DOI Heft:
December 19, 1885
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17759#0296
December 19, 1885.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
289
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
These is an interesting article, in The Fortnightly Magazine of
this month, by vLady Puke, entitled "France under Richelieu." It
is amusing to be reminded how the Great Cardinal dealt with
the Academicians, and made them vote exactly as he wished, just
at this moment when Baron Alphonse de Rothschild has been
elected a member of the French Academy, on account of the use he
has made of his vast wealth for encouragement of Art. What view
would Richelieu have taken of the candidature of the Semitic
Millionnaire ? Perhaps the Cardinal would have recommended the
Olympians to provide a seat among the Wits and Literati for the
Plutocrat as a Jew d'esprit. This would at once have given
him the necessary qualification. A propos of the Fortnightly, we
are very glad to know that its able Editor, Mr. Escott, has recovered
from his recent severe illness, and is now only in need of some few
weeks' rest and change, in order to complete his cure.
In the Nineteenth Century, Professor Huxley deals with Mr. Glad-
stone's Dawn of Creation, and bowls over its eminent author as easily
as if he were a rickety nine-pin. The Professor does it so pleasantly,
too, and yet most effectually, genially lecturing the Ex-Premier on
the absurdity of dealing_ with subjects on which other people are as
well, and indeed better, informed than himself. It is a warning to
the Wersatile Woodman not to trespass on the ground at present
held by the Professor and his scientific allies, where they are quite at
home, but where even such a universal genius as the Wersatile
Woodman of Ha warden is only a rash intruder. Professor Huxley's
rebuke of such temerity is the more valuable, as it comes with all
the special authority which personal experience of having done exactly
the same thing himself, and having been floored by Mr. St. George
Mjvabt—Bravo St. George v. Dragon !—can give. Of course, Mr.
Gladstone's article in the Nineteenth, was on a matter as entirely
out of his line as Theology and Patristic learning are out of Professor
Huxley's; and while not claiming to speak with the authority of
"one who knows," Mr. Gladstone inconsistently assumed the tone
of a writer whose opinions on any subject must be worthy of all
attention. Mr. Huxley comes in. between Mr. Gladstone and M.
Reville, not as an impartial referee, but as a Mephistopheles running
in under REvrLLE-.F'attsi's arm. and piercing the very weak case of
Gladstone- Valentine. The Wersatile Woodman had better leave
Genesis alone, and confine himself to an exegesis on the authenticity
and genuineness of the story of Joseph with his "Three Acres and
Cow ; "or, if he will drop into poetry, let him sing "Homer, Homer,
Sweet, Sweet Homer," and stick to the works of that distinguished
Greek Poet,—who has always been the Early Bard that catches the
Wersatile Woodman.
There is an amusing article in The Cornhill, on " Superfine
English," in which the Editor—evidently the Editor, Author of Payn-
ful Literary Reminiscences, Low Spirits, Buy a Proxy and a few
other novels, to the extent of twenty dozen or so.—gives it warm to
modern pedants who say and write "Camella" instead of Camelia,
and with " in the circumstances " for " under the circumstances," and
so forth. Then he instances the old difficulty about " The two first
Chapters," which is very common, and " the two first Norman
Kings," which is very uncommon, as who ordinarily talks about Nor-
man Kings at all F The pedant objects, Bays Mr. Payn, that " there
cannot conceivably be two first," and then he retorts "Nonsense!
we can have fifty firsts, if the sovereign people so wills it."
We don't quite go with Mr. Payn here. There can be " fifty first
persons," all equal, in the first line of battle, or in the first row of the
stalls. But how can the sovereign will of the people make fifty
first Kings ? The sovereign will of the people can do a great many
idiotic things, and this may be one of them, Mr. Payn does not
confute his pedant with an Academic example, which ought to have
come to his hand atonce ; for, he could have asked, if there can't be
"two firsts," how is it that a University man can take " a double-
first " ?
In a race there can be a dead heat of two first horses, and so, if
there are three volumes, cannot the pedant have the lot thrown at his
head, and the couple that hit the mark together will be the two first
volumes ? Then, as to the " Infant Phenomenon," which, Mr. Payn
considers, has made its mark on the literature of the country,
clearly because Chaeles Dickens created her in Nicholas Nickleby.
Mr. Payn says that the pedants object to the " Infant Phenomenon."
