Punch: Punch (89.1885)

August 22, 1885.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

ROBERT ON THE RIVER.

Having found dear old Streetley such a
reglar pairodice of a place last year, I
iiatrally sort its cool seekwestwed stream
for annother weak's rapshur this here year.
Not as I ackshally went down there on
speck. Noing how full it ginerally is, I
rites down to a old frend of mine at the
" Bull," to no if there was room for us, and
his anser was, "No, Robebt, not for no-
hoddy, for wen a littel Baby was bom last
week, Docter said as he didn't no where
they coud put it, the place was so full, and
as bad lack wood have it, it was Twins ! "

Howsumever, I mussent complain, for,
as Bbown trewly says, a man shood see as
much of the world as posserbel, it inlarges
his high dears and rubs off his little prejew-
dishes, so faling dear old Streetley we 'ye
got to gentlemanly Marlow—Great Mar-
low, please, not little Marlow—and a Hed
Waiter as ain't pleased with Marlow must
be as ard to please as we find many a gent
is as gets a grand dinner without paying
nothink for it, and yet grumbtls and
growls at everythink.

Marlow seems to have got everythink as
any reesonabel olliday maker can want to
make him appy. It's got a Bridge, and a
Church, and a Tea gardens, and a Abby,
and a Shop where you can buy a Bottel of
Wine for Is. 3d.— witch altho it doesn't suit
me may posserbly suit others, there's no
telling wot sum peeple won't drink if you
give it a forren name and say as the Q,ueen
offen haves it—and a Lock, where the Tems
Conservatifs only charges you 3d. for a
return ticket, that's cheap enuff I eposes,
and a Wear, that ain't of much use now,
coz it's Dangerous, but I dessay it was
wunce—and ewen wears must wear out sum
day or they woodn't be called such names—
and glorious Woods right up to the werry
tops of the mountanes, where, one of the
jolly yung watermen told me. as they grows
most of the timber for the British N avey,
witch I can esily beleeve as I seed many
trees amost as big round as I ham. He says
it's coz they grows so preshus slow as makes
the Second Lord of the Hadmiralty so long
a bilding the Ion Clads, and the reason why
they don't grow quicker is coz the soil is
all Marl oh I but I don't somhow phansy
as my young frend is strickly trewthful.
Boatmen is like Marines, they is much more
partickler in wot's told to them than in
wot they tells ito hothers. Then we has
lots of lovely Swons, as gracefull as dubble
skull yung ladys, but I ain't yet seen none
of them with 2 necks, so praps they all
keeps lower down at Bolter's Lock, witch
wood seem to be the nat'ral place for 'em.
My yung frend told me as there is a mith,
I think he called it, tho' I think I shood
call it even a shorter name, that formerly,
wen the monks at Bisham, close by, killed
some swans, they sent a cupple of 'em to a
Lord^ of the Manner about 4 miles off, to
Cook'em! but of coarse he didn't know as
he was a forking to a Hed Waiter ; much
a Lord wood know about cooking Swans !
Ue also had the imperance to say that, if I
wanted a change nex year, he thort that
Bray, or Monkey Hand, wood jest about
suit me. No more of my munney does that
Jewwenile waterman git out of me, so he '11

... . c^arf rayther a xpensif article.
„We ve got butiful rooms in the Hi
street, but we ain't got no number to our
ouse yet. They begun numbring of 'em
some time ago. They begun at No. 5 on
both sides of the way and went on to No. 18,
wen they stopt, but is xpected to go on agin
soon. The hole place is so scrowged that

REBATEMENT.

Old Lady (a little hard of hearing). "Eighteen Shillings! It's monstrous ! I know

the Value of these Articles, and never paid more than Seventeen "

Shopman (shouting). "I said Eight Shillings, Ma'am—not Eighteen."

Old Lady. "Oh—Eight Shillings—fob these? I couldn't think of giving moke

than seven-and-slxpence ! "

they turns their kitchings into dining-rooms, and our one bed-room goes up stares and then
down stares, and has a jolly little winder in the slopin roof thats quite emusing, hut theyre
a goin to build 6 more nex year, in the back garding.

We has one blessing at eny rate, we ain't got not no Wapses, such as so teazed our werry
lives out at Streetley larst year, and yet I ain't quite appy, for their plaice is taken by swarms
of ilys. Not the poor armless flys as we gits in Lundon, as is sattisfied with having a swim in
the milk, and then committin suecide in the butter or the treecal. 0 no, but a nasty buzzing
stingin fly as is alius a flying in your face and stickin on it and biting like a muskeeter as
I've herd on in warious parts. I wunders what use they is. Broavn says as theyre ment to
try your temper. If so, I'm sure they've tried mine enuff and can send in their report at
wunce and dun with it. We're werry lucky again as regards music. We has no less than
four pianys in the ouse, and wen 2 or 3 on 'em is a goin at wunce it's really werry emusin to
try and make out the Toon.

Wun thing surprises me a good deal. I did think from what I had herd that this wasn't a