Punch (89.1885)

December 5, 1885.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVA.RT.

265

TEADE-MAEKS FOE WELL-KNOWN PTJBLISHEES.

(Designed by Dumb-Crambo Junior.)

Longman.

Blackie.

Bentley.

EOBERT DECIDES HOW TO WOTE.

I am a woter of the ^independent Burrow of Sum Paneras, who,
Brown tells me, was the inwenter of Pancakes—wenee his name. In
that onerable capacity I have, for the larst three munee, been the
hobjec of the constant atention of two of the most onerablest gents in
all our distinguished sanitory W.C. district. The numbers of werry
long letters and pamphlets, and bils and edresses, has kep us all in
waste paper and innercent ermusement for the hole time, wile the
portrates and picters of the two Gents, and their goings on, has
quite deckorated wot I calls my Studdy, tho' it's really ony my
Bed-room, coz I does all my riting there nice and kerreyct.

The first Gent is, I bleeve, from his welthy name, a Ebrew, and,
judgin from his Picter, a remarkable andsum man, xcep for a werry
remarkerbel sqwint in the left eye, witch gives him the look of
always a winkin of it,wich of course in a married man with a bootiful
wife, as I'm told as he's got, is not quite commyfo, as the f rench says.
He seems to be a regler staggerer for Eddicashun, wieh is a pint as
don't hold mutch for me ; but he cums out like a reel nobbleman as
regards the Poor, and gos in a regler buster for impruvin their
mizzerable omes, and trying to make 'em jest a little more comfur-
abel and appy, pore fellers, speshelly pore women, and, speshallest of
all, pore children! Ah, we've had plenty of tork and plenty of
premisses lately, shoals on em, oshans on em; but a pore umbel
"Waiter wenturs to add jist one word of adwice, and only one—let all
jine together to better the lives of the werry Pore, or they '11 all jine
together one of these days to wusser the lives of the werry Rich.

But this buy the whey as the Milkman said.

Our second Candid Date is sumthink like a Swell! He sent me a
grate big Picter with his own face in the middle a smilin away at
the world in gineral and the Burrow of Sum Paneras in pertickler,
and all round it xampels of the highly Lordable way in witch he
passes his time and spends his money. Fust you sees him a pattin
of his bootiful Race Orse as is a going for to win the nex Darby (may
I be there to see). Then you sees him on his favrit unter a follerin
the ounds. Then you has him a nockin down the Fezzants with
his dubble barreld rifle. Then you cums upon him a drivin his fore
horse Drag jest like a reel Nobble'em. And thsn, to crown all, you
sees him in his own umbel home, most helegently furnisht, a neelin
down on the bootiful carpet, regardless of spiling it, a playing at
horses with all his lovelv childeren. The contrast between the heger
sportsman among the Fezzants, and the appy Parient a neelin on
the bootiful carpet among his helegant orffspring, is most hartistic,
and amost drawed tears from Mrs. Robert's eyes.

The nex thing as I had from'him was a little book in which I
acshally red reel letters from Lord Sorlsbury and Lord Iddiotsly
and that owdashus Lord Random, all a sayin as praps the one
thing in which they all most artily agreed was, that one of the most
important things as could be dun to save the Country was to wote
for their frend ! Ah, he must ha bin a appy man, the day as them
flattrin letters cum, and he probberbly had another game on the
lovely carpet with his deer hinfents jest to blow off the steam of
egsitement as it were, and then went out the nex morning and[had a
good run with the ounds in the briling sun of Orgust.

Then I had an edress, in witch among other little matters he pro-
mist that everyboddy shood always be nice off and cumferabel if we
did but send him to Parlyment, and furder, that everyboddy as
wanted work shood alius have as mutch as he wanted and be paid
jolly good wages for it, and as that is just about the sort of thing as
wood suit my book, I think as I shall suttenly wote for my
number 2. Robebt.

THE NEW HOUSE OE COMMONS.

Unauthorised Edition.

