Punch: Punch (89.1885)

38

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[July 25, 1885.

IN A HAMMOCK.

Oh, sweet 'tis to swings in a Hammock 'neath trees,
And feel the soft breath of the Summer's light breeze,
With a jug: to dip into or not, as you please,

Where claret and soda oommingle ;

Tou 'ye got a oigar, how it soothes, 'twixt your Hps,
And round you an angel in petticoats trips,

And pops in the lemon, omitting the pips,

Till you 're sad at the thought you are single.

When Horace, in old days, exclaimed to his boy,

That linden-bound ehaplets oould give him no joy,
I should think not, indeed, what a singular toy,

And bid him look out for no roses ;

He never had known of a Hammock, I '11 swear,
Or he'd surely have mentioned the faot, to declare
How well he could swing in all luxury there,
'Mid pleasant Yenusian posies.

Tou feel quite at rest, though the world has been hard,
And you know that you 're not such a wonderful bard.
As you thought in your youth, e'er your brow had
grown scarred
By Time's irrepressible fingers ;

And you idly reflect on some more foolish verse,

Soft sentiment mingled with epigram terse,

That may win you applause and put tin in your purse,
Wherein it unfrequtntly lingers.

Then here's to the Hammock, and peace that it brings,
To him who in height of the summertime swings,
While the bird on the branch that hangs over him,
sings,

And the river runs on to the ocean;

I think that it would be most pleasant, don't you,

Just to lie at your ease all the long Summer through,
And to swing in a Hammook, with nothing to do,

Save rejoice in the exquisite motion.

CONSCIENTIOUSNESS.

" Well, and did you get the Stamps, Tommy, and stick them on, and
Post the Letter, as I told you?" "Yes, Mummy!"

"And count the Change carefully, and bring it back?"
" Yes, Mummy, here it is—I've brought it back in Toffeb I "

Earnest in Jest.

"A Fowler is not of much use without a net."
observed Lord Salisbury, with a twinkle in his right
eye. " So I will make him a net."

"Tou!" exclaimed the Earl of Idsleish, waking
up. " You make a net for a Fowler! What sort ? "

The twinkle twinkled strongly in the Premier's eye
as he replied,—" I shall make him a Baro-net." Then
the noble Earl saw the joke, and wept heartily.

OH, THE JOY OF IT!

Mb. Dresser Rogers, who, from his suggestive facility of expres-
sion, might be in future very reasonably styled, Mr. Addresser
Rogers, on congratulating the Lord Mayor the other day on his
reception of a Baronetcy from the hands of Her Most Gracious
Majesty, expressed, together with many others, a hearty wish that
his Lordship "might enjoy it." The phrase is a happy one, for it
seems to add. quite an unexpected zest to the possession of the honour
in question. " How to Enjoy a Baronetcy ? " is a question that very
few newly-oreated Baronets can ever have asked themselves ; and it
would be quite worth some enterprising person's while to give it a
practical answer in the shape of a little shilling volume. As dienities
have been falling rather thick of late, "A Hundred Ways of Enjoy-
ing a Baronetcy " at the price named could not fail to sell. Nor
would the Author's task be difficult. The subject is full of sugges-
tiveness. Indeed, there appears to be, when the matter is examined,
a vast amount of quiet enjoyment to be got out of the mere_ fact of
being a Baronet. There is the pleasure of suddenly springing the
title on an unprepared hotel-keeper, and watching his subsequent
obsequious ambles. It must be, too, an agret able sensation to drop
a dozen or so of your visiting oards on a orowded railway platform,
and then have them all returned to you singly, accompanied by
a cringing bow or awe-struck and respeottul stare. It must be
even a refreshing experience, when quite alooe, to lie dreamilv on
your back on a lawn, and say to yourself, " Hang it, this is jolly !
Why, bless me, if I'm not a real live Baronet! "

But there is no need to oontinue the list of the whole series
of enjoyments that are to be got out of a Baronetcy adroitly held
in this fashion. Pleasures present themselves on all sides. Even
a street row, ending in a summons and a Polioe report the next
morning, has its agreeable p»ints. Mr. Dresser Rogers deserves
the thanks of every newly-honoured member of the community.
He has put a perpetual Rosherville within the grasp of even the
gloomiest new Peer.

ON A NATAL COMMITTEE.

Should Courtney, Jackson, Gray, and Bruce
Not prove themselves of any use,

And Rtlands, coupled ofi with Goschen,
But merely serve to rhyme with " ocean,"—
'Tig well, to help them at a halt,

That they oan boast one real Salt.

THE ROYAL WEDDING.

(From an Evidently Ignorant Correspondent.

Sir,—I see by the papers that the Wedding of Princess Beatrice is
not to be a State Ceremonial. There are to be " three oarriage
processions," employing on the whole about eighteen carriages. The
Master of the Horse—fancy only one horse, " the Horse," for the
whole lot!—will be much exercised, and, by the way, so will " the
horse." But what bothers me, Sir, is these three carriage precessions,
at least eighteen carriages, and only one horse! I can't get over it;
no more will the horse. And suppose that horse, of which Lord
Bradford is "the newlv-appoinitd master," is laid up! What
then ? Will they all walk, or go in donkey-chaises, at so muoh an
hour ? They couldn't fit into goat-chaises, or they'd get these at a
low figure. I have never visited the Royal Stables which, I believe,
are well worth seeing, but if there's only one horse, all the stalls,
except one, must be empty, unless, like stalls in a theatre during
a run of bad business, they are tilled with dead-heads or dummies.
Will no one ask a question in Parliament as to the salary of the
Master of the Horse—poor horse, I do pity him !—and whether the
country couldn't afford another, or indeed several more for this
particular occasion ? I shall be there to see and to oheer the
Prinoess and her spouse, even though they be in a one-horse shay.

Tours, A Littli Ryde in tie Isle or Wight.