But it is not the pedant alone who will question the propriety of
applying the " Infant Phenomenon" to a girl, for didn't Mrs. Rams-
bottom Junr., observe, when she heard her niece use the term, " My
dear, you must remember that a girl is the feminino gender, there-
fore, what you ought to have said is, that she is an " Infant Pheno-
mena." Superfine English as she is'' spoke" and written would bear
further illustration at the hands of the Cornhill Magazinist.
Ho"w to discovee the Real Majobity in the House of Com-
mons.—(-By a Rejected Cynic).— Count the Duffers!
A BALLAD OE THE GREAT ELECTION BATTLE.
December, 1885.
(Some way after Drayton's Ballad of Agincourt.)
Faib stood the wind (we thought)
Ere the great fight was fought,
Much hoping, fearing nought,
On marched our heroes.
But when, whilst banners flew,
First Orange closed with Blue,
Our hopes soon tumbled to
Chillest of zeros!
When in his height of pride,
Joe did the foe deride,
And " Ransom " loudly cried,
Many offending;
When he forgot the while
Rob Roy's not English Btyle,
Cecil did darkly smile,
Mischief portending.
And, turning to his men,
Quoth our sage William then,
" Bearded in our own den ?
I am amazed!
But battles ill begun
By pluck are often won.
Close ranks, and fight like fun !
Joe has gone crazed.
" But for myself," quoth he,
This my last fight may be.
England will mock at me,
No more esteem me,
[f vanquished I remain,
In this great fray fall slain ;
Close up, and charge again
Loss to redeem me!
" ' Eighty' our foes may tell,
When most their pride did swell,
Under our swords they fell,
Not less our skill is
Than when great Ben we beat;
That conquest we '11 repeat
If you but follow fleet
One standard—Willie's ! "
Joe, sulking, hung his head,
William to van ward sped,
And the whole phalanx led.
Flushed with past glories.
Hartington had the rear
No braver man was there,
Oh, Lord ! how hot they were
On the proud Tories!
Well it thine age became,
Willie, of warlike fame,
Who did the signal aim
To our thinned forces ;
Whilst, from a meadow by,
With a low bovine cry,
County Democracy
Swelled our resources.
Down hurled the rustic crew.
Then soon the foeman knew,
These new recruits were true,
If they were tardy.
Upwards the Blue polls went,
Down were the Orange sent,
And the foe's host was rent,
Though late so hardy.
This while the Uncrowii'd King,
His Erse axe brandishing,
Down on our rear did ding
As to o'erwhelm it.
Forward still Willie went,
Though with much blood besprent,
Whilst many a cruel dent
Bruised his old helmet.
Joe to his standard stood
Cow or, field vert. " No good ? "
Cried he, in swelling mood,
" Where's such another f "
He in brave steel, and bright,
Though but a youngish Knight,
Yet in that furious fight
Raised a rare pother.
Dilke held a stubborn pike,
Harcoubt as Thor did strike,
Smiting down smashers like
Hammer on anvil;
Mobley his axe did ply,
Bright and young Rosebeby
Bore them right doughtily,
Derby and Granville !
All in December grey
Fought was this wondrous fray.
Brave Britons, as when they
Lopped the Frenc h lilies !
Acts these to fill a pen I
Must not all Englishmen
Hope we may breed again
Hearts like Aukl Willie's y
WRITE AND WRONG.
The onslaught of the Advanced Economists on the School Board
expenditure has not been long in making itself felt. At the General
Meeting, on Wednesday last, Mr. Babnes proposed, and theP^everend
Chaeles Lawbence seconded, a motion to cut off at one fell swoop
the salary of £300 paid to the Secretary of the Chairman, coupling
the proposition with the suggestion that that official could very well
manage all his correspondence himself. To this the Reverend
Joseph Diggle, the Chairman in question, demurred, and was sup-
ported in his objection by Mr. Buxton, who said he considered the
whole business, to call a spade a spade, a regular dig at the authority
of the Chair, and that it was an attempt to subject Mr. Diggle to
infra dig. conditions. The motion was therefore eventually lost,
there being a majority of thirty against it; it being no doubt the
opinion of the Board that £300 a-year for Mr. Diggle's Secretary
could not be regarded in the light of prodiggle expenditure.
Too Bad!
The Eleotion, itself, was a hideous bore.
Which moved us to wrath, yet we strove to restrain it.
But what makes a fellow with anger boil o'er,
Are the fellows, with figures, who want to explain it!
' The Newdegate Prize."—A Peerage.
