Punch: Punch (75.1878)

July 13, 1878.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

5

Thursday {Lords).—It has occurred to some bright light of the
Green Isle that if the new Irish Intermediate Education Scheme is
to work such wondrous good for the sons of Erin, it should also,
in fairness, be made applicable to Erin's daughters. But this, Lord
Cairn's says, will involve some reconsideration of the rules of his
Bill, and some re-arrangement of the machinery. _ Why not ? We
are only beginning to acknowledge the truth that girls have as much
right as boys to be considered in questions of educational legislation,
and in the application of educational endowments. It is but fair
that the Irish lasses, charming as they are in their uneducated state,
should have all the benefit of this larger wisdom of our time, which
has ceased to exclude the better half of humanity from the right to a
seat at the School Board or a participation in its banquets.

{Commons.)—The Chancellor of the Exchequer does not see his
way to a Supplementary Budget till he sees his way to a Supple-
mentary Estimate. And this will depend on the upshot of the Berlin
Congress.

In the course of ten days or a fortnight he hopes the accounts
may be made up. So does Punchy and wishes the Government a
good deliveranee.

Colonel Stanley doesn't want to keep the Reserve men longer with
the colours than can be helped ; but can't say, just at present, when
they Avill be free to return to their families.

Before the Reserves are called out again, we hope some arrange-
ment will be made to keep their wives and children off the rates, or,
at least, out of the workhouse. They manage these things better in
France—not to say Germany.

Mr. Bourke, for the Foreign Office, fought shy of a question as to
the employment of writers at tenpence an hour on secret and confi-
dential documents.

Mr. Fawcett wants to give the Metropolitan Board of Works four
members on the Epping Forest Committee of Management, which is
to be made up of four selected verderers and twelve conservators to
be chosen by the Corporation. But the Corporation have secured
Epping Forest for the public, and it seems unfair to give the Board
of Works a voice in its management, when they declined to fight
for its acquisition by the public.

Sir J. Ltjbboce; tried to get Elementary Natural Science added—
as an extra—to the Three B,'s in the Education Code.

Mr. Forster thinks 'the addition may safely be made; but the
Collective Wisdom said no by 68 to 37. The majority thinks National
Education has gone fast enough and far enough already, and if it
had dared speak out, it would have echoed Mr. 1). Davies s warning
" of the growing feeling in some parts of the country against over-
education."

Mr. Monk talked about Crete, and the expediency of promoting its
annexation to the kingdom of Greece.

Mr. Bourke said it was impossible that anjr one Power could say
that any portion of the Turkish possessions should be annexed to a
foreign country. Of course if it came to a big country insisting on
such annexation, and other big countries could be got to back the
demand, Congress could do something. But really Greece was a
small Power; she could not make herself formidable to Europe ;
her hands were not quite clean, and there was every prospect that
if she got anything by concession of the Congress it would be
much less than she had bargained for. (At least, if Punch hasn't
exactly said "ditto to Mr. Bourke," he has given his own reading
between the lines of Mr. Bourke's speech as reported.)

The Education Estimates were, on Mr. Forster's protest against
proceeding with them close on midnight, adjourned.

Friday {Lords).—Talk about two subjects, on both of which there
is room for improvement—Irish crime, and Irish public health. We
are going to consolidate the law on the latter. Perhaps that may
be preliminary to putting it in force.

{Commons.)—The enfant terrible of the House, the bold, bald
Member for Bonny Dundee, brought out the hot-poker of Ritualism in
the English Church—falaely so called. Nobody could deny the poker,
or the force with which it was flourished in the face of the House
by Jinks's irrepressible Baby. But the Batavian humour and
Ecclesiological enthusiasm of Mr. A. B. Hope, the mild wisdom of
the Right Hon. H. S. Walpole, the official oil of euphemistic Sir
Stafford Northcote, and even the prize Protestantism of Mr.
Newdegate, united to deprecate any premature thrusting of the
poker before John Bull's eyes, or flourishing it alarmingly near his
calves. Nobody could say who might not burn his fingers. So the
Honourable Member for Dundee, satisfied with the agitation he had
aroused, and the deprecations he had provoked, withdrew his hot-
poker—for the present.

"IMPAR CONGRESSUS ACHILLI."

A1

ll sorts of Con-
gresses Paris-
ward drift—
Congress for Copy-
right, Congress
for Thrift; (
Congress'^ 'for
Chess; Congress
for Demogra-
phy;
Congress for Phy-
sics ; Congress
for Photogra-
phy ;

Congress for Inter-metallic Ex-
changes ;
Congress for Cookery" through all

its ranges ;
Congress for Homoeopathic Prac-
titioners,
Blind Institutions, and Sewage

Commissioners;
A Congress for every specialist set
That a pretext or plea for a Con-
gress can get;
Congresses trotting out all sorts of
hobbies

In all sorts of halls, hotels, lecture-rooms, lobbies,
For all sorts of crotchets and all sorts of crazes,
Solving all sorts of problems with aU sorts of phrases;
From Congress most cautious to Congress the boldest,
From the newest of subjects to objects the oldest—
Congress—still Congress—wherever we turn;
Be't a Congress to teach, or a Congress to Team.
What? " Lmpar Congressus Achilli?" The song
Of the Mantuan poet is certainly wrong.
If there's one thing that Congress is equal to, please
Proclaim it, 0 Punch, that one thing's a kill-ease ;
A lull-leisure, kill-pleasure, kill-time, and kill-joy,
On thy heights, Trocadero, as erst around Troy!

The Place in Hot Weather.—Lazistan.

SHOES OR NO SHOES ?

Mr. Ransom declares that horse-shoes are not only useless but
mischievous, and quotes a South American experience extending over
many years, and ail sorts of ground, hard and. soft, mud and stones.
His experience does not seem to have included artificial hard stone
pavements and hard made roads, such as those our horses have
to travel. It is true that human soles can be made, by long use,
as impervioiis as sole-leather, and so, much more, might horses' hoofs
be hardened to iron. But you must begin at the beginning, and
never let your colt wear a shoe from the day it is foaled.

The argument against shoes is very much like that against clothes
altogether. We don't dress our horses, it may be said, so why
should we shoe 'em ?

Probably the chance of our seeing the last of horse-shoes is about
as great as that we shall see men and women going naked and bare-
foot. We should fancy that at least as many human feet are spoiled
by bad shoeing as equine. Altogether Punch can't bring himself to
feel that horse-shoes are a cruelty like bearing-reins. They have,
at least, something to stand on.

A Voice From the Lions' Heads.

To Mr. Punch, Sir,—

Are we always to be only ornamental ? Again I see the
voice of common sense and:common hiunanity is raised in the papers
in recommendation of that simple often-urged precaution against
drowning off the Embankment, to hang a chain in our mouths.
Why not ? We are willing. It is the only chain the British Lion
can carry without blushing. Please move the London Board of Works,
and oblige yours truly,

The Lions' Heads of the Embankment.

Our Failures.

Australia beats England at the wickets;

Captain Bogardus outshoots Cholmondeley Pennell ;
A Yankee Crew we've seen at Henley lick its

Competing Fours. Old England's growing senile ! *
* Please humour the pronunciation to the rhyme.

A Change for the Better.—Discussing the Code Stephen,
instead of the Treaty of San Stefano.