Punch: Punch (75.1878)

August 24, 1878.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

75

"the unkindest cut of all."

The, Major. " Would you Advise me to have these few Hairs in Front cut off ? "

Haircutter. " U—m-Well, Sir—I should 'esitate before I sacrificed my honly Hornament ! ! "

Monday, August 12. — St. Grouse's Day, and Parliament still
sitting! No wonder the birds are buoyant under their brief respite
from the Parliamentary great guns. Alas, "Peine,"—like "P&mr"
—"differee 7i,est pas perdue" as the poor grouse will find next
week.

{Lords.)— Lord Truro on the Police Force. A quelque chose
malheur est bon. Frequent burglaries on his mansion at Biackheath
have given Lord Truro an intelligent interest in the Force that so
lamentably fails him. He now comes forward as the friendly critic
of the Bobby, and as the " Parent, Guide, Philosopher and Friend "
of the Commission which is about to sit on him. He suggests inter
alia that Model Lodgings should, be provided for the Police, when
Metropolitan street improvements are a-making. At present our
view of the Bobby at home is chiefly in the character of warming-pan
of the " House to Let," or locum tenens for the family oat of town.
It would be much if the public could see the Force as the model
Lodgers of Model Lodging-Houses, A-l's in their interiors, and never
on the beat at home, as but too many males of the married masses
are apt to be.

The Duke of Richmond said the Commissioners should have the
benefit of Lord Truro's wise warnings and sagacious suggestions.

{Commons.)—" Have the Russians crossed the Oxus, on their way
to Merv, in dangerous proximity to our North- West Indian fron-
tier ? " asks Sir C. Dilke. " Has a Russian Resident been received
at Cabul ?" asks Mr. C. B. Denison. " Not knowing, cannot say,"
answers Mr. Bourke, for the Foreign Office. " But if they are up
to any little game on the Oxus, or rn Cabul, the Foreign Office has
its Eastern eye on them, and will, no doubt, in due time know all
about it." For the moment F. 0. knows nothing about anything, or
knowing, cannot say. Further questioned, through said Honourable
Mr. Bourke, F. 0. declares that it has not heard that the Porte has
refused, or means to refuse; Greece any rectification of frontier, for
all the recommendations of Congress. Sir Charles means to go on
asking questions, till he arrives at more satisfactory answers.

Mr. Gourley, thus encouraged, has also taken to ask questions,
about the departure of the British Fleet from Turkish waters.
" Britannia will withdraw her chickens," says the Chancellor of

the Exchequer, "when Russia calls off her bears"—which he
hopes—and so do the Turks, and so does Mr. Punch—will be soon.
As yet Chickens and Bears confront each other.

Mr. Forster procured the House the painful pleasure of hearing
the history of a little Bill, birth-strangled between Lords and Com-
mons. The tragic tale is beyond the grasp of prose—Facit indignatio
versa in.

The Tragedy of the Poor Laav Amendment Act (1876)
Amendment Bill.

Twice the Lords, too proud to bend
Their Amendments to amend,
In the Commons' face, fulL smack,
Their Amendments flung them back ;
Till, as Lords and Commons crost,
Mellor's Bill, betwixt them tost.
Caught in Lords and Commons strife,
Yielded up its little life.
New life for it none may see—
Dead it is, and dead must be ! "

Mr. C. Lewis.
" Mellor had a little Bill;
If not dead, 'tis living still.
Where is Mellor's little Bill?"

Chancellor of the Exchequer.

" Twice the House has talked its fill
Over Mellor's little Bill.
Twice the Lords that Bill amended ;
Twice the Commons-House, offended
Lords should so their work undo,
In their face the Amendments threw

Intermediate Irish Education Commissioners named. A happy
family—three Catholics, three Episcopalians, and one Presbyterian.
(" They don't want to fight, but, by Jingo, if they do ! ")

Mr. C. Lewis for the boys of Londonderry, Mr. Newdegate for
the High and Dry Protestants of Warwickshire, Mr. Courtney for
the Doctrinaires of Devon, rum obstantibus, the Bill passed
triumphantly through Committee—the one "rapid Act" of the
Session, and that an Irish Act!—amid an unprecedented chorus of
discordant voices for once harmonious. Well may the poet say,

" The sweetest music is from discord bred."

The Bill is to secure payment by results. If its result be to show
us for once Roman Catholics and English Protestants working
together in harmony for the promotion of better Education—in the
schools of both—who shall say that any payment can be too high
for such a result, though it took two millions instead of one of the