Punch: Punch (89.1885)

July 4, 1885.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

London Railway Station.

RAILWAY PUZZLE.

A Regatta Morning. "Booking-Office open Five Minutes before the Train starts."
Puzzle.—How to Get tour Ticket and Catch the Train ?

SHERIFFS' DAY IN THE CITY.

Haying the honour of being a Liveryman of the "Worshipful Com-
pany of Joiners, I received a very pressing- Note from a Gentleman,
with a perfectly unintelligible signature, but which looked some-
thing like Kyrome Nixem, imploring me to be at a Common Hall on
Wednesday last, at two o'clock, to support a certain Gentleman for
what would be to me the somewhat uncomfortable office of Sheriff.
Not only Sheriff of London, too, but Sheriff of London and Middle-
sex, so as to make sure, 1 suppose, of having a certain duty to
perform, to which I will not further allude. My first difficulty was
to find the Common Hall, little expecting that such a term of con-
tempt could ever be applied to beautiful Guildhall, but so it was;
and I entered its sacred precincts through a little wicket, over which
the name of my Worshipful Company was inscribed. There I found
the Right Honourable the Lord Mayor seated in solemn state, with
all the City Magnates around him, all of whom carried beautiful
bouquets, which they occasionally smelt at, as if the atmosphere of
the Common Hall was rather too common for them.

The Election of the Sheriffs was passing off quietly enough, when
a sombre Liveryman of most melancholy appearance asked permission
to put a question to the Candidates, and put it accordingly, but as it
was very long and quite inaudible, it did not excite much enthu-
siasm. There were some half-dozen names put up, but everybody
voted for my unknown friend and for a very nice fresh-looking but
somewhat juvenile Alderman, and that business was soon over,
•p li n1 stePPe<i forth in most dainty fashion a Gentleman dressed in
tall Court suit, with about the most flowery waistcoat I think I ever
saw. I was told by a kindly neighbour that the Gentleman in ques-
tion was the Treasurer of all the countless millions of the great Cor-
poration of the City of London, and always wore that magnificent
waistcoat as symbolical of wealth beyond the dreams of avarice. He
was received with a most cordial greeting, and re-elected to his
responsible, but doubtless very comfortable, office, unanimously.
My friend told me that he saw him on the 8th of last November,
when he thought the Corporation wanted just a little hint about their
extravagance, walk up to the Lord Mayor and hand him an enor-
mous purse, but which was quite empty ; that the Lord Mayor took
the hint in the most good-tempered way, and communicated the fact

to the Court of Common Council, who have since been just a little
more economical.

Then followed a proceeding that I could not at all comprehend,
namely, the election of some half-a-dozen Ale-eonners. This pro-
ceeding seemed to provoke a large amount of curiosity as to the
probable duties of these mysterious individuals, more especially as
there was a contested election for the apparently coveted office. A
learned Pundit in my vicinity informed us that an Ale-conner was
one who inquired into the condition of the Ale sold in the City, and
was derived from the Anglo-Saxon word cunnian, to inquire into,
but a remarkably jovial-looking Liveryman expressed it as his
opinion that it meant a man who knew a good glass of Ale when he
tasted it. The question was naturally asked why, if the Liverymen
of London, in Common Hall assembled, were so very particular about
the quality of the Ale supplied to the thirsty Citizens of London,
they were not equally particular about the Porter and Stout, and.
why no Porter-conners or Stout-conners_ were appointed, to which
very natural question the learned Pundit replied that Porter and
Stout were comparatively modern inventions, following rapidly upon
the discovery of Spanish Licorice, while the antiquity of Ale and the
importance attached to its quality were distinctly proved by the line
from Shakspeare, "Blessings on her heart, for she brewed Good
Ale ! " This doubtful point being thus satisfactorily cleared up, we
all came away. J- Litgtje.

Memorable.

On June 2-1, when the House met at 5 p.m., Mr. "Winn alone
represented the new Ministry on the Treasury Bench. "With the
exception of a statement from Mr. Gladstone, and a notice from
Mr. Parneli,, Mr._ "Winn had the business all to himself. He
"moved " sixteen times, though always remaining in the same place;
and he " withdrew," once, without retiring. This is so remarkable,
that in Hansard and all Parliamentary annals or records we order
that Wednesday, June 24, of this year, shall henceforth be known
only as " Winnsday."

Mr. Punch, for the eighty-ninth time, has refused a Peerage.
He has, however, requested that a collar may be bestowed on Toby,
and has been jjromised the reversion of a pair of garters.