Anybody, Viscount. Eldest son of the Earl of Pocketborotoh.
Born 1864. Educated at Eton. A Lieutenant and Captain in the
Welsh Guards. Conservative. Part proprietor of the Frailty
Theatre. A patron of the Drama. Beyond supporting the Party
to which he belongs, has no political views, save favouring a re-
vision of the regulations affecting Queen's Plates at race meetings.
Sits for Pocketborough.

Busyboy, Benjamin-. Educated at the Foundling Hospital.
Born 1815. At the age of ten swept out the office of Messrs. Money,
Bullion & Co., of which firm he subsequently became messenger,
clerk, manager, and partner. Father-in-Law to the Marquis of
Mudveins, who married his elder daughter in 1883. (Divorced
1884.) Is a Tory. Objects to the Social Improvement of the Poor,
and the School-Board. Rate. A Magistrate for three counties.
Represents the Eastern Division of Sheepshire.

Curfew, Marquis of. Eldest son of the Duke of Doomsdaybooke.
Born 1860. Educated at Westminster, and Christ Church, Oxford.
Author of "A Trip Round the World," " Cromwell, and other
Poems," and the libretto of " Whack-de-fol, the Weteran," Comic
Opera, in Three Acts. Member of the Marlborough, Garrick, and
Junior Scribblers' Club. Objects to the House of Lords, Primogeni-
ture, and the union of Church and State. Sat for Feudalborough
in the last Parliament as a Conservative. Now represents the same
Constituency, in the Radical interest.

Kosts, Collard. A son of the late — Kosts, Esq.. an Officer in the
service of the Sheriffs of Middlesex. Born about 1836. Educated at
the Bethnal Green Grammar School. A Solicitor. Author of Bank-
ruptcy and its Advantages, a pamphlet (read as a paper before the
Incorporated Law Society) entitled Reflections on a Proposed Pawn-
brokers' Act, Foreclosure and its Uses, and the article upon " Sixty
per Cent." in the Eneyclopcedia Britannica, Liberal. Objpots to
Vivisection, Vaccination, and the increased Licensing of Public-
houses. Founder of the Paupers' Bank and Infants' Save-all Asso-
ciation. Managing Director of the Widows' Mite Collection Com-
pany, Limited. Is unmarried. Represents Cloddineton.

Turtle, Alderman Sir Greenfat. Born about 1820. Is a member
of the firm of Turtle, Greenfat, Son. and Turtle, Importers.
Has served as Sheriff and Lord Mayor. Knighted on the occasion of
the Queen driving through the Victoria Park on her way to the
East London Museum. Is a Liberal Conservative. Is opposed to
any change in the London Municipality. Honorary Colonel of the
9tn Administrative Battalion of the Middleshire Rifle Volunteers.
Founder of the Middleshire Infirmary, the Middleshire County
Hospital, and the Middleshire Working-man's Club. Sits for the
jSTorth-by-Eastern Division of Middleshire.

Zulljvan, Patrick, commonly called " The Shaugraun." Born
in Dublin of Irish parents, but is an Englishman. Descended from all
the Irish Kings. Educated in various places. In early life a clerk in a
Government Office, owing his appointment to the late Mr. Dan.
O'Connell. Is a supporter of Mr. Parnell. Is in favour of
making Ballyragg the Post Town for all the Government Mails, and
subsidising the Town Council to enable them to inaugurate various
municipal improvements. _ Tried in Brussels for having shot his
uncle in a duel, but acquitted on the score of extenuating circum-
stances. In favour of the Repeal of the Union. Author and
Composer of the song " Here's to the Queen ! " Sits for Ballvragg.

Poos Mr. Osbobne Morgan I—We sincerely congratulate him on
his esca.pe last Tuesday. Some scoundrels had plotted to take the
linch-pin out of his carriage, but they were discovered in time,
and so he wasn't lineh-pinned. The acoount of his providential
esoape Mr. Morgan tells to the people of Rhosllanerchrugog, Ruabon.
Good"gracious, us! Why the name of such a place is enough to
upset a coach without taking out a linch-pin.

vol, lxijix.