DOI issue:
February 5, 1881
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17750#0061
February 5, 1881.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI 53
THE THEATRES.
Hoot-La! Here we are in a stall at Hengler's, moving or
rather resting in the very best of Circles, capital entertainment
being contributed, " for man and beast," by " Toro the Performing
Bull," who, with the aid
of two Spanish gentlemen,
in gay costume, a horse-
whip, a halter, and an
occasional mouthful of
dog biscuit, successfully,
though not without a
severe intellectual strug-
gle, grapples with the
intricate problem of stand-
ing contemplatively for a
considerable time on two
inverted milk-white mash-
tubs. Watching the in-
tense thought brought to
bear by this reflective
creature—who, for mere
steak, must be worth at
least two-and-ninepence a
pound—upon feats which
a couple of ponies earlier
Cie-cussoeaey Kemaeks. in the programme, and a
monkey, subsequently,
disposed of with a facility bordering on contempt, one was inclined
to ask oneself whether Toro would not, after all, be more com-
pletely at home penned up, and slightly overfed, with a ticket, at a
Cattle Show. However, his performance was very creditable even
in a programme filled with good things, and including '' Six Merry
Clowns."
Sanger's.—After 3fazeppa comes the Pantomime of St. George and
the Dragon, or, The Beauty and the Beast. Capitally mounted, well
acted, and with never a flagging instant, we pass from the
Cave of the Enchanted Champions to the Limpid Lake in the
Land of Love (what a title for Mr. Swinburne !), from the City
of Somewhere to the Palace of Paimmy Fizz, from the Terrace of the
Palace to the Hall of Nations ; and this is a good scene. The Hall
is handsomely
painted. Armies
of troops of all na-
tions flock on the
stage till it is well
nigh full; but this
is but half of what
we have to see.
Here come the
Messrs. Sangers'
chances, and they
avail themselves of
them. No less
than twenty gor-
geously apparelled
knights ride in on
real live horses;
Eastern warriors
on real live camels;
and half-a-dozen
real live elephants.
Then rides in St.
George, mounted
on a white charger.
From above de-
scends the Beast,
a gruesome mon-
ster, who threatens
Beauty. St. George A Fly with the Deag-on.
and the Dragon
fight. The great Beast is slowly overcome, and sinks to the ground,
where St. George gives him his final death-thrust. Bravo, Messrs.
G. & J. Sanger!
The weather has been something fearful for Managers. They
sped the departure of the Unwelcome Guests, Frost and Snow, and
hailed the first appearance of the work by a new and seasonable
Dramatist, whom they saluted with cries of "Au-thaw ! Au-thaw! "
to sir wilfrid 1aws0n.
" The best name for a firm of wine-merchants that I ever heard
of," observed an eminent teetotaller, " is Wisdom and Warter."
An Irish Gentleman remarked that there must be some mistake in
the second syllable of the first name, Avhich ought to be " key."
THE GRIFFIN ! GOING ! GOING!
{1st Bid.) Birmingham, January 27,1881.
Our firm does a large business in South Sea divinities, and
we are prepared, if the figure be not too high, to take the Griffin off
your hands. A Kajawasa potentate writes us, that having sent his
god to the Paris Exhibition, it was honourably mentioned, but
never returned. He also encloses his esteemed order for another.
We offer £5, a very good second-hand price.
Yours, &c,
Grollt, Mould, and Castem.
{2nd Bid.) Banbury, January 27,1881.
I have been commissioned by an Austrian Arch-Duke to
supply him with a wedding-cake, of handsome proportions; andit
has occurred to me that the City Griffin, carefully coated with white
sugar, would make an effective centre-piece. If you are willing to
take 15s. 6d. for the animal, as it stands, and throw in the chalk
bas-reliefs, I am prepared to treat with you.
Yours, &c,
J. BUEEIN.
{3rd Bid.) Paris, January 27, 1881.
Glorious Fraternity,—Is not the memory of your Temple
Bar immortalised by the display of the head of Charles the First ?
This consecrates it. France kisses the Griffin. Send it, carriage
prepaid, and complete our solidarity. Blessing your embraces.
Yours, &c,
Victor Hugo.
{4th Bid.) Eddy stone Lighthouse, January 27, 1881.
