Punch: Punch (75.1878)

THE FORCE OF EXAMPLE.

{This is the second time that Madge has pricked her finger—the first time it lied so much that Mamma felt quite faint, and had to drink a

glass of Sherry ;—now it's Jack's turn.)

Mamma. "Well, what's the matter with you, Jack?"

Jack. "Oil ! I feel rather FALXT, that's all. Is THERE SUCH A THIXQ as A BUN IiV THE hotjss ? "

"THERE AND (NOT) BACK!"

Death sits in his ticket-box, issuing forth

For the east, and the west, and the south, and the north,

His holiday billets. His task as he plies,

The Spectre looks gay, and with reason ;
For Time, his old friend, who so faithfully tries
To lill the Anatomy's maw as he flies,

Has brought back the Holiday Season !

The Holiday Season! A very grim jest.

Which Death may well mouth with ineffable zest,

As he reckons the harvest it brings him.
But the holiday-maker ? Perhaps he is one
Who may well be excused for not seeing the fun,
E'en although, for the time, he has luckily run

The cordon of danger that rings him. -
For hearts must beat low at the hideous tale
Of multiplied slaughter by river and rail,
And steadiest nerves at the prospect may fail

The annual risk of renewing,
If, spite of all science, and labour, and care,
He who fronts pleasure's fast-growing perils must dare
Such horrible, swift, multitudinous wreck,
As comes when the Demon of War, without check,

lied fields with his victims is strewing.
" Weak sentiment! " smiles the calm Cynic, and airs
The time-honoured saw about Accidents.* Well,
Men who sit safe at home, with an eye to their shares,
May philosophise thus ; but the mind which will dwell
On the pangs of that awful ten minutes of terror,
And the wide-spreading woe it were hard to o'erstate,
May inquire if the judgment may not be in error,

Which sets it all down to indifferent Fate.

* " Accidents will happen in the best regulated families."

Glib talk of per-centage, and average may tire,
When Grim Death's the assessor, and lives are his hire
Has Greed never brand in the game, which enhances
The " average " due to the " doctrine of chances " ?
Has callous Incaution, which heeds not, nor recks,
No need of stern urgings, and strenuous checks,
Which Public Opinion, plus Law, may administer]?
May means not be tried, and not wholly in vain,
To lessen the sum of the annual gain,

Of that spectre so gloating and sinister ?
Lucre-lust, and impatience of trouble and care _
Are her caterers twain, and the mischievous pair
Must be countered by Caution and lleason ;
And then it may prove that, in spite of the saw,
And of high-sounding talk about Chance and its law,
Death need not be regarded with panic-struck awe,

Fated Lord of the Holiday Season!

Expert and Tyro.

Old Novelist (he) to Young Ditto (she). Well, my dear, how does
your book get on ?

Young Novelist. Nearly finished my second volume.

Old Novelist. Ah ! then you have married your hero and heroine
each to the wrong person, and are looking out for new, easy, and
natural ways of killing off your obstructives.

Young Novelist (overivhelmed with astonishment). Oh, my dear
Mr. Oldbird, how could you possibly know ? „

Old Novelist (with calm smile of ripe experience. Know, my
dear ? Why, it is the regulation pattern. Booksellers will not
publish anything else.

The Real " Bees' Sell."—Taking the honey.