Punch: Punch (89.1885)

August 22, 1885.] PUNCH, OR

THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

95

LOG OF THE "SUNBEAM."

Here I am at Greenhithe. Feel like " hardy Norse-
man." whose "house of yore was oil the foaming wave."
Andrew Clauk says I am " an 'oarse man, without my
voice." He means it well, as a joke, I think. Small
crowd assembled to see me off. _ Humorous local Radical
wishes me " sure profit and quick return" from voyage.
Want to make short speech—Andbew Clark (why is lie
here?) tells crowd that I've "entirely lost the use of
my voice." Andrew takes me by arm, and hustles .me
into boat.

On " Sunbeam."—Nice, but small. "Wonder if I shall
feel more sea-sick than on Pembroke Castle. Andrew
Clark says, " Yery likely," and reminds me of what an
" excessively bad sailor" lam. Wish, he wouldn't say
so in presence of crew.

Mouth of Thames.—Brassey says it's "blowing half
a gale outside." Then don't let's go outside. Brassey
says he won't. Anchors off Nore for night. If vessel
tosses like this when there's only half a gale and we 're in
Thames, sincerely hope I shall be preserved from a whole
gale in North Sea.

Cabin. — Luxuriously appointed Cabin. Thouehtful
of Lady Brassey to put handsomely bound copy of Voyage
of " Sunbeam" on my table. In glancing over it, see the
yacht has been to Honolulu. Why not go to Honolulu
now ? And escape General Election !

Speak to Steersman about it. How the ship does roll!
Steersman never heard of Honolulu. Andrew Clark
says I mustn't speak to the man at the wheel, and takes
me away.

Andrew orders me below—says too much sea-air bad
for my voice. They've put him (why on earth did
Brasset invite him ?) in cabin next door to mine. Heard
me last night denouncing Salisbury in my sleep, and
came in and woke me up, and told me I should " lose my
voice altogether if I went on in that way, and where
would Liberal Party be then ? " Argument cogent, but
unpleasant.

In North Sea.—Wish I were on dry land. How it
does pitch! Oh, for an hour of Downing Street now!
And to think of the " Stopgaps " enjoying themselves in
my vacant place!

Clark says " must not pursue these thoughts." Must
try and " forget politics." Well, then, why not go to
Honolulu p Brassey says " he doesn't mind." Andrew
very unpleasant—says " he's surprised at my indecision
and vacillation"—(remindsme of the Soudan debates)—
and " didn't I know when I started that we were bound
for coast of Norway ? "

Try to soften Andrew. Take him aside, and ask
him, as a personal favour, when we get to Norway, to put
me ashore on banks of some desolate Fiord, where I can
wander away, and be never heard of more.

Andrew says I mustn't talk any more, even to him,
and shuts me up in my cabin. Hate being shut up by
anyone. Very seldom happens.

Second Day Out.—Wish Brassey wouldn't always be
trying to explain all about " that little slip of the half-
million," as he calls it. Tells me it was Northbrook's
fault, really, and " it shan't occur again." Says, almost
Weeping, that he's bought a Colenso's Arithmetic, and
hopes to be able to add up Admiralty accounts quite nicely
by time our voyage ends.

Evening.—Regular humcane. Wonder if Brassey
knows how to make a raft ? Might do me good to go and
ask him. I will.

Find Brassey sitting on companion hatchway (not
quite sure of term, but sounds nautical), adding up some
figures on a slate. Says " he's been having a good cry."
Try to cheer him up by telling him a " good cry " is just
what is wanted for November Elections. Seems glad, to
see me, and says "he doesn't think he has quite explained
the real way in which that little slip of the half-million
happened." Retire hastily to cabin, and look myself in.

In Port, Someivhere in Denmark.—Thank heaven,
that's over! Denmark. Forgot to bring a Hamlet with
me. Hope I shall have a lot of hamlets with me when
I get back my voice. Feel more comfortable. Perhaps
Brassey was right in inviting Andrew Clark. Wouldn't
have done it myself. Proprose to Brassey to call on
King of Denmark, and coach him up on facts of
Penjdeh Arbitration business. Brassey suggests doing
it coming back. Says, as it's quite calm now, per-

A CANDID INQUIRER.

"I say, John, is there anything I haven't Tasted?'
" No, Sir, I think not—except "Water ! "

haps I would like to hear "exact state of the case about that little slip of
the half-million ? "

Make polite excuse, and hurry off to Andrew. Propose to him that we
should pop up Baltic and meet Czar in Finland somewhere. Andrew very cold
about it. Says " Czar won't care two straws about seeing us as, we haven't got
Tennyson on board," and gives me some new medicine to take. Nastier than
ever! Yes,—why on earth did Brassey ask Clark here ?

Speak to Brassey privately. Ask him to put Andrew in irons for a short
time. Brassey doesn't like to. What's the good of being a Sea-Lord, if you 're
afraid of a Doctor ? Andrew says, " Rather be a Se-mon—an able Semon—than
a Sea-Lord." Must say Semon did my throat lot of good. Andrew recommended
him. Nice of Andrew. Brassey, recurring to my remark about Sea-Lord,
says " he's not a Sea-Lord now," and adds that " he's really afraid I haven't

yet quite grasped the principle upon which that little slip "

Escape to masthead. Spend first happy time on board over perusal of pocket
edition of Gleanings. . ,

Near Norway.—Much better. Take opportunity (when Andrew Clark gone
on shore) to sound Ship's-Cook on how he intends voting in November. Says he
"hain't made up his mind yet." What will decide him I ask? He replies,
"It's according as his Skipper tells him to wote," and winks. Give him copy of
Corrupt Practices Act, ana make short address to Sailors generally on duty of
voting for Liberals. Steersman comes down to listen, and vessel nearly wrecked.
Brassey very angry. Soothe him by saying that the error about the half-million
" is of no consequence." Brassey seems immensely relieved.

Andrew come on board. "Then comes my lit again ! " Tell him I've made a
speech to Sailors, and try to make him take humorous view of the matter by
calling it a " feat on the fiord." Andrew threatens to " turn Tory " if I do this
sort of thing again, and says he won't be responsible for consequences. Well,
he '11 have greater freedom if he has less_ responsibility, I tell him.

After a Week's Cruising.—Feel quite_ myself again ! Hurrah ! Asked
Brassey why Tory Party is like an Irishman who takes farm of evicted
tenant? "Because it wants Protection." Riddle poor, but shows I'm
better. Wire to Chamberlain that my "vocal powers quite restored."
He wires back that in that case our Party will soon be " restored to
power," and " will I give'em another Midlothian campaign?" Think on the
whole that I will.

[And, let us hope his health will be equal to it.