Punch: Punch (75.1878)

August 31, 1878.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

93

leave criminal legislature alone. If he (Mr. Punch) took
the matter in hand—which it seemed likely he would
have to do—they might depend upon it that the results
would be in accordance with the carefully-balanced
claims of common sense and enlightened humanity, and
therefore profoundly unsatisfactory to the persons com-
posing the deputation, as egregious types of the classes
of phrasers, fanatics, criminals, and cynics.

The deputation then withdrew somewhat hurriedly,
Toby sharply cutting short a feeble attempt on their
part to formulate their thanks in the conventional way.

INTERNATIONAL ORDER.

" General Garibaldi has written to say that he sees nothing
in the least alarming in the German Socialistic movement, and
that he recommends, by way of protest against the recent action
at Berlin, the immediate holding of an ' Anti-Diplomatic Con-
gress' at Paris, under the Presidency of Vtctor Hugo."—
Morning Paper.

In the event of the above coming off, it is understood—
That, on assembling for the transaction of business,
the President will be expected to fight the Members of
the Standing Committee, one by one, for the possession
of the chair;

That the said Committee will be elected by revolver at
a general meeting of the entire Congress, at which one
black or white ball, well delivered, will be considered as
excluding;

That everybody who does not insult the Chair on rising,
will be regarded as " out of order," and immediately
thrown out of window.

That as a protest against the " diplomatic " proceed-
ings of a recent assembly, all the debates shall be con-
ducted in a tongue that the whole body of Delegates can
understand;

That no resolution shall be regarded as worth anything
that is not carried at the point of the bayonet;

That on the motion being put that, '' The Chair do
leave the Speaker," it be suddenly, but adroitly, drawn
from under him, any appeal on the matter being settled
forthwith by a decisive show of clenched hands ; and

That, after the American fashion, all decisions of the
Congress be " tabled " by a general division of that article
of furniture on the floor of the House. Such Members as
are able to secure the legs, being expected, in the absence
of such officers, to deliver effective "tellers " all round !

INS AND OUTS.

Irish Innkeeper (lo "Boots," ttc). " H'Where's Biddee ? Out, is she ? Bad
Luck to the Hussy ! She'll go out Twinty Toimes for Wonce she'll
come in !"

THE SPHINX AND THE OBELISK.

"Lord Beaconsfield lately paid a visit to Cleopatra's Needle."—Neivs-
paper Announcement.

Lord B. (soliloquising). "Westward the course of empire takes
its way."

So Berkeley sang, right, doubtless, in his day.

But now ? Well history has its ebbs and flows ;

The East may take its turn again, who knows ?

Land of the Rising Sun, my fancy still

Yearns to thee, and if Time to patient Will

Lent lengthier tether, I might prove, perchance,

Tancred not all a dream of mad romance.

This obelisk, fore-doomed to know no rest,

Comes as a tribute paid by East to West,

While I, the Orient's incarnate soul,

Win J. B.'s worship—many-headed mole !—

Dull accident on Occident more dull,

The Juggler's plaything, and the Sphinx's gull.

Memorial of Moses, On-carved stone,

But that I stand, and still must stand, alone,

LTnseconded, unfollowed, I might make

Thine advent here an augury to shake

The stolid West's fat self-sufficient fool

Out of his dreams of sempiternal rule,

And guardian silver streak—Ha! who is this ?

Enter Shades of Antony and Cleopatra.

Antony. The fool who bartered empire for a kiss,
Cleopatra. And she, the greater fool, who stooped to give

That kiss to such an ingrate.
Lord B. As I live,—

Though to offend such shades I should be loth,—■

It seems to me you might have compassed both—■

Empire and kiss—with management.
Antony. Ah, there

I own you beat me. You can greatly dare
Yet keep cool head.

Cleopatra. To sway and manage men,

Is your prime skill.

Lord B. 'Twas Cleopatra's, when

Her living eyes looked out on life, and I
Yield her the subtlest form of flattery,
In imitation.

Cleopatra. With one man I failed,

But your superior glamour hath prevailed
With the long stubborn Briton, stolid elf,
Dull and cold-blooded as the Cesar's self.
He's at your feet at last.

Lord B. (dubiously). Well, yes,—but still

I find my Caesars too, whose rigid will
Bows not before the idol of the day—
Confound them! Creatures whom I cannot sway-
Pachyderms proof to pose, and epigram,
Who hold me still a great successful sham,
And whilst the astonished herd are all at gaze
Stand coldly by, and praise not, but appraise.

Cleopatra. How well I know the feeling!

Antony. But you '11 own

Your Caasar cannot push you from your throne.

Cleopatra. No ! " All for power ! " or " The world well won! "
Should be your epigraph. To Cypria's son,
The other world-god, you've refused to bow.

Lord B. Great Queen, there are no Cleopatras now,
Or I, perchance, had been an Antony.

Cleopatra {triumphantly). There, Mark!

Antony (moodily). 0 vastly flattering ! Yet, by Thoth,
He said, but now, a man might win them both—
Power and Love.

Lord B. Ay, if, as in your case,

There lived a love worth winning.

Cleopatra. Turned with grace!

Ah me! "W ould I were but on earth again!