Punch: Punch (75.1878)

120

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[September 14, 1878.

DRACONIAN.

Scene—Police Court, North Highlands.
Accused. "Put, Pailie, it's ha provit !"

Bailie. " Hoot toots, Tonal, and hear me speak ! Aw'll only Fine ye
ha'f-a-Croon the Day, because et's no varra well provit. But if ever

ye come before me again, ye 'll no get aff undef, FlVE ShILLIN's, whether
et's provit or no ! ! "

HARD WORK IjV THE WORKHOUSE.

Our friend, Mr. Bumble, has been greatly scandalised by the" perusal, in
a daily paper, of " A Magistrate's Experience of Stone-breaking," as related
by his Worship himself, Mr. Albert Simpson, of Elnihurst, near Garstang, in a
letter to the Garstang Board of Guardians. Mr. Simpson had occasionally had,
as a duty, to send vagrants to prison for refusing to complete their task of
stone-breaking in the vagrant cells at the Grarstang "Workhouse; but, as many
of them declared they were unable, he, feeling now and then not quite satisfied
that justice was done them, determined to "put the matter to the test by
breaking a ' task' of stones "_ himself—a proceeding which Mr. Bumble deplores
as " werry doggeratory and in for a dig."

Having, however, formed the resolution to do what seems so derogatory
to our Beadle, Mr. Simpson heroically did it, as he thus describes :—

" Accordingly I went into a cell, and, without asking any instructions, proceeded to
break the stones. I found fully three-fourths of the stones such as any man in moderate
health, and unskilled in stone-breaking, could manage, but the remainder were quite
beyond the power of an unpractised hand. It took me over five hours of incessant labour
to complete the lot, of which time nearly one-half was consumed in breaking six stones,
which defied for a long time my utmost strength, although 1 am not unskilled iu the use of
the hammer. The fact was, that I did not understand the grain of particular stones,
which a practised hand would have split easily ; and I have no doubt that, through igno-
rance of the work, I exercised sufficient strength to have broken four times the quantity I
did. I completed the task thoroughly exhausted, and with my hands raw and in many
places bleeding."

"For a Swell to demean his self like that," says Mr. Bumble, "may be
all werry well for a Immature Casual a-goin to write a article about it in a
newspaper, 'cause bisnis is bisnis ; but a Magistrate got no bisnis to hinterfere
with the arraignments of Workus interiors, and witch I consider a most improper
wiolation of porochial economy."

Mr. Bumble deprecates any attention on the part of "porochial" authorities
to any such " speechious " representations as these :—

" Of course my object was to do the work exactly as a casual
tramp would do who had never done it before, and I know now
where I wasted my labour; but I can assure you I can quite
understand why a weakly man, ignorant of stone-breaking, pre-
fers to go to gaol rather than to complete such a task. Now,
the result of the present system is that the casual vagrant who
is really in search of work has inflicted upon him what not only
amounts to positive punishment, but also more or less incapaci-
tates him for work ; whilst the habitual vagrant gets through
his task without difficulty, and the better man of the two gets
placed in the worst position, which is contrary to all justice."

"No sitch a thing," insists Mr. Bumble. "None on
'em better, and none wus than another, all alike, not a
pin to choose between none on 'em, all tramps and
wagrants and wagabones, the 'ole bilin, all ekally poor,
and all to be put together under the 'ed of wicious
pawpers."

Mr. Simpson proceeds to suggest:—

" 1. That a copy of instructions on stone-breaking be hung in
each cell, to be read to those vagrants who cannot read it for
themselves. 2. That either the extra hard stones are kept
out of the ' task' allotted to the casual vagrants, or that they
have the option of some other labour, such as oakum picking,
which must be made equally remunerative to the ratepayers."

The expense of furnishing "these despicable wag-
rants" with a copy of instructions on stone-breaking
in each of their cells, is strongly objected to by Mr.
Bumble. " Let 'em find it out," he says, " as they was
meant to, and don't put the beggars to no other labour
but what the ratepayers is sure to find remunerative a
good deal more than ekally." Viewing pauper task-work
as simply a ratepayer's question, Mr. Bumble, "with all
due difference to a AVurshipful Justis of the Peece,"
considers the concluding observation of Mr. Simpson's
letter the only sensible saying it contains:—

" It must be borne in mind that every one of these unfortunate
men sent to prison entails considerable extra expense on the
ratepayers."

"Yes," assents Mr. Bumble, "theexpense of the rate-
payers; that's the pint. Don't send the willanous
wagrants to jale by no means! Conipell 'em to break
stones, Aveather they can without urtin theirselves or no.
Let a able-bodied inmate stand over every one on 'em as
refuses with a good 'osswhip. Stone-breaking is the pro-
perest tax wot is or can be for them abandond outcursts.
They asks for bread, and they receives stones as well;
and if that isn't gorspel, I don't know who is."

Nevertheless, may there not be a_ degree of doubt in
some minds, if oakum-picking; considered as task-work,
is not hard labour, almost, if not quite, sufficiently
severe for the punishment of merely casual vagrancy, to
which the vagrant, honest and industrious, has been
reduced by altogether unmerited misfortune, like, for
example, a discharged lieserve Man out of employ ?

New Nursery Ehyme.

Bide the high-horse!

Cocky Hanbury's cross
To see an old Statesman select his own course.

He caUs him Arch-Traitor,

Chief friend of our foes,
And bullyrags Gladstone wherever he goes.

Fees and Fares.

" A Cabman " who reads his paper on the seat of his
box, suggests as to the question about " Fees and Phy-
sicians," that, as a Physician's fee is really a mere gra-
tuity, when a patient asks him how much he is indebted
to him, the Doctor might answer, "Leave it to you, Sir."
Cabby thinks it would succeed.

" Another Cabman " proposes that in case a Physician
is presented with an honorarium of one guinea only, he
should extend it to the donor in the palm of his hand,
with a stare of astonishment, and ask, " What is this ? "
And then if he got double fee, what fee coidd be fairer
than that ?

"What the Wild Waves are Saying."—" We
wish we could be quiet (this hot iveather)."

The Cutlers' Feast.—A Knife and Fork Tea.

&3~ T«J OoBBHSPOrrDlSTS.—The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a

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