Look here. There ain't much going artistic down this way
from one year's end to another. Send 'im 'ere; there's room for
'im on the rock. Yours,
The Keeper.
{otk Bid.) Bayreuth, January, 1881._
If capable of being filled with steam,_ and supplied with
mechanical legs, I have a part that will just suit the mystic creature
in my new Opera. Yours, &c,
Richard Wagner.
{6th Bid.)
Give it to the Duke of Mudford to mark the site of Covent
Garden when the rubbish is cleared away.
J. T. Bedford.
THEATRE ROYAL, ST. STEPHEN'S.
Dialogue in the Manager's Private Room.
Mr. Forster {the Author of a New Sensational Irish Drama).
Then you will keep the piece ?
Mr. W. E. Gladstone {Manager of Theatre Royal, St. Stephe?i's).
Decidedly. It must be done in two good strong Acts. Act I.,
Coercion. Act II., Remedies.
Author. Yes. And I 'U take care in the first to allude to certain
important points in the second.
Manager. Of course. They must be carefully led up to.
Author. The reading will occupy some time.
Manager. It will play sharper than it reads. I '11 superintend the
rehearsals, and depend upon me to cut out all useless scenes, which
only waste time, try the patience of the public, and delay the action.
Author. I think it '11 be a success.
Manager. I hope so. \_Exeunt severally.
The Police and the Public.
" Charges of assault preferred against Policemen have of late been lament-
ably frequent."—Standard.
The Police should protect us, and do well enough
'Gainst assaults of the burglar and raids of the rough;
But it seems, as reward, that they wish to go out
And on no provocation to knock us about;
So 'tis clear if this sad state of things should increase,
We must call in the burglars for aid 'gainst the police !
Bumbledom, Fumbledom, and G-rumbledom.
Grumbledom is always complaining of Bumbledom, when it ought
to attack Fumbledom. Fumbledom will not attend to its own affairs,
but hands them over to Bumbledom. Bumbledom consists of three
members, Ignorance, Impudence, and Incompetence, and these have
the administration of Forty MiUions sterling a year—or a sum equal
to one half of the Imperial revenue. If Grumbledom and Fumble-
dom were to unite their forces and destroy Bumbledom, London
would have fifty thousand scavengers the same as Paris.
THE THEATRES.
Hoot-La! Here we are in a stall at Hengler's, moving or
rather resting in the very best of Circles, capital entertainment
being contributed, " for man and beast," by " Toro the Performing
Bull," who, with the aid
of two Spanish gentlemen,
in gay costume, a horse-
whip, a halter, and an
occasional mouthful of
dog biscuit, successfully,
though not without a
severe intellectual strug-
gle, grapples with the
intricate problem of stand-
ing contemplatively for a
considerable time on two
inverted milk-white mash-
tubs. Watching the in-
tense thought brought to
bear by this reflective
creature—who, for mere
steak, must be worth at
least two-and-ninepence a
pound—upon feats which
a couple of ponies earlier
Cie-cussoeaey Kemaeks. in the programme, and a
monkey, subsequently,
disposed of with a facility bordering on contempt, one was inclined
to ask oneself whether Toro would not, after all, be more com-
pletely at home penned up, and slightly overfed, with a ticket, at a
Cattle Show. However, his performance was very creditable even
in a programme filled with good things, and including '' Six Merry
Clowns."
Sanger's.—After 3fazeppa comes the Pantomime of St. George and
the Dragon, or, The Beauty and the Beast. Capitally mounted, well
acted, and with never a flagging instant, we pass from the
Cave of the Enchanted Champions to the Limpid Lake in the
Land of Love (what a title for Mr. Swinburne !), from the City
of Somewhere to the Palace of Paimmy Fizz, from the Terrace of the
Palace to the Hall of Nations ; and this is a good scene. The Hall
is handsomely
painted. Armies
of troops of all na-
tions flock on the
stage till it is well
nigh full; but this
is but half of what
we have to see.
Here come the
Messrs. Sangers'
chances, and they
avail themselves of
them. No less
than twenty gor-
geously apparelled
knights ride in on
real live horses;
Eastern warriors
on real live camels;
and half-a-dozen
real live elephants.
Then rides in St.
George, mounted
on a white charger.
