Punch: Punch (75.1878)

H2 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI [September 28, 1878.

BUSINESS IS BUSINESS.

Hector's Wife. " Oh, Mr. Dosset, we have not seen tour Assistant, who has such a very nice Tenor Voice, in the
Choir lately."

Country Grocer. " No, Ma'am ; I've parted with him owing to the Rector and other Gentlemen getting their Supplies
from the Stores in London ! "

want to furnish, and so they took them all away again. About this
time the inebriated Turkish Uncle, who had been looking: daggers at
everybody and everything, specially the coal-scuttles (he must have
been very drunk), suddenly retired, either to take some more drink
privately, or to recover from his past excess.

Well—that's the story, so far. It isn't very interesting, is it ?

After this there appeared a Sea Nymph, and she and the Spanish
Princess both fell m love with the man in blue. Then everyone
broke into a dance of joy and cymbals, all, that is, except the tall
Turkish Guards, who stood gloomily at the wings, their heads
wrapped up as though suffering from severe face-aches and mumps,
probably caught from standing night after night in the violent
draughts of the Palace "wings."

Then the Sea Nymph showed her sea legs, and as the scene
changed, I looked at my watch, and finding it was 11*30, and the
story no further advanced, I said, Farewell unhappy Princess !
Addio, Sea Nymph ! Good-bye, Man in Blue and Drunken Uncle, I
am off to get a cool American lemon squash, and a full-flavoured
Havannah, and thanking you much, M. Jacobi, for the capital
dance music, I am, Ladies and Gentlemen,

Yery truly,

Your Representative.

P.S.—"A New York audience yawned through the play of
Olivia," writes a correspondent in America to the Era. The fact is
in this instance, "the play's" not " the thing." The rehearsals
and stage management, and the capital cast, made it what it was at
the Court Theatre. If the "getting-up" on the American stage is
not equal to that at the Court, the getting up in front of the house—
and going out—will more than balance it.

To be seen—Mr. _ Byron's new piece, Conscience Money. His last
was A Fool and his Money. Still sticking to the Money—so they 're
not so soon parted—but now conscientiously. On the very best
authority (except my own) I hear it is a success. Crede Byron. A
rule for Critics should be, " Don't judge by First Appearances." Of
the popularity of sterling melodrama, you can judge by visiting The

Two Orphans (Messrs. D'Ennery and Cormon) at the Olympic,
and of the same Two Authors' success you will have at the Adelphi
a most convincing Proof.

This is the last week of Messrs. Gatti's Concerts at Covent
Garden. More's the pity. The other night a young Composer, as
gifted as amiable (I dined with him), took me to hear Mr. Arthur
Sullivan's Orchestra perform Mr. Walter Austin's Fire King
Overture, first time in London; and after that we heard, with
delight, Miss Cummings' rendering of The Lost Chord, music by
A. Sullivan, M.D., or rather by The Sullivan, M.D. On this
occasion the .Lost Chord was Ong-chord. After this jeu de mot,
I bowed my acknowledgments from my Private Box, and withdrew.

Was it really?

We object to hearing a Lady's name shouted out at the top of a
guard's voice, or at the top of a guard's-van for the matter of that,
as is daily done at Heme Hill Station, L. C. & D. line, when the
guard and the porters sing out stentorianly, " Victoria Forivard !
Who is Victoria Forward ? There was a Lady came over here,
some time since, Victoria something — American she was — who
lectured, rather warmly, on Woman's Bights. Was she Victoria
Forward ? But anyhow, why shout out her name at Heme Hill r

a brand new one.

Now then, where will you find the true "poetry of motion ?
Give it up ? Why, in your lawn Tennyson, of course !
N.B.—This joke may be tried with effect on the One Man now left

in Rotten Row.

The Modern 1?oa of Whistles [early edition.)—& railway
junction at three o'clock in the morning.