Punch: Punch (89.1885)

September 12, 1885.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

125

LONDON IN SEPTEMBER.

[By a Country Farmer—New Style.)

My Dear "W ife,

I am very glad I did not bring you up to this "awful big
plaoe " (as the man calls it in the play), as you wished. You see, my
angel, you could not be spared from home. How would the girls
have got on without you superintending their singing lessons, to say
nothing of it being bad form to be away on your " day " ? Then, as
I am a Conservative, and love old customs, I like to think of you
following the tradition of my Grandmother, and pretending (she was
in earnest, the quaint old soul!) to take an interest in the pigs. Ah!
how I do envy you your quiet country life !

"Well, no doubt, you will want to know what I have been doing
while I have been here. Improving my mind, my dear girl,—
improving my mind. Would it cause you surprise if I were to tell
you that I had been to the Museum in Jermyn Street, the Diploma
Gallery at the Royal Academy, and the Crypt of St. Paul's Cathe-
dral ? Yes, it would. And if it surprised you. my life, it would
surprise me even more. No, Tory as I am, I still must march with
the times, and so most of my days have been spent in selecting and
purchasing ^Esthetic furniture. The drawing-room at the Farm is
sadly Philistine. I have picked up too some very nice Japanese
hangings for your boudoir.

And how have I spent my evenings ? And now I know my move-
ments will meet with your approval. Instead of visiting the theatre
and the music-hall, I have, country-fashion, passed the night in the
open air. Certainly, I have seen the Great Pink Pearl at the
Prince's, a capital bit of fooling, and the Silver Shield at the Comedy,
a piece that deserved success if it did not obtain it; and once again
I have assisted at a splendid spectacle at Her Majesty's. But what
of that ? Although for an hour or two I might have trifled with the
Drama, my heart has been true to Science and South Kensington.
I have already told you of the very interesting contents of the Inter-
national Inventions Exhibition. You will remember how I have
explained to you the various exhibits—with the assistance of the
Guide-Book.

But although the Inventions are interesting, I felt that I must not
neglect the "Second Division—Music," and accordingly spent the

Advance of the British Army at South Kensington.

other evening in listening to the performance of the British Army
Quadrille. It certainly was very grand, although I must say that the
march of the Bands was rather impeded by the dense audience.
You would really be astonished at the number of people who use the
grounds at South Kensington—I do verily believe that the gardens
there are nearly as popular as the Galleries !

As I had enjoyed a specimen of English Music at South Kensington,
I thought it only fair to go to Battersea Park to test the quality of
the Foreigners. You must know there is a place called the Albert
Palace which (like the Royal Westminster Aquarium) has been
erected to commemorate the virtues of the late Prince Consort of
pious memory. I am told by a London friend, that all the places
associated with the glorious name of " ALBEBTthe Good," sooner or
later drift into weak copies of Cremorne. The Scientific Institution
m Battersea Park is highly respectable, no less a person than Alder-
man Sir Robert Cabden (who was, so I am told by the same London
friend, a dashing subaltern of infantry in his youth) being the Chair-
man. The gallant Alderman has got together an orchestra composed
entirely of lady artistes, from Vienna. It must have caused Sir
Robebt an enormous amount of trouble to have selected so olever and

comely a troupe. But the.result is'most pleasing, the more especially,
as the musicians are rather ornamental than useful. They play very
nicely, but a great deal of the hard work (such as blowing the wind

The Ladies' Orchestra at Battersea. (Back View.)

instruments, playing the biggest of the drums, &c.) is done in the
background by men hidden behind a screen of skirts. I fancy this
quaint idea originated in the fertile brain of that very old Soldier
"dear Sir Robebt," as I understand the veteran Alderman is called
by the light-hearted female stall-keepers at Battersea.

Finally, with a view to testing the amusements of our country, I
accepted an invitation to dine with friends at the Crystal Palace on a
Saturday, with Military Band and Illuminations " to follow." The

Enjoying Illuminations at Sydenham. (Front View.)

dinner was so particularly good that I dispensed with the second part
of the programme, and spent my time instead in smoking, "dessert"-
ing, and studying the menu. You know how bad our cook is—I
think when I return I shall be able to give her a few wrinkles. I feel
sure the Illuminations and Band must have been magnificent!

From this account of my days and nights you will see how dull my
life is in town, and how I must miss you. With very best love, and
kisses to the children, Always your most afieotionate husband,

The Grand Hotel. (Signed) John be Barleycorns.

(First Floor).

The Two Voices.

'Tis the voice of our William,—" I must not complain
If my throat, after fifty long years of such strain,

Its former full power should fail to regain."

'Tis the voice of his Punch,—Rooev-too! Be of cheer!
We have need of that wonderful Vox strong and clear,

As we all hope to hear it for many a year! "

" many happy returns."

Most people have heard of " Chevbeul on Colour." Everybody
will be happy to hear of colour on Chevbeux, in the shape of rosy
cheeks and evergreen energy, though the French savant is now a
flon+.PTiflrifln. Tinno1 mn.v lio oATifi-mm a 14 Mail of Colour" in

Centenarian. Long may he continue to be a
both senses.