VOI. 71X1IX
c c
289
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
These is an interesting article, in The Fortnightly Magazine of
this month, by vLady Puke, entitled "France under Richelieu." It
is amusing to be reminded how the Great Cardinal dealt with
the Academicians, and made them vote exactly as he wished, just
at this moment when Baron Alphonse de Rothschild has been
elected a member of the French Academy, on account of the use he
has made of his vast wealth for encouragement of Art. What view
would Richelieu have taken of the candidature of the Semitic
Millionnaire ? Perhaps the Cardinal would have recommended the
Olympians to provide a seat among the Wits and Literati for the
Plutocrat as a Jew d'esprit. This would at once have given
him the necessary qualification. A propos of the Fortnightly, we
are very glad to know that its able Editor, Mr. Escott, has recovered
from his recent severe illness, and is now only in need of some few
weeks' rest and change, in order to complete his cure.
In the Nineteenth Century, Professor Huxley deals with Mr. Glad-
stone's Dawn of Creation, and bowls over its eminent author as easily
as if he were a rickety nine-pin. The Professor does it so pleasantly,
too, and yet most effectually, genially lecturing the Ex-Premier on
the absurdity of dealing_ with subjects on which other people are as
well, and indeed better, informed than himself. It is a warning to
the Wersatile Woodman not to trespass on the ground at present
held by the Professor and his scientific allies, where they are quite at
home, but where even such a universal genius as the Wersatile
Woodman of Ha warden is only a rash intruder. Professor Huxley's
rebuke of such temerity is the more valuable, as it comes with all
the special authority which personal experience of having done exactly
the same thing himself, and having been floored by Mr. St. George
Mjvabt—Bravo St. George v. Dragon !—can give. Of course, Mr.
Gladstone's article in the Nineteenth, was on a matter as entirely
out of his line as Theology and Patristic learning are out of Professor
Huxley's; and while not claiming to speak with the authority of
"one who knows," Mr. Gladstone inconsistently assumed the tone
of a writer whose opinions on any subject must be worthy of all
attention. Mr. Huxley comes in. between Mr. Gladstone and M.
Reville, not as an impartial referee, but as a Mephistopheles running
in under REvrLLE-.F'attsi's arm. and piercing the very weak case of
Gladstone- Valentine. The Wersatile Woodman had better leave
Genesis alone, and confine himself to an exegesis on the authenticity
and genuineness of the story of Joseph with his "Three Acres and
Cow ; "or, if he will drop into poetry, let him sing "Homer, Homer,
Sweet, Sweet Homer," and stick to the works of that distinguished
Greek Poet,—who has always been the Early Bard that catches the
Wersatile Woodman.
There is an amusing article in The Cornhill, on " Superfine
English," in which the Editor—evidently the Editor, Author of Payn-
ful Literary Reminiscences, Low Spirits, Buy a Proxy and a few
other novels, to the extent of twenty dozen or so.—gives it warm to
modern pedants who say and write "Camella" instead of Camelia,
and with " in the circumstances " for " under the circumstances," and
so forth. Then he instances the old difficulty about " The two first
Chapters," which is very common, and " the two first Norman
Kings," which is very uncommon, as who ordinarily talks about Nor-
man Kings at all F The pedant objects, Bays Mr. Payn, that " there
cannot conceivably be two first," and then he retorts "Nonsense!
we can have fifty firsts, if the sovereign people so wills it."
We don't quite go with Mr. Payn here. There can be " fifty first
persons," all equal, in the first line of battle, or in the first row of the
stalls. But how can the sovereign will of the people make fifty
first Kings ? The sovereign will of the people can do a great many
idiotic things, and this may be one of them, Mr. Payn does not
confute his pedant with an Academic example, which ought to have
come to his hand atonce ; for, he could have asked, if there can't be
"two firsts," how is it that a University man can take " a double-
first " ?
In a race there can be a dead heat of two first horses, and so, if
there are three volumes, cannot the pedant have the lot thrown at his
head, and the couple that hit the mark together will be the two first
volumes ? Then, as to the " Infant Phenomenon," which, Mr. Payn
considers, has made its mark on the literature of the country,
clearly because Chaeles Dickens created her in Nicholas Nickleby.
Mr. Payn says that the pedants object to the " Infant Phenomenon."
