Punch: Punch (75.1878)

December 14, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

275

RECENT IMPROVEMENTS IN SCIENCE.

The Chrysophone. All Musicians are awake that the timbre, or
quality of the voice, depends chiefly on the construction of the oral
and nasal cavities ; the nose and palate acting as sounding-boards, so
to speak, to the note originated in the larynx. a well-proportioned
chrysophone makes the most ordinary voice as far superior to grisl's or
Mario's as theirs were to the croaking of Frogs, and, by its means,
the tenth-rate suburban amateur, singing the last music-hall ballad,
can plunge the coldest and most cultivated audience into impassioned
ecstacies, and cause the tear to flow from the eye of even the pro-
fessional Critic.

kb.—The Chrysopiione can be so adapted to the Human Face as to

appear a natural prolongation of the nose and mouth, and so coloured
and decorated AS to BE the REVERSE of unsightly.

(ClIRYSOPHOXES MADE TO order for sophano, contralto, tenor, and

Bass. 85, Fleet Street, E.C.)

PUNCH v. PHCEBUS.

"Will the gentle "reader cast a contemplative eye upon the following
announcements ?

" The Last Days of November.—The Kegistrar-General reports that during the
last seven days of November the duration of registered bright sunshine in London was
four hours and six minutes."

" J ust Published. Punch's Pocket-Book for 1879."

Half an hour of sunshine daily is indeed a paltry pittance. But the medi-
tative mind may find food for sweet reflection in the next announcement
quoted. Just when the days are at their darkest, Punch produces his Pocket-
Book. More brilliant than the electric light, its pages illumine the gloom of
the season, and intellectually dazzles the mental eye. " 0 fortunatos nimium!"1^
0 too happy Britons! who, when Phoebus fails to shine, may rely for their en-
lightenment on their never-failing Punch ! £

IN THE MAJOR KEY.

Mr. Punch has been requested to publish the fol-
lowing correspondence. He prints it for what it is
worth, without vouching for its authenticity:—

House of Commons, 5th December.
Mr. Punch, Sorr,

I would have you know, Sorr, that the follow-
ing epistles are a true copy of letters I have received.
If I do not see them in your next number, I will be after
annihilating you. So be careful.

Yours, defiantly,

The Major.
P.S. Will you tread upon the tail of my coat ?

I.

Professor Ruskin presents his compliments to Major
0'Gorman, and begs to inform him that he (the Pro-
fessor) has never accused him (the Major) of "having
flung a bottle of whiskey in the face of the British
Public." Major O'Gorman has been misinformed.

II.

Lord Beaconseield presents his compliments to Major
0'Gorman, and can find no resemblance between the
career of the Major, and the adventures of the purely
imaginary hero of Lothaire. However, Lord Beacons-
field has requested some of the Gentlemen who are
kind enough to assist him in the management of public
affairs, to read the Novel, with a view to the discovery of
the likeness to which exception has been taken. Should
Major 0'Gorman have cause of complaint, Lord Bea-
consfield will have much pleasure in tendering him his
apologies.

in.

Mr. Gladstone begs to inform Major O'Gorman in
reply to his note, that although he (Mr. Gladstone) has
spoken and written about some millions of subjects, how
many millions he will not charge himself with the re-
sponsibility of defining, he has never to his knowledge
made any allusion in writing, or by word of mouth, to
Major O'Gorman.

iv.

The Emperor of Russia has never treated Major
O'Gorman with intentional discourtesy. Should the
Major have any doubt upon the subject, the Emperor
will be glad to see him. The Major, on crossing the
frontier, will be kind enough to give bis name, and ask
for the train to Siberia.

v.

The Sultan of Turkey begs to assure Major O'Gor-
man of his friendship. The Sultan would be glad to
borrow a hundred pounds, if Major O'Gorman knows
anybody having that sum to advance.

vi.

The Khedive of Egypt, so far from laughing at Major
O'Gorman, would be only too delighted to substitute the
Major for Mr. Rivers Wilson, if the latter gentleman
would only consent to go.

vii. (first letter.)

No. You have been humbugged by some wag. Who
are y°u ? (Signed) Von Bismarck,

(second letter.)

I can't. 1 have promisedjmy wife never to fight again.
Besides, it's unlucky.

{Signed) Von Bismarck,
(third letter.)
So gut! Shall be happy to meet you in a whiskey-
drinking bout. {Signed) Von Bismarck.

And so the correspondence ends.

Good News for Schools.

Our boys who are labouring at hexameters and penta-
meters need some encouragement in their dreary task.
They will, therefore, hail with delight, especially as
Christmas is approaching, the prospect of such a splendid
reward for their pains as is held out to them in the
announcement, by public advertisement, of "a first
Cheque-Book for Latin Verse Makers."