Punch (89.1885)

November 28, 188".]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

253

TRADE-MARKS FOE, WELL-KNOWN PUBLISHERS.

(Designed by Dumb-Crambo Junior.)

Smith, 'and 'eld 'er.

Chat 0 ! and Windotra.

HUM OF BEE.

Clear-drawn treacle, in addition,

Simple syrup—that is all,

There you get the composition
Which impostors " honey"
call!

In the

" Spumous Honey.—The adulteration and falsification of honey is car-
ried on in an unusually barefaced manner."—Medical Tress and Circular.

How to cheat you of your money,

Friends, the latest dodgebeware,

Lest you purchase bogus honey,

And the vendors have you
there.

" Best New Honey."
middle
Of a jar a comb you see,
Drained, and meant your eye to
diddle,

All that'sfromthehummingBee,
Humbug, that for honey passes

With the simple, soft, and green,
Credulous, confiding classes,

Sold, besides, with "butterine."

A CRY FROM EPPING FOREST.

I want to thank you, good Mr. Punch, for what you have said
on our behalf. Things have lately gone very hard with us. We felt
they were really beyond a joke.

For hundreds and hnndreds of years, we fallow Deer have had free
range of Eppiug Forest. When the Ancient Britons were mere begin-
ners, we were here. Since time was, the Forest has been " fallow"
ground. What is happening to us now no Fallow can understand!
Dear Mr. Punch we are not being killed—that would be merciful,
and we are but venison. At the Civic "hunts" you have heard
about we are literally tortured to death. Does the thing your City
calls its Corporation possess bowels of compassion ? If it is not quite
callous to the agony inflicted in its name, it will stop, once and for
ever, the ghastly " sport" of the past season.

My Sire lies rotting in the Forest. Flying one_ morning last Sep-
tember before a band of yelling beaters, one of his legs was smashed
below the knee by a Cockney " sportsman's" chance shot. My
lamed Sire made for a near brook, flowing through a deep hollow in
the wood. Here at night we came to him. The ball had smashed
the bone to splinters. At first he crept from place to place along the
brook, leaving a track of blood. _ Then, as the wound grew worse, he
lay in the deepest water, and died on the fifth day. _ Some nights
after this, when we came we found the body. _ I wish some City
" buck " could be made to endure a tithe of my Sire's sufferings.

A Fokest Fawn.

THE DISESTABLISHED DIARY.

Coming Extracts from—According to the Prophets.

Toted last night for the third reading of the " Church of England
Disestablishment and Disendowment Bill." Scene in the House
exciting. Great anxiety as to what line the G. 0. M. would take at
the last moment. When he rose, it was known that the majority was
safe, if not overwhelming, and upon Haecotjkt whispering this to
him, he determined on his course. Peroration magnificent. " What
was," he said, " but a few short months ago looming vaguely in the
dim and distant future has suddenly burst upon us, luminous and
clear in the distinct and pressing present." Then he beat round
beautifully and acknowledging the magnitude of the responsibility,
confessed himself quite willing to accept it. He closed amid ringing
cheers. The result, a majority of 136. So that question is settled for
good and aye. On my way home, threw a brickbat through the
Yicar's study-window, just to celebrate the event, and give him a
foretaste of to-morrow's news.

******

Controversy still hot as to the best way of appropriating the surplus
of the two hundred and fifty millions realised by the sale of Church
property. "The National and Educational Music Halls for the
People " scheme, with free drink up to sixpence, and admission gratis,
seems not half-bad, and as a chastening progressive social factor
ought to work well. Might be amended, perhaps, in Committee.
******

Being Sunday, looked in this afternoon into Westminster Abbey,
to see how the old place strikes one under its new conditions. Effect
curious at first. Little tea and coffee-tables in rows right away up
the nave strike one as quaint and almost out of place, but the eye
soon grows familiar with them. Building fairly full of loungers.
Has been leased for three years to the " Westminster Intellectual
Sunday Improvement League," and they are apparently trying a
tentative and not altogether unattractive programme. When I
looked in, somebody with a stick was lecturing from the pulpit on
the habits of the Megatherium, illustrated by diagrams let down in
front of the screen. People not very much interested. The whole
entertainment enlivened by occasional performances on the organ of
Old English Airs and selections from popular Comic Operas, the latter,
when recognised, being accompanied by the audience. On coming
out, found the Dean, surrounded by one or two Minor Canons, holding
forth to a laTge but decently-behaved mob on the iniquity of the
whole thing, within the railings of the enclosure. He appeared to be
denouncing the League, and sending round his hat for half-pence.
General attitude of the public apathetio. Took St. Paul's on my way
home. Heard a bit of a discourse from a popular Atheist. It did
not seem to go down. Benches pretty well empty. Thought I saw
Liddon behind a column taking notes, so perhaps he will reply in a
letter to to-morrow's Times. Shall look out.

******

Disturbances of dispossessed Country Clergy appear to continue.
Meeting of several thousand at Stoke Pogis, under the presidency sf
a Rural Dean, to protest against "the confiscation of the sacred
fabrics," dispersed, after the reading of the Riot Act by the local
military. Suppose something ought to be done for them. But
what ? Great dissatisfaction expressed by agricultural poor at the
disappearance of the coal, blanket, clothing, and benefit clubs that
have vanished everywhere with the country vicars and their wives.
They don't seem to accept the National Country Inquiry Committee's
Agent as an equivalent, although, on investigation, he is empowered
to render temporary assistance in extreme cases of necessity, when
he meets with them. The abolishing of the Country Clergy has
undoubtedly opened up a perplexing problem for solution.

******

Things seem to be going very hard with Church dignitaries. Was
much shocked this morning to see a bevy of Bishops, in their worn-
out aprons and battered shovel-hats, parading the street, and joining
in the chorus, " We've got no work to do." I sent them out a loaf
of bread and a shilling, aud they seemed, poor fellows ! quite grate-
ful. Really, if I had fully taken in all the dire consequences of
Disestablishment, I do not think I should have voted for it. How-
ever, what is done is done, and there's no help for it. But it is a
sad thing to think those Bishops will, in all probability, come on to
the rates. Such a future is indeed dim, but, I fear, not distant!

Some Fruits.

[The St. James's Gazette says that nothiag more is now demanded than
that there should be a thorough overhauling of the fruits of Free Trade."]

" Feuits ? Those of Protection would speedily come,

And their nature all men in advance may divine:
The Capitalist might make sure of a "plum,"

But the fruit for the Poor would be " pine."

vox.. LIJXII.