE BACK-STAIRS.
[From Our Own Man at Other People's Key-holes.)
The Lord Chancellor, your readers will probably be interested
to learn, is a master of the happy art of enforcing his political views
with professional aphorisms, thus putting what may be called a fine
legal point on the truth, and driving it, if one may so say, home.
After the momentous Cabinet Council of the other day, at which
it was determined to give the troublesome ruler of Afghanistan a
last chance, as Ministers were breaking up—for the time—Cairns
turned back from the door-way to call to Salisbury, who was
chatting with Be.vcoxsfield by the fireplace,—
" And don't forget to tell Schoua'aloff to remind the Czar of the
legal maxim—' Quifacit per (Shere) Alium, facit per sc.' "
Beaconsfield's usual imperturbable insensibility to Cabinet
attempts at Avit was, for once, fairly broken down. He tripped,
rather than toddled, across the Cabinet-room, and, grasping Cairns's
hand, said heartily,—" I should like to haA7e said that."
Salisbury has been repeating the mot, and not always, I am
afraid, with due acknowledgment of the author ship. One is glad
to set that all right.
******
" An uncommonly clever summary that of Dodson's at Chester!"
Sir Stafford, with his usual candour and readiness to do justice to
his opponents, remarked to the Permanent Secretary, over a glass of
sherry, at the Treasury luncheon the other day. '' Brings out the
telling points in favour of their own Budgets, and against ours,
capitally; above all, so clearly."
Clearly? Umph! " said Lingen, in his dry way, which, how-
ever, masks a great deal of sardonic humour, "then it isn't a case
of Dodson and Fog, at all events ! " _
This allusion to the once famous Pickwickian firm was not for the
moment obvious to the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Avhose per-
ception of a joke is not of the quickest. But when Lingen explained
it to him, he seemed to enjoy it; at least, he laughed heartily.
I had thought of sending this really good thing to the keen-witted
Member for Chester, who would thoroughly have appreciated both
the point of the allusion, and the compliment from an opponent.
On second thoughts, I determined to let the world have it in an Echo.
* * * * * *
When the Secretary of the Admiralty waited on the Premier last
week with news of the brilliant success of the embarkation at Liver-
pool of the new GoA7ernor-General of the Dominion, and his charm-
ing and affable Princess Louise,—or eA^en "Louie," as one_ feels
tempted to call one who has made herself so much at home in all
hearts and circles—on hearing that they had had the Storm- Code
for tender while their steamer was the Sarmatian.—"Two names
for the same ship, / should have thought," put in Beaconsfield.
Egerton evidently did not take.
"Don't you see?" rather testily rejoined the Premier,—gout
does not improve the temper,-—"Sarmatian means Scythian; and
Scythian means Russian; and. surely'the Russian is just now the
Storm-Cock of the walk ! "
Egerton might have felt some irritation at having had to look a
request for the explanation ; but he knew his man too well to let
this out. So he swallowed his annoyance, and booked the joke for
colportage round the Clubs. I hope I am not " wiping his eye," as
To CoBr.EspoNDEN-TS.-rAe Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a
stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be kept.