Punch: Punch (75.1878)

August 24, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 77

" The Government don't mean to find, nor yet to make, occasions

To re-establish with the Pope diplomatic—or other— relations;

The Turkish troops still hold Batoum, which F. 0. much amazes,

But England has no intention of taking in the Lazes.

Sir Austin Layard will do his best—Herculean operation !—

To induce the Grand Vizier to take Crete into consideration.

There has been a good deal of fever among the Cyprus garrison,

But, on the whole, it has been drawn mild, and is now " en proces de guerison.

ANOTHER NAVAL REVIEW.

1

Sir Or. Bowyer shot a last shot at the Territorial Waters Jursidic- | . <siE^^. - Mariner^ "of the State of the

i

FTIhere was one Naval Review

on the twelfth ; there is
another before Punch at this
moment,; being a Review by
Henry , F. Watt, Master

tion Bill, but missed his mark; and the Bill was read a Third Time. '""^........■H|hmP^^.. Navy, 1878," printed and

Henceforth, when a foreigner violates our law within three miles of . ••''i-^ffiSlPpublished at Liverpool. Tin*

our shores he will be punishable for it, as he ought to be. _ s-^mg^Jmf;:.; If .. .. little book of I seventy-one

Lord C. I)i:i:i:sroKi) gave a full account of the operations for the *• -■ pages, with not an idle or

raising of the Eurydh-e, and the difficulties which had retarded ^^^^g^^f^m superfluous word in it, deals

them. The poor ship is out of the hole at last, and everybody's wish j r^B^MSmm^''' m exclusively with our un-

must be that her unfortunate captain and the Dockyard Authorities ' •-^ggg^BBafei:' jf§; armoured ships of 1000 tons

who have had to do with the sinking of her, first, and the raising of
her afterwards, should be in the same position as the ship.

So let bell be rung,

And De Jtfortuis sung!

The persistent Courtney had a last pitch into the dealings of the
South African Government with the Transvaal. Punch can only sing,

" Annexation is vexation,
Division is as bad—
Shepstone (Sir T.) he bothers me,
And the Boors they drive me mad."

Never was a harder beech-nut for the industrious Secretary for
the Colonies to crack. " Of two evils choose tbe least" is a good
ride. The difficulty in this case is to say, between annexation
and independence, wbich evil is the least, they are both such
whoppers ?

Friday.—Parliament Prorogued by Royal Commission. Commons
whipped into Lords' House by Black Rod to hear Queen's Message:—

My Lords and Commons,

Far off seems the day
"When, wishing peace, we met to face affray.
To calm the twitters bred of War's alarms,
We gladly threw ourselves in India's arms ;
But as they 're happily not wanted, home
We 've packed them, post-haste, o'er the Bed Sea foam.
May the Monsoon and heat no cholera bring,
And then " All's well that ends well !" we may sing.

The Powers for Congress at Berlin have met;
High hands have there to protocols been set,
Whence, let us hope, the flower of peace may bloom—
For which, just now, see Bosnia and Batoum.
Greek has met Turk, but not for tug of War—
The tug of Peace HeUas finds harder far.

I with the Turk have signed my own Convention,
Which, like a certain place we never mention,
Is paved, throughout, with the best good intention.
By it we 're bound to guard the Asian border,
Within which he binds himself'to keep order.
These obligations both alike accept—
We must ask Time to show how they've been kept.
Meanwhile, to mark the end of Europe's quarrels,
A Cyprus wreath we've twined for lack of laurels.
" Pax cum honor-e" at Berlin, we've won ;
And " Tax cum onere " has now begun.

Gentlemen of the Commons,

Thanks all round;
We've asked for money: money you have found.

My Lords and Gentlemen,

Too well one knows
Queen's Speech "propose," but Parliament " dispose."
Of English Bills passed into Acts the amount
Upon one hand's four fingers you can count.
There's one for Factory Law's consolidating :
One that provides for Eoad-repair and Bating :
One with what's left of Cattle Plagues' big Bill:
And one to make four Bishops, if you will—
But by quite voluntary contribution—
The thing to save the Church from dissolution !

Of the three Acts for Ireland—favoured nation—
One—that for Intermediate Education—
Passed, wondrous to relate, with no opposing :
N ot so the one for Sunday-shebeen closing.
That such Acts should pass is a thousand pities—
True, it leaves out the five chief Irish cities.
The third Act makes the Public Health its care ;
For that there's room in Ireland, and to spare.

For Scotland,—happy land of oatmeal-cakes,
Where no Home-Buler's clique disturbance makes,—
From tolls on bridge and road henceforth made free,
To good account she '11 turn each saved bawbee.
Her Education Acts, too, have been bettered,
Her schools and hospitals from clogs unfettered.

Now to home-pleasures, and home-duties fall—
So, good-bye ! Happy holidays to aU

and upwards. The Avriter
gives very clearly and calmly
stated reasons for his con-
clusion, that this portion of
the Navy is not what it
ought to be, and that a great
deal of the money spent upon
it is wasted. In proof of this,
he goes through the list of
our wooden ships built since
1867, comparing the strength
and speed, power, cost of
building, and repairs, and
actual performances of each,
with those of first-class
merchant vessels of the same tonnage. This comparison^ lands the
Admiralty and its Constructors awfully on the wrong side of the
balance-sheet.

Another section of the book devoted to the important question of
Naval Education, gives reason for the writer's conclusion that the
Admiralty is as much out in its building up of Queen's officers
as of Queen's ships.

Now, it is no doubt easy to find fault. But it is not easy to give
such fair and forcible reasons for your fault-finding as H. F. Watt
seems to Punch to have given in his Naval Review. And not to Punch
only. A Rear-Admiral of longer and more various sea-service than
any officer of his rank and standing, after reading Mr. Watt's
pamphlet, said in Punch''s hearing, He is right, as far as I can
make out, in every point, except in his over-insistance on lengthiness
as a quality in sea-going ships. That, I think, he pushes too far.
For the rest, I go along with him, from stem to stern."

This rather startling, but decidedly well-written and well-reasoned
brochure, Punch would earnestly recommend to his nautical readers
in general, and to Mr. T. Brassey in particular. Something ought
to come of it.

RITUALISTIC RUMOURS.

The triumph achieved by Mr. Mackonochie over Lord Penzance
and the Public Worship Act, has of course tended very nrach to
encourage Ritualist Clergymen to set the law at defiance. It is said
that the following steps are contemplated by them accordingly:—

To erect in every Church a Roodloft enriched with Images.

To adopt the use of Holy Water, and to provide every Church
with a receptacle for that fluid.

To set up a Confessional Box in all Churches and Chapels.

Habitually to wear all the vestments in use amongst the Romish
Clergy—especially tiaras exactly resembling the Triple Hat of the
Roman Pontiff, by way of sjunbol that not a man of them cares a
Benedicite for his Bishop, but that every one esteems himself his
own Pope.

Surplice and Surplus.

(C. Lewis and Newdegate loqimntur.)

The Irish Education BUI

Can you wonder we run down—
Irish Church Surplus when it turns

Into a Jesuit's gown ?

Between Advocates and Architects.

{High and Low.)

Serely it would be possible to conduct the controversy between
high-pitch and low-pitch roof at St. Alban's without getting into
such a high-pitch of temper and low-pitch of courtesy; in shorty
without such a flinging of pitchL>y the advocates of either style of
roof at those of the other.