Punch: Punch (75.1878)

December 21, 1878.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

285

PUTTING A LEGAL POINT ON IT.

Supposing the following letters to have "been received at the Punch Office
during' the past week, Punch feels he ought not to be restrained from publishing
them by any antediluvian considerations of respect for the Bench :—

i.

The Lord Chief Justice of England will feel much obliged if Mr. Punch will
inform the world and Lord Penzance that his Lordship in his impertinent attack
on the L. C. J. (contained in his late remarks on the judgment of the Queen's Bench
Division in the case of Martin v. Mackonochie), has proceeded on an entirely
erroneous view of the law, as well as a gross misrepresentation of the facts.

II.

Lord Penzance will thank Mr. Punch to inform the
Lord Chief Justice of England that he entertains the
profoundest contempt for his opinions on Law in general,
and Ecclesiastical Law in particular, about which, as a
Common Law Judge, he can know nothing.

in.

_ The Lord Chief Justice of England has only to add to
his previous communication that while he admits that
Lord Penzance, as a Common Law Judge, who has
undertaken the administration of a system of law of
which he can know nothing, should be a good authority
upon the question on which he presumes to pronounce in
his last communication, he is compelled to repeat that
his Lordship is wholly mistaken as to his law, and
scandalously inaccurate as to his facts.

rv.

Lord Penzance has only to express his utter con-
tempt for the Lord Chief Justice of England.

v.

The Lord Chief Justice can find no language in which
to express his admiration (P) for Lord Penzance.

vi.

Lord Penzance cares not the smallest coin of the
realm for the Lord Chief Justice of England.

th.

The Lord Chief Justice of England cares less than the
smallest coin of the realm for Lord Penzance.

vin.

Lord Penzance wishes to put on record his conviction
that the Lord Chief Justice of England is a Person !

ix.

The Lord Chief Justice of England is glad to put in
plain terms his conclusion that Lord Penzance is another!

[This correspondence must now cease.—Ed. Punch.']

EMENDS AT A DISTANCE.

Being a Brief Record of a few Winter-seasonable Visits to certain

Country Houses.

Visit the First.—Charter VI.

Fact —Fiction —Fvidence —■ Doubt —Assertion—Phantom Butler—
More Fvidence — Josslyn's Nervous Aunt — Comfort—Fear —
Mrs. Byrne condescends—The pallid Whistlerite—Darhei—■
The Sceptic converted— Wine—First Ghost Story— Unsatisfac-
tory— Cold Air—Digestion—An Awful Moment.

"Yes," repeats Jossltn, "that The Grange is haunted, is as
certain as that all the family have left the place."

Poor old Mrs. Ttjpton begins fanning herself, as if she could keep
away Ghosts_ like flies. Cool startles her by offering her jelly,
which, from its quivering, and its peculiarly pale colour, appears to
be as nervous as Mrs. Ttjpton is herself.

"It may be a fact," says Pelkin Wadd, ex-Master in Chancery,
" but who can vouch for it ? "

" Cotlet's people," answers Dyke, with conviction. " They've
told me all about it.''

Mrs. Aysford Synge remarks that for her part she doesn't believe
in Ghosts, but that The Grange has never been inhabited since
she was a girl; and, Miss Synge adds, that she never liked the look
of the place.

" It's a matter of evidence," observes the ex-Master in Chancery,
sententiously.

" Quite," replies Mr. Ayseord Synge, J.P. "But Cotley's gar-
dener and his wife came to me, and wanted to depose on oath to
what they'd seen and heard at The Grange."

This arrests everybody's attention.

Mrs. Tepton's jelly remains on her plate untouched, still qui-
vering^ She informs me, in a frightened whisper, behind her fan,
that " if you once get her nephew Josslyn on this topic, he's some-
thing dreadful. Why," she adds, with a shiver, "he knows all
about the Ghosts all over the county, and likes them. Ugh ! If they
go on talking like this, I'm sure I shan't get any sleep to-night! "

In the gloom by the side-board I think I can just make out Gool
smiling grimly.

" Who lives at The Grange now ? " asks Hoshford.

"A policeman and his wife," answers Aysford Synge. "Their
married son stays at Cotley's, and keeps up the garden. The
family have all left."

"They're rent free, of course," observes the ex-Master in Chan-
cery, with a cynical smile.

Everyone resents this imputation; and Mr. Aysford Synge in-
forms the ex-Master, with some asperity, that he knows the police-
man, and his wife, and his son—that a more honest set does not
exist; and Sandilands corroborates the prevalent notion about The
Grange being haunted, by asserting that, for his part, he (Sandi-
lands) wouldn't live there for a trifle. He adds, that, of course, he
doesn't believe in ghosts, yet he should object to a place with a
reputation for being haunted.

Everyone, except our host, chimes in with this sentiment. Every-
one, except our host, professes to consider a belief in ghosts absurd,
but, on the other hand, no one would, as a matter of choice, prefer
residing in a haunted house.

" Then," says Dyke, quietly, " there's not much chance of letting
this."

"Why ! " exclaims Mrs. Lawleigh Byrne, beginning to draw on
her long gloves, " surely The Mote's not haunted! "

"Didn't you know that?" returns Josslyn, quite astonished.
"Why, there's hardly a room in this old house without a legend.
And," adds Josslyn, with considerable pride, " I think Hoshford
and Sandilands will bear me out as to the White Lady of The Mote
being as well authenticated a Ghost as any in the county."

Hoshford and Sandilands nod acquiescence in this statement;
and Bendlesham of Pikley—the crusty old man—turning to Mrs.
Ttjpton, says,

" You 're stopping here, Ma'am, aren't you ? "

" Yes, I am," replies the poor old Lady, whose false front almost
slides off her forehead with nervousness—" yes, I am; but," she
goes on piteously, '' my nephew never said anything about it before.
I've only heard him speak of Ghosts in other houses—not here."

" Oh, you won't see it, Aunt," says Dyke, consolingly.

" I don't like to talk about such things," she says, making a move,
which the Ladies take as a hint, and we all rise.

" You are staying here, too, says Mrs. Lawleigh Byrne to me.
" I know I should be afraid of going about alone in this house. I
have heard that the servants never stop here long—but I didn't
know the reason. The Synges have an old haunted tower in their
grounds. I shall get her to tell me aU about it. I love ghost-
stories, when there s a good fire and lots of people."

This is the first time since our introduction that the " haughty
Beauty" has condescended to treat me on an equality with the
County people. The Ghost subject has done it. This is "the