Punch: Punch (75.1878)

November 16, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 227

A FAIR INDUCEMENT.

Eminent Coach {to Favourite Pupil). "Now look here, Adams ; if you will only work
hard with me for slx months, i promise you three years complete holiday at
Oxford ! "_________

the few swells of the present "Toothpick and Crutch" school, who strolled in, about ten,
for a lounge, was most amusing to behold.

The absence of the popping of soda-water bottles, and of the jingling accompaniment
of anything but musical glasses, was a great boon. I heard only two pops the whole
evening; and as this was not one of the " Monday Pops," it was a custom more honoured
in the breach than the observance — for imagine Mr. Sims Reeves being interrupted in the
middle of his great " Bay of Biscay, O!" song, when everyone is literally hanging on his
Hps, by the sudden pop of some buoyant cork!

There was another capital selection for the Orchestra in Suppe's " Poet and Peasant
Overture"—& title that reminds me of a certain Cartoon, in this periodical, where Lord
Beaconsfield is envying the lot of the happy Woodcutter—the People's William—in his
rural retirement.

Then the next feature of the Festival was Madame Lemmens-Sherrington's "By the
Margin of fair Zurich's Waters; " and then—expectation was a-tiptoe, and a psrceptible
thrill ran through the audience, as the gallant young English Tenor—the jolly Tar in all
but the costume—came aboard, and piped all hands to listen to his " Bay of Biscay, O ! "

Everyone who knows anything at all of the Tar-Tenor, knows how he, and he alone,
can sing this, so to speak, plain-sailing song. From first to last, artistic au bout des
ongles. I defy anyone—except he absolutely detest the sea and the slightest motion of the
smallest boat—not to go with the singer through that fearful night of shipwreck, and be
scarcely able to resist joining in the "three cheers" with which the vocalist greets the
opportune arrival of a Sail! a Sail! !

All I want to know, without being hypercritical, is, who is supposed to sing this song;
a professional sailor or an ordinary passenger ? If an Old Salt—then Mr. Sims Bjeeves's
reading is faultless, but the ballad itself is not what a tar would have written. If the
narrator is an inexperienced passenger, then the ballad is faultless, and Mr. Sims Reeves is
wrong in his interpretation.

I have not time to go thoroughly into this nice question, which I recommend to the study
of the singer and the public ; only a suggestion arises out of this, and that is, let Mr. Sims
Reeves first sing it as the tar, and when encored, as encored he cannot fail to be, let him give
a new reading of it as a passenger who suffers from sea-sickness. This will touch heart-
home the majority of his audience. Indeed a new edition, or encore edition, might be written
on these lines:—

Loud roared the dreadful thunder,
The rain a deluge show'rs;

We felt we 'd made a blunder
To take our boat two hours.

"We made but one remark—
" Oh, this is not a lark! "
For the day we must pay
In the Bay of Biscay 0 !

And a very little humouring on the part of the singer would express exactly the impecunious
state of the parties, who had just got the money for a two hours' sail, but hadn't enough to
satisfy the boatman for a whole day out; thus—

For the day we can't pay,
Let *8 in the Bay of Biscay owe !
And this I present, with my compliments, to Mr. Sims Reeves, when next he sings this
song—when may I be there to hear—and to Mr. Samuel Hayes for another Festival.

But I hope to hear more of our gallant
young English Tenor, before long, in Tom
Tug, and also as Captain Macheath in the
Beggar's Opera. It used to be "Bravo,
Hicks ! " That is past and gone. Let us
substitute " Bravo, Hayes ! " if he is going
to give us that treat.

Mr. Chatterton is showing us what can
be done with Shakspeare at Prury Lane,
and Mr. Dillon and Mts. Vezin have any-
thing but an idle time of it just now.

Poor dear old Pflelps ! the last of the Old
School has gone, and with him Sir Pertinax
Macsycophant.

A word, by the way, for the dear old
Polytechnic—" clarum et venerabilenomen"
—though it wasn't by any means a case of no
men the night I visited it, but of a good
many men, and still more women and chil-
dren. They are having great doings there
just now.

First, they give you " Food, and its Pre-
paration," by Pepper —the right condi-
ment in the right place—and then you are
introduced to Cabul and the Afghans,"
by Mr. T. L. King—" Scenery, People,
Manners, and Customs"—for our guidance
in these anxious times, when every day
brings its letters in each other's teeth, for
and against going in at the Ameer.

And then the visitor is pitilessly taken all
about the Paris Exhibition—twenty miles of
it, at least—by judicious short cuts, and then
trotted off to China—and then into fairy-
land, to be introduced to the " Cinderella of
1878," who is called—I can't conceive why—■
Zitella, through a series of tableaux, on the
disc and on the stage, with musical and pic-
torial accompaniments written by a gentle-
man of the excruciatingly funny name of
Tifkins Thudd ! If the patter could be cut
a little shorter it would be so much the
sweeter. And all this besides the old stand-
ing attractions, the Diving-Bell, and the
Machinery, and the Cosmorama, and the
Electric Cascade, and all the Arts and
Sciences know what besides. It is the
fullest bill in London.

Mr. Clarke with The Rivals is doing
capitally at the Haymarket, and I hope he
will go on with the Old Comedies as long
as he can cast them as well as he has cast
this masterpiece of Sheridan's. What
a good play it is, barring always Falkland
and Julia, and what a model from begin-
ning to end. Yet I suppose modern Critics
would call the plot "slight"—if the play
were modern. But surely the plot of a
genuine Comedy should be "slight"—and
the greatest events from the most trifling
causes should spring—telle est la vie—and
Comedy is Life, or Life is Comedy, at least,
in the opinion of the laughing Philosopher
who signs himself

Your Representative.

Important Notice.

For the use of all Political Students of
Geography, we intend publishing a correct
Map of the World, when the present
Eastern and Western Questions are finally
settled to the satisfaction of everybody.
Orders, with subscriptions in advance, may
now be sent to our Office.

What the Ameer thinks might come
of admitting an English Envoy (as he
puts it in his broken English).—"Am'ere
to-day, might be gone to-morrow."

" For Perojval."— The Presidency of
Trinity College, Oxford. (With Mr
Punch's Apologies to the Editor of the
" Cornhilir)