Punch (89.1885)

August 29, 1885.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

97

YACHTING.

Illustrated by Dumb-Crambo Junior.

A Loose Sheet.

Short Manned.

"VERY WELL OUT OP IT;

Or, Finishing Up at Portsmouth.

The Lords of the Admiralty, whose recent heroic movements in
the neighbourhood of Portsmouth have been duly chronicled in the
columns of the daily Press, again continued and finally concluded
their exciting tour of inspection yesterday, under even still more
novel and interesting conditions. It having been arranged that, in
addition to their previous ?xperiences, all more or less calculated to
familiarise thsm with the prastical details of their official work, they
should still further be subjected to the personal inconvenience atten-
dant on a night-attack by an enemy "supposed to be in full force,
supported by a torpedo squadron on three sides; " their Lordships,
after having retired to '■est at their several hotels, were suddenly
roused, and hurried off with scarcely time to dress comfortably, in one
or two steam pinnaces, waiting to take them to the scene of action.

This feat was courteously but efficiently accomplished by the con-
troller, who, notwithstanding the apparent lack of interest shown by
some of the official part1;-, who were at first huddled rather sleepily
and unceremoniously i ito the stern, managed by the judicious use of
the electric-light and ateam-whistle combined with the cold morning
air, and an occasions.), wash of spray, to excite their flagging interest
in the nature of iiie important manceuvre in which they found
themselves engaged.

The attack naying been, after a good two hours' heavy shrapnel
practice in the dark, " repulsed," their Lordships, who were now
fairly awake, expressed their entire satisfaction with the proceed-
ings, and were about to return to their respective hotels to finish
their night's rest, when the Admiral, who had prepared a pleasant
surprise for them, in the shape of a morning cruise in the new patent
" rocking" vessel, Tumbler, designed for the purpose of accustoming
Admirals on the Half-Pay List to recover, in any emergency, the use
of their sea-legs, cleverly intercepted them.

Taken at a brisk rate some ten miles out and home again, their
Lordships, who were thus enabled before breakfast to experience all
the sensations common to a severe Channel passage, on leaving the
ingeniously-contrived craft, again expressed their entire satisfaction,
and were looking anxiously for some conveyance to carry them in
the direction of the town, when they were met by the Surveyor of
Dockyards, who at once suggested an inspection of the proposed site
for the Marine Bowling-Green, about which there had been consider-
able difference of opinion, and which happened to be not more than
two miles and a half distant from the spot where they had been
landed.

On their way to the proposed site their Lordships had, moreover,
the opportunity of trying the new Macpherson iron-clad fire-escape,
that in action is meant to facilitate the safety of combatants leaving
a sinking ship, and in time of peace can be utilised as a series of
douche baths, supplied with hot or cold water as inclination or neces-
sity may direct.

Their Lordships having experienced the efficacy of this admirable
new invention in both capacities, the First Lord, who said he
thought that he might possibly be recalled to town immediately,
was about to signal by heliograph for a four-wheeler from Upnor,
when the official party were again taken off bodily, though this time

not without some slight protest, to inspeot the bursting of obsolete
muzzle-loaders by the new heavy ordnance charges at the open
practice-grounds at the back of Whale Island. Having witnessed
these interesting experiments for some considerable time in a somno-
lescent condition, it was now announced to their Lordships, who had
to be awakened with a fog-signal, that the Enchantress was in sight,
upon whioh, after they had expressed the greatest satisfaction at this
intelligence, they made a hurried rally for the landing-stage, and,
spite the almost active intervention of the Colonel, acting as deputy-
director of works, who obstinately insisted on their seeing some
mortar practice, managed ultimately, after a prolonged^ altercation
ending in a somewhat unseemly scuffle, to get once again safely on
board their own yacht.

Their Lordships attended the official dinner given by the Admiral
Commander-in-Chief in the evening, but left early, in several
batches, for unknown destinations, without leaving any addresses.
The proposed "supplementary night surprise," planned for their
special entertainment after the conclusion of the Seamen and Marines
Orphan Asylum Ball, will, it is rumoured, in consequence possibly
hang fire.

A DISENCHANTED CASTLE.

" To be Sold " an old Castle of feudal renown;

For its Lords, well-a-day! in the world have gone down;

And their latest descendant, who

haply can't let,

Has concluded to sell it for what
he can get.

It dates back to the dark days, on

History's page,

Of the bows, and the bills, and

the battle-axe age.

'Tis a massive, stone-built, medi-
eval stronghold,

And a family seat, and it's now
to be sold!

On Yiew. It bears bulwarks and battle-

ments, turrets and towers,

That stand, fast as live rocks, all the storms and the showers,
On its walls there's a "weeping-stone," no one knows why,
Which is dry in damp weather, and dripping in dry.

It has dungeons, a chamber where mur-
der, of yore,

Hath left blood-stains, whioh won't be

washed out of the floor,

And a room with a secret that ne'er must

be known,

As 'twould carry a terrible ourse were it
" blown."

Up and down the grand stairoase, at

times to be seen,

A spectral " Green Lady" walks, grue-
some and green,

Which betokens that somebody's going
to die;

'Tis a notice to quit—a memento mort.

There's a ban on the building; the tale

goes that ne'er
Within those old walls will be born a
Tn nl ft heir

Till a spell shall be broken; and, sooth, it appears
No such boy has been born there for five hundred years.

This ancestral old Keep, with the

broad lands that lie
All around it, Sir Goegius Midas

may buy,

Though he drop all his aitches,

he '11 be a fine host,
Lay wagers, lay wine down,—
will he lay the Ghost ?

Oh, the weeping-stone, then will

it weep any more ?

Will the stains still refuse to

come out of the floor ?

Will the Green Lady warn the

smug Millionnaire ?

And how about Goegius Midas's
heir ?

The Castle Spectre.

Tobacco and Spirit.

vol.. I,XXXIX.