But it is not the pedant alone who will question the propriety of
applying the " Infant Phenomenon" to a girl, for didn't Mrs. Rams-
bottom Junr., observe, when she heard her niece use the term, " My
dear, you must remember that a girl is the feminino gender, there-
fore, what you ought to have said is, that she is an " Infant Pheno-
mena." Superfine English as she is'' spoke" and written would bear
further illustration at the hands of the Cornhill Magazinist.
Ho"w to discovee the Real Majobity in the House of Com-
mons.—(-By a Rejected Cynic).— Count the Duffers!
A BALLAD OE THE GREAT ELECTION BATTLE.
December, 1885.
(Some way after Drayton's Ballad of Agincourt.)
Faib stood the wind (we thought)
Ere the great fight was fought,
Much hoping, fearing nought,
On marched our heroes.
But when, whilst banners flew,
First Orange closed with Blue,
Our hopes soon tumbled to
Chillest of zeros!
When in his height of pride,
Joe did the foe deride,
And " Ransom " loudly cried,
Many offending;
When he forgot the while
Rob Roy's not English Btyle,
Cecil did darkly smile,
Mischief portending.
And, turning to his men,
Quoth our sage William then,
" Bearded in our own den ?
I am amazed!
But battles ill begun
By pluck are often won.
Close ranks, and fight like fun !
Joe has gone crazed.
" But for myself," quoth he,
This my last fight may be.
England will mock at me,
No more esteem me,
[f vanquished I remain,
In this great fray fall slain ;
Close up, and charge again
Loss to redeem me!
" ' Eighty' our foes may tell,
When most their pride did swell,
Under our swords they fell,
Not less our skill is
Than when great Ben we beat;
That conquest we '11 repeat
If you but follow fleet
One standard—Willie's ! "
Joe, sulking, hung his head,
William to van ward sped,
And the whole phalanx led.
Flushed with past glories.
Hartington had the rear
No braver man was there,
Oh, Lord ! how hot they were
On the proud Tories!
Well it thine age became,
Willie, of warlike fame,
Who did the signal aim
To our thinned forces ;
Whilst, from a meadow by,
With a low bovine cry,
County Democracy
Swelled our resources.
Down hurled the rustic crew.
Then soon the foeman knew,
These new recruits were true,
If they were tardy.
Upwards the Blue polls went,
Down were the Orange sent,
And the foe's host was rent,
Though late so hardy.
This while the Uncrowii'd King,
His Erse axe brandishing,
Down on our rear did ding
As to o'erwhelm it.
Forward still Willie went,
Though with much blood besprent,
Whilst many a cruel dent
Bruised his old helmet.
Joe to his standard stood
Cow or, field vert. " No good ? "
Cried he, in swelling mood,
" Where's such another f "
He in brave steel, and bright,
Though but a youngish Knight,
Yet in that furious fight
Raised a rare pother.
Dilke held a stubborn pike,
Harcoubt as Thor did strike,
Smiting down smashers like
Hammer on anvil;
Mobley his axe did ply,
Bright and young Rosebeby
Bore them right doughtily,
Derby and Granville !
All in December grey
Fought was this wondrous fray.
Brave Britons, as when they
Lopped the Frenc h lilies !
Acts these to fill a pen I
Must not all Englishmen
Hope we may breed again
Hearts like Aukl Willie's y
WRITE AND WRONG.
The onslaught of the Advanced Economists on the School Board
expenditure has not been long in making itself felt. At the General
Meeting, on Wednesday last, Mr. Babnes proposed, and theP^everend
Chaeles Lawbence seconded, a motion to cut off at one fell swoop
the salary of £300 paid to the Secretary of the Chairman, coupling
the proposition with the suggestion that that official could very well
manage all his correspondence himself. To this the Reverend
Joseph Diggle, the Chairman in question, demurred, and was sup-
ported in his objection by Mr. Buxton, who said he considered the
whole business, to call a spade a spade, a regular dig at the authority
of the Chair, and that it was an attempt to subject Mr. Diggle to
infra dig. conditions. The motion was therefore eventually lost,
there being a majority of thirty against it; it being no doubt the
opinion of the Board that £300 a-year for Mr. Diggle's Secretary
could not be regarded in the light of prodiggle expenditure.
Too Bad!
The Eleotion, itself, was a hideous bore.
Which moved us to wrath, yet we strove to restrain it.
But what makes a fellow with anger boil o'er,
Are the fellows, with figures, who want to explain it!
' The Newdegate Prize."—A Peerage.
VOI. 71X1IX
c c