Punch (89.1885)

July 11, 1885.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

13

PAPERS FROM PUMP-HANDLE COURT.

I DO MY BEST FOR A FRIEND IN CHAMBERS.

ah aware that
although an
extensive
practice at
the Bar has
many advan-
tages, still it
is accompani-
ed. by several
drawbacks,
amongst
which must
be enumera-
ted that of
being consi-
dered. an au-
thority equal
at the very
least to the

Lord Chancellor upon a collection of miscellaneous subjects by
one's friends. I should perhaps limit the friends to those who are
laymen, as those who belong to the profession are less anxious to
obtain one's opinion, no doubt from feelings of jealousy, or even
envy. Amongst my law-loving acquaintances, Fogwell used to
be the most urgent in his appeals to my judgment. One day he
oalled upon me at my Chambers as usual " bothered out of his
life." I was not always pleased at his visits, as he had a way with
him of smoking cigarettes and asking awkward questions about the
number and nature of my Briefs. At first I hoped that he might be
accepted by my fellow tenants in common as a Solicitor anxious for
my advice, but he soon dispelled that illusion by asking anyone who
happened to come in the same question of law he had put to me, and
then if the reply was different to the answer I had given (which was
generally the case), used to turn round upon me with the ungrateful
exclamation, " There! I thought you must be wrong! "

" Yes," he said, after a preliminary apology for knocking down
my wig-box and disclosing its contents—some cheap toys for the
boys at home—"I am almost dead. The matter of the sale of the
land has ^ot into Chambers, and I know that Coke, Stephens and
Bacon, will make a mess of it."

"Messrs. Coke, Stephens and Bacon are most respectable and
able practitioners," I replied, in a tone which was intended to
impress him with the idea that I had known them intimately for
years, and was their favourite and most trusted Counsel.

" Of course, I know that," he answered, testily; " but, as you are
aware, in Chancery most matters, when in Chambers, are entrusted
to a Clerk, and Coke, Stephens and Bacon can't be everywhere at
once. What I am afraid of is, that they will hand over the matter
to one of their Clerks, who doesn't know the facts of the case."

" "What are the facts of the case ?" I asked. I always like to
keep my hand in, and to tell the truth, I do not receive a visit from a
Solicitor, at times, for hours together.

""Well, it is something like this," he returned, "I don't quite
know myself exactly how it goes, but you as a Barrister will be able
to pick it up at a glance."

I bowed at this compliment to my professional ability.

" I am a tenant for life of a portion of the property, when it can
be realised," he began, and I again nodded, to intimate that so far
all seemed to me plain sailing, and. the real Plaintiff is one of the
Defendants, as the nominal Plaintiff is in reality a Defendant, because
you see he has a divided interest in the freehold as a joint trustee
for some of the remaindermen who have mortgaged their share under a
pre-nuptial settlement, which, however, will be divided under a hodge-
podge clause in the will of the testator. That's simple enough."

Again I nodded, but this time rather more perfunctorily.

" 1 thought you would think so," he replied, seemingly much
relieved; " but the difficulty is, so far as I can make it out, that the
copyholds are, by the particular custom of the manor, not barred in
dower, and, consequently, are on a different footing to the property
held in Kent under a Borough English tenure. "Well, somehow on
account of this there has been a clashing of interests, and the result
is that we have had eight separate sets of Solicitors hard at work at
it for the last five years. I suppose it couldn't be helped—could it ? "
And he looked at me inquiringly.

" My dear friend," I replied, " if you are represented (as you say
you are) by Messrs. Coke, Stephens and Bacon, you could not pos-
sibly be in better hands."

" Yes, I know," he replied, mournfully, " but there is a summons
in Chambers before the Chief Clerk to-morrow about a right of way,
or the purohase of a wheelbarrow, or the insnrance of a haystack, or
something or other connected either with the freeholds or the copy-
holds, and I do wish you would look in and watch it."

