Punch: Punch (89.1885)

142

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 19, 1885.

VESTMENTS !

(Our New Incumbent was disposed to be "High.")

Younger Countryman. " I zay, Gearoe, what wur that Parson had acrost his
Shouddebs 'Sunday ? 'Looked like some o' his Wife's things."

Elder Countryman. "'Ca-ant zay 'm zhewer. I heered tjn zay a wur 'Stole'"
Younger Countryman. " Stole ! Na, na ; I wouldn' think that o' 'Parson ! More
like some o' these 'ere new 'Arvest Diok'rations ! ! "

A SHOT IN THE DAEK.

In Ms evidence given before the Committee on Building and Repairing Ships, the late
Director of Naval Construction' has not much encouraging news for those who are looking
hopefully to some signs of progress in the Ordnance Department:—

" "We may," (says this candid official) " design a ship for what we call a 40-ton gun. "We do not know
what a 40-ton gun is ; we do not know its charge; we do not know its projectile ; we do not know its
length ; we do not know its energy of recoil, although we have to take it up. All our ships are designed
for an unknown gun. Beyond the knowledge that it will weigh about 40 tons, we know nothing, and we
have to wait for years before we do know."

This confession of absolute ignorance is not encouraging, yet, at the same time, there is a

plain-spoken ring about it that promises for
the future. It is something to have it on
such excellent authority, that for all intents
and purposes, one arm of the service is
working practically without any relation to
the other, and that while "Woolwich is
turning out a " 40-ton gun," Portsmouth
has not the remotest idea what that appa-
rently vaguely constructed weapon is like.
When the latter emporium boldly confesses
that all its ships are designed for "an
unknown gun," and in fact, inthelauguage
of the Laureate, roundly says, concerning
its own special business,

" Behold, we know not anything !"

it is high time that some one looked into
the matter, and such appears to be the
opinion of the late Director of Naval Con-
struction himself. That " we shall have to
wait years," as he suggests in a melanoholy
vein, "before we do know," may, however,
be doubted, in the face of recent revelations.
The new Armour-clad about to be laid down
at Portsmouth will probably be designed to
hold a gun about which the Constructors
will have been furnished with some pre-
liminary particulars. After the admission
of their late Director, it is to be expected
that their own energy of recoil will be equal
to the task not only of taking the new gun
up, but also to making themselves judici-
ously acquainted with its length, the
amount of its charge, and even with the
character of its projectile.

"READY, AT READY!"

The following bon mot, a propos of the
German and Spanish difficulty, " that has
been going the round of Berlin," deserves,
so says the Correspondent of the Times, "to
be mentioned," and he furnishes it accord-
ingly. Here it is:—

" 'Avez-vous requ des nouvelles des Carolines V
inquired a member of the Telegraphic Conference
the other evening of the Postmaster-General at a
social gathering. ' Du tout,' replied his Excel-
lency Herr von Stephan, with ready wit, ' Du
tout; mats bien de nouvelles Carolines. Voild !
essayons !' as he offered his interlocutor a box
of the best Havannah brand, amid the applause
of the bystanders."

The story is, of course, excellent, and the
wit remarkably ready; and the applause of
the bystanders, who must have been
literally convulsed with laughter at this
brilliant and remarkable outburst of His
Excellency Herr Yon Stephan, intelligible
enough. But what a pity that the humour
is so limited in the matter of quantity 1
Evidently, when such a sally could be
launched ofE-hand—and the above shows
no signs of previous preparation—satire may
have been said to be in the very air. In
fact, a whole heap of good things must have
been flying about the other evening at the
Postmaster-General's social gathering.

Indeed one can only regret that the wary
Correspondent who is responsible for the
publicity accorded to this particular Ion
mot, did not keep his ears wider open, and
chronicle his experience. Had he done so,
all lovers of light-hearted mirth, tinged
with point and delicacy, would, to judge
from the single specimen that has reached
them, have had indeed quite a rare treat.
They ought certainly to look out eagerly for
the next good thing that is considered good
enough " to go the round of Berlin."

New (Spanish) Version of an Old
Proverb.—" Yap may be a good dog, but
Hold-fast is a better."