Punch (89.1885)

September 5, 1885.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

109

LONG SHOTS.

By Dumb Crambo Junior.

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BaggiDg a "White Hare.

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Knocking over a Blackcock.

, wre, "J o nzs ?\

A Hot Corner.

Mixed Bags.

THE TOURIST IN TOWN.

TEE MYSTERIOUS PENINSULA. IN THE ST. JAMES'S PARK.

The History of its Past. — From my childhood I had watched
the spot with awe. In maturer years I had heard that it was the
home of all sorts of wild animals—the head-quarters of the English
Acclimatisation Society. A friend of mine had told me (he was a
Member of the Council, or something) that the presents to the dis-
tinguished Association to which he had the honour to belong had
languished down anddown until,atlast,the wholeof the "exhibits" in
the gardens consisted of three Storks and an Elk. It was at this
crisis that new blood, so to speak, was poured into the body by the
Rajah of Bongorpoor (t cannot vouch for the exact name) suddenly
presenting the Institution with a full-grown man-eating tiger. It
was at this point that my friend (he was a dashing Major of Yeo-
manry Cavalry) thought it expedient to resign. So I lost the thread
of the peninsular story. I knew not what became of the Accli-
matisation Society, or the Rajah of Bongorpoor, or last, but not least,
of the full-grown man-eating tiger.

Geography of the Place.—It was surrounded by water, save where
a narrow isthmus of lawn joined it to the mainland. I tried to enter
the gates. They were locked and padlocked. I could see in the
distance a pretty cottage covered with the most luxuriant creepers,
but this dwelling was initsturn protected by rails and chained .gates.
Evidently there was no approaching it by land. Then I looked round
and saw how well it was defended. On the south was the Horse
Guards, with its two quaint pieces of ordnance and garrison of Cavalry
and Foot. On the west, in support, I noticed Wellington Barracks.

As I passed that Home of the Soldier I had seen a gallant band of
Volunteer Commanders going through a mimic battle, with the assist-
ance of about two dozen and a half of Second Coldstream Guardsmen.
I had also watched a very energetio Captain of the Reserve of
Officers doing absolutely marvels in the shape of company drill with
the aid of two sergeants, four privates, three drummers, and a pioneer.
Were the peninsula in danger, the assistance of this powerful force of
" military " could be secured at a moment's notice. It was hopeless
to attempt to force an entrance from the land; so I abandoned the
idea with a heart full of bitterness !

The Chimney and its Uses.—Then I tried to discover the character
of the place from afar off. The shrubbery was so thick that I could
see nothing— save a high factory chimney ! To what did that chimney
belong ? I had seen a similar chimney at the Woking Cemetery,
and the chimney there was attached to a Crematorium! Was the
chimney in the Peninsula in the St. James's Park used for a similar
purpose P I thought of the full-sized man-eating tiger, and wondered
if any park-keepers had been sacrificed. _ The remains of the tiger's
meals could not be buried without infringing a statute dealing with
London Churchyards, so perhaps the Crematorium had been utilised
to cheat of his fees that useful functionary, the Coroner.

Traces of the Acclimatised Animals.—Leaving the terribly sug-
gestive chimney for the moment, I carefully examined the lawn in
frontof the peninsula. Tomyrelief Ifound that the Storkshadesoaped.
There were three of them looking very white and scared, but still
alive. They seemed to have had some terrible experience that had
turned their feathers from coal to snow in a single night. And it
appeared to me (it might have been only the effect of my heated
imagination) that they oould if they wished " a tale unfold" of the
fate of the luckless Elk. What had become of that animal p Had
it fallen a victim to the man-eater ?

On the Trace of the Tiger.—I seated myself on a bench beside a
little boy who was reading a book. Feeling rather like Mr. Henry
Irving in the Dream of Eugene Aram, I asked him a question.

" Have you heard,"—I said, pleasantly, for I wished to conciliate
the lad,—"have you heard that that enclosure contains a tiger ?"

He got up in terror, looked at me with horror, and fled. No doubt
he questioned my sanity, and imagined I was ripe for a padded room in
the " Sanatorium" at Virginia Water, and the business-like bounty
of the late Professor Hollow at, of happy Pill and Ointment memory.
[ could not tell him I was merely an explorer attempting to clear up
a very painful mystery.

An Expedition on the Lake.—I determined upon reaching the
peninsula by water. I noticed a deserted boat-house absolutely
covered with heavy foliage. In a few minutes I was paddling a canoe
and moving to the south. Some vigorous strokes, and, leaving the
many 'Areys and 'Arriets disporting themselves on the water
behind me, I prepared to shoot the Suspension Bridge. As usual,
that scientific structure was lined with schoolboys ready to scoff
and pelt those who passed beneath it. I set my teeth, ducked my
head,—and was clear! A few pebbles fell plashing into the lake
near me as I passed, but soon I was within measurable distance of
the land of my search. Again I vigorously propelled my frail craft
until, with a scrunch, it was brought to a sudden stop by an obstruc-
tion in the water. The peninsula was protected by a chain !

Possible Solution of the Mystery.—As I was leaving it suddenly
occurred to me that this place might be " preserved" for the Royal
Ranger's shooting. Every Park has its Royal Ranger, and no doubt
St. James's is no exception. Who was the Royal Ranger who would
exult in " big game." Immediately I called to mind a most Exalted
Personage who would he as destructive as a torpedo at a dozen yards
with a pistol. Why should not this Exalted Personage have used
the peninsula for dangerous sport? Armed with an air-gun and
dressed in. chain-armour, such a person, would have been irresistible.
I put to myself a couple of questions, having the same answer, whioh
answer, it will be seen, pointed directly to a solution of the mystery.

1. Who was the bravest of the brave, a General in tne British
Army, and one ever ready to do a deed of daring ?

2. Who was the only man in England likely to engage a tiger in
combat single-handed P

Those were the Questions, and the Answer (as everyone will have
guessed)—H.R.H. Prince Christian" of Schleswig-Holstein! Could
it be that the most picturesque part of the Gardens dedicated to St.
Jame3 was closed to the Public to afford a veteran son of Her
Majesty a happy hunting-ground ? Or to fall from the Sublime to
the Ridiculous, the Poetical to the Probable, was the Mysterious
Peninsula "railed off," to give pleasant quarters to a meritorious
park-keeper ?

Rhyme toy a Radical Anti-Woman's Rightist.

Give Spinsters a Vote ? How the Tories will smile 1
A Miss—we are told—is as good as a mile ;

But at least, as a focus of Tory intrigue,

A Miss is as- good as a (Primrose) League!

vol. Lxxxrx.