From above de-
scends the Beast,
a gruesome mon-
ster, who threatens
Beauty. St. George A Fly with the Deag-on.
and the Dragon
fight. The great Beast is slowly overcome, and sinks to the ground,
where St. George gives him his final death-thrust. Bravo, Messrs.
G. & J. Sanger!
The weather has been something fearful for Managers. They
sped the departure of the Unwelcome Guests, Frost and Snow, and
hailed the first appearance of the work by a new and seasonable
Dramatist, whom they saluted with cries of "Au-thaw ! Au-thaw! "
to sir wilfrid 1aws0n.
" The best name for a firm of wine-merchants that I ever heard
of," observed an eminent teetotaller, " is Wisdom and Warter."
An Irish Gentleman remarked that there must be some mistake in
the second syllable of the first name, Avhich ought to be " key."
THE GRIFFIN ! GOING ! GOING!
{1st Bid.) Birmingham, January 27,1881.
Our firm does a large business in South Sea divinities, and
we are prepared, if the figure be not too high, to take the Griffin off
your hands. A Kajawasa potentate writes us, that having sent his
god to the Paris Exhibition, it was honourably mentioned, but
never returned. He also encloses his esteemed order for another.
We offer £5, a very good second-hand price.
Yours, &c,
Grollt, Mould, and Castem.
{2nd Bid.) Banbury, January 27,1881.
I have been commissioned by an Austrian Arch-Duke to
supply him with a wedding-cake, of handsome proportions; andit
has occurred to me that the City Griffin, carefully coated with white
sugar, would make an effective centre-piece. If you are willing to
take 15s. 6d. for the animal, as it stands, and throw in the chalk
bas-reliefs, I am prepared to treat with you.
Yours, &c,
J. BUEEIN.
{3rd Bid.) Paris, January 27, 1881.
Glorious Fraternity,—Is not the memory of your Temple
Bar immortalised by the display of the head of Charles the First ?
This consecrates it. France kisses the Griffin. Send it, carriage
prepaid, and complete our solidarity. Blessing your embraces.
Yours, &c,
Victor Hugo.
{4th Bid.) Eddy stone Lighthouse, January 27, 1881.
Look here. There ain't much going artistic down this way
from one year's end to another. Send 'im 'ere; there's room for
'im on the rock. Yours,
The Keeper.
{otk Bid.) Bayreuth, January, 1881._
If capable of being filled with steam,_ and supplied with
mechanical legs, I have a part that will just suit the mystic creature
in my new Opera. Yours, &c,
Richard Wagner.
{6th Bid.)
Give it to the Duke of Mudford to mark the site of Covent
Garden when the rubbish is cleared away.
J. T. Bedford.
THEATRE ROYAL, ST. STEPHEN'S.
Dialogue in the Manager's Private Room.
Mr. Forster {the Author of a New Sensational Irish Drama).
Then you will keep the piece ?
Mr. W. E. Gladstone {Manager of Theatre Royal, St. Stephe?i's).
Decidedly. It must be done in two good strong Acts. Act I.,
Coercion. Act II., Remedies.
Author. Yes. And I 'U take care in the first to allude to certain
important points in the second.
Manager. Of course. They must be carefully led up to.
Author. The reading will occupy some time.
Manager. It will play sharper than it reads. I '11 superintend the
rehearsals, and depend upon me to cut out all useless scenes, which
only waste time, try the patience of the public, and delay the action.
Author. I think it '11 be a success.
Manager. I hope so. \_Exeunt severally.
The Police and the Public.
" Charges of assault preferred against Policemen have of late been lament-
ably frequent."—Standard.
The Police should protect us, and do well enough
'Gainst assaults of the burglar and raids of the rough;
But it seems, as reward, that they wish to go out
And on no provocation to knock us about;
So 'tis clear if this sad state of things should increase,
We must call in the burglars for aid 'gainst the police !
Bumbledom, Fumbledom, and G-rumbledom.
Grumbledom is always complaining of Bumbledom, when it ought
to attack Fumbledom. Fumbledom will not attend to its own affairs,
but hands them over to Bumbledom. Bumbledom consists of three
members, Ignorance, Impudence, and Incompetence, and these have
the administration of Forty MiUions sterling a year—or a sum equal
to one half of the Imperial revenue. If Grumbledom and Fumble-
dom were to unite their forces and destroy Bumbledom, London
would have fifty thousand scavengers the same as Paris.