Punch: Punch (75.1878)

48

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 3, 1878.

RIDDLES FOR THE RECESS.

iving different views on ques-
tions of the day for the benefit
of tJie British Elector.

Is the Island of Cyprus
"the fairest jewel in the
British Crown," or "the
' Wapping' of the Mediter-
ranean" ?

Has the conduct of the
English Plenipotentiaries at
the Congress of Berlin '' de-
served the enthusiastic gra-
titude of an acclaiming
Empire," or " ought it to be
branded by all rational poli-
ticians as 'infamous and
astonishing'" ?

Will the secresyy tcith
which Her 3Iajesty's Go-
vernment have conducted
certain recent negotiations,
'' bear the enlightened scru-
tiny of reflective states-
men?" or, "drive every
Englishman who values his
liberties to ask himself
whether the volcano that produced Magna Charta is extinct? "

Was the\importation of the Indian troops into Europe " a splendid
and far-seeing master-stroke of Imperial policy ? " or, "the vulgar
and expensive antic of a spangled circus-poser ? "

Has The Earl\of Beaconsfield "added to the prerogative of the
Crown a legitimate and lustrous splendour," or ought he "to be
burntpinBeffigy on every village-green where the true principles of
Constitutional history are discussed and digested ? "

"Is The Anglo-Turkish Convention the crowning master-stroke of
far-seeing and Imperial policy ? " as the Daily Telegraph pro-
claims, or, " an insane proceeding, involving the country, without a
word of previous warning, or an opportunity for national considera-
tion, in great risks and incalculable responsibilities," as Mr. Glad-
stone contends.

And, ought The Unhappy British Elector " to listen to the violent
partisan shibboleth that is being prepared for putting into-his mouth
on both sides," or "to take a sensible, calm, and impartial look
round on his own account, and then give his vote accordingly ? "

PREACHING AND PRACTICE.

At a medical conversazione, held after dinner, around the hospi-
table board of Sir William Jenkins, attention was called to an
appeal to the Faculty by a daily journal, in an article on " The
Perils of Fashionable Life" those besetting "the fashionable dis-
sipation of a London season" with its resultant evils; the damage
done to the _ system by the giddy whirl of pleasures, late hours,
constant excitement, over-heated, and ill-ventilated rooms, expo-
sure to sudden _ changes of temperature, want of sleep, impru-
dent indulgence in stimulants—against all which medical men were
invited to protest more emphatically and generally than they do
—the invitation being especially addressed to " the majority of
the busiest practitioners in the West End," who were urged "to
steadily discountenance " these fast and foolish eourses.

Dr. Gutneaman said the article in question was quoted and
endorsed in a professional journal, which admitted that they (the
Faculty) " had not taken the subject up as they ought to have done.
Public hygiene had monopolised too much of their attention, to the
neglect of private hygiene ; and they had witnessed with too much
indifference those social abuses and irregularities to which many of
the disorders among the higher classes are to be chiefly attributed."
Yery likely. Their attention to public hygiene had vastly improved
the public health. The like consequence, no doubt, would result
from equal attention to private hygiene. Yes ; but how would that
affect private practice ?

Dr. Juesey.—Fancy the effect, in a business point of view, of
successful remonstrance against those unhealthy habits, which, as
we know, produce nearly all the disorders prevalent among the
higher classes. How could doctors live, if there were no diseases ?
That would be the necessary consequence of thorough attention to
public hygiene, and private hygiene, too.

Sir Cute Shaeples.—The Profession are called upon to preach
obedience to the laws of health. Preaching is the province of the

Clergy. But as to that, the cure of bodies differs materially from
the cure of souls. If the souls are cured by it, so much the better
both for the souls and the sermoniser. The Parson gets paid all the
same. But the Physician's exhortations, in so far as they are
effectual, impair his income.

Mr. Abeenethy Jones.—True; but they are effectual in very few
cases indeed. I speak from experience. My patients all belong to
the better orders, so called—those that 'Aeey styles the "Upper
Ten." I never cease pointing out to them the error and stupidity
of their ways in respect of eating and_ drinking, late hours in heated
rooms, impure air, and all the rest of it. What is the consequence ?
They give me great credit, but, for the most part, pay me not the
slightest attention. My practice is never at all the worse for my
preaching. In the mean time—liberavi animam meam—and I com-
bine the enjoyment of an undiminished income with the satisfaction
of a self-approving conscience.

[Roars of laughter, during which the host called upon the speaker
to pass the bottle, and the conversation concluded.

A CURIOUS CORRESPONDENCE.

(Non- Official.)

My Deae Loed B-d, Tuesday,

I am delighted to see that you have received the reward
you so richly deserve. But there is still a George to let.

Yours sincerely, S-y.

My Deae S-y, Wednesday.

A thousand thanks for your congratulations. Yes, I think
perhaps that I have earned it at last. You may remember that I
refused it a little while ago. I had scarcely noticed that there was
still one vacant. As you say there is, of course there must be.

Yours sincerely, B-r>.

My Deae Loed B-d. Thursday.

I am surprised that the vacant Garter has not been given
to the other person who has so richly earned it.

Yours faithfully, S-y.

My Deae Loed S — y. Friday.
Anothee person has earned the vacant Garter ? You surely
do not mean Lord Deeby ? I admit he has certain claims upon his
party, but yet-.

Yours, faithfully, B-d.

My Loed, , Saturday.
I do not mean Lord Deeby. I mean myself. If you have
got a Garter for the Congress, I ought to have one. Please see to
this at once, or I too can take the Public into confidence—verbum
sat. Yours, &c, g---Y_

Deae S. Saturday Afternoon.

Capital ! I was only joking. I am going down to Windsor
on Monday. You shall have the Garter at once. It was through a
mistake that you did not receive yours when I got mine. The an-
nouncement will appear in to-morrow's Times. Till then, believe me,

Yours affectionately,

B——d.

Punoh's Notes on his own Archdeacon's.

(See li Notea of my Life," by Archdeacon Denison.)

Most optimist of pessimists, John-Bullest of John Bulls,
Thou archest of Arch-deacons, and most dear of Hign-Onurcn
Denisons, , , , , , „ „

Punch his crown, the "cap and bells," to thy shovel-hat o-tt-puUs,
And bids thy book, John Anthony, the heartiest of bemsons.

Hammer and Pen.

Chaeles MAETELwas christened " Malleus Barbarorum"_ after
his defeat of the Saracens at Tours. After him we had a 31alleiis
Maleficorum," and more than one "Malleus Hcereticorum. bo
there is no lack of precedent for dubbing Sir Louis Mallet—who
stood alone on the Copyright Commission in denying property in
ideas, and sent in a report advocating the abolition of Copyright
altogether—Malleus Auctorum.

one head to two legs.

"The second vacant Garter has been conferred on Lord Salis-
buky." Two legs are now provided for.

Feom a Beithee Scot—The Itchiman Pass—the Brigg o' Perth.

To CoBBBSPOHDBNTS.—Tht Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unUss accompanied by a

stamped and directed envelope. Copies should lie kept.