Rather against my will, as I thought I possibly might be recog-
nised as a Member of the Bar (the contingency, I admit, was a little
remote, as I have more to do with Common Law than Chancery), I
consented, and the next morning wended my way to the chambers of
the Chief Clerk of Mr. Justice Chitson. After passing two lounging
custodians dressed in a garb something between the joint uniforms
of a Commissionnaire, a private in the Army Medical Department, a
Custom-House searcher, and a " chucker-out" of an East End
Music-Hail, I ascended several flights of stone steps, passed along
about a quarter of a mile of dimly-lighted corridors, and entered a
large room which was divided into two parts by a line of demarcation
marked out by a barricade of screens, folding-up washhand-stands,
and office-desks. In front of the barricade was a crowd of solicitors'
clerks, varying in age from fifteen to fifty, and behind it was a stolid
but albeit amiable-looking gentleman of the highest respectability.
This latter I ascertained was the Chief Clerk. "With his long Aus-
trian moustache, had I met him at a county ball I should have put
him down at once as the Captain Commandant of a local troop of
Yeomanry Cavalry.

" Are you all here ?" he asked, making notes in a MS. book with
white paper covers. Upon this, about a dozen gentlemen, in various
costumes, ranging from the billycock-hat and tweed-suit of dittos of
the country to the regulation chimney-potand unexceptional broadcloth
of Rotten Row, replied in the affirmative. " No ohange of Solicitors
or appearances in person this time ?" he continued, as if anxious to
avoid mistakes. Again the combined answer was in the affirmative.
" Well," he said, leaning back in his arm-chair, " what is it ? "

Immediately an extremely intelligent youth of very tender years
(I do not think he could have been much older than fifteen)
began one of the most impassioned harangues to which it has ever
been my pleasure to listen. I was fairly astonished at the flow of
eloquence, the erudition, the powerful invective of this forensic
infant. His words came with a rush resembling a verbal Niagara,
and it caused me real pain to observe that the other representatives
of parties interested instead of listening, as I did, with respectful
awe, merely smiled scornfully or nodded in derision. I felt so
indignant that I took up my place beside him, and whenever he
paused for breath, as he did every five or ten minutes, I bowed my
approval. At first he seemed inclined to treat my silent gesture of
approbation as a covert insult, but soon seeing how earnest was my
commendation, he accepted me as an ally, and constituted me the
Chief Clerk's assessor, addressing his remarks equally to both of us.
I was flattered at this deference, and renewed my noiseless applause
with increased fervour.

" That may be I" at last said the Chief Clerk (who, I fancy, I
regret to say, if appearances were to be credited, may have been
dozing) when he could get in a word edgeways ; " but that does not
aocount satisfactorily for the fact that when I ordered affidavits in
support to be filed within three days, exactly two months and a fort-
night has been consumed in thinking about it."

Again Niagara began to flow, amidst a renewed accompaniment of
partly suppressed derision. Onee more I afforded the eloquent and
persecuted youth my hearty but silent approbation. He proved, up to
the hilt, that it was totally impossible to have filed the affidavits at an
earlier date, and that, as to the future, they could not, under any cir-
cumstances whatever, be obtained for at least another seven weeks.

" Very well," said the Chief Clerk, at last, " I will look over the
matter this time ; but mind, you mast have them all sworn and filed
by the first thing to-morrow morning."

" Thank you, Sir," replied the now triumphant infant, smiling
joyfully. There were a few mild and ineffectual protests from the
others, and the matter ended.

I must confess I was a little astonished at this abrupt termination
to the proceedings, the more especially as I felt convinced from the
arguments that had been used by my learned, boy and brother that
the affidavits could not possibly be obtained in the absurdly short
time specified. I mentioned my doubts to a gentleman of solemn
appearance, who had taken no active part in the discussion.

" Sir," he replied, " I have yet to learn what you have to do with
this affair; but if you are not connected with the firm represented
by Mr. Scurry, I think it my duty, in the interests of my Client, to
protest against your unprovoked interference."

" Sir," I answered, angrily, " I am here merely as a friend of Mr.
Fogwell, and am very much surprised at so uncalled-for an
observation."

"And I am surprised, Sir, excessively surprised, Sir, that you,
claiming friendship with Mr. Fogwell, should have given your
entirely superfluous countenance to one of his opponents."

" Opponents ! " I exclaimed. " What do you mean, Sir ? "

" I mean, Sir, that I am the representative of Messrs. Coke,
Stephens and Bacon—very much at your service !" and he left the
room.

I do not know'what the representative of Messrs. Coke, Stephens
and Bacon subsequently told Fogwell about me, but it is certainly
a fact that from that day to this the oldest of my friends has
deliberately cut me! A. Briefless, Junior.

vol. lxxxix.

c