Punch (89.1885)

170

PUNCH, Oft THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 10, 1885

AN INQUIRING MIND.

"Is this our Train, Aunty?" "No, dead." "Whose Tiiain is it?"

anoe that I saw what your young man meant by " overflowing audiences." The
audience overflowed again when little Dick died, and even I wiped away a tear
from my opera-glass and blew my nose loudly. I had a warm heart and a bad
cold that night, and when a scene of almost " infinite pathos " presents itself, I
am but Tours truly, Soft Nibbs.

THE KIVAL UMBRELLAS.

Mrs. Gamp's Cotjnter-Manieesto. Sairey loquitur:—

Drat that Rosebery's imperence, I says—a intriguing, Paul-Prying^ young fella,
With his rubbidge and roundaboutation consarnin' the Grand Old Umbrella!
Wieh there ain't ony one, and that's Sairey's, did ought to be called by that name,
And to take it in wain, like he's doin', 's a sin and a scandaludge shame !

Umbrella indeed! Why old Sairey, for many and many a year,

Has borne hern aloft, and its flouridge has filled England's foemen with fear.

And now they would set up a rival, a bage imitasbun no doubt,

Along o' that Gladsting, whose gingham we all on us hoped was wore out.

But it seema as he's got it re-covered, patched up, I persume, once again.
'Cos his lot is all out in the cold, and a shelter require from the rain.

And so the ramshackle old brolly is histed above 'em once more,

And they 're runnin' like rats to a 'aystack away from the pelt and the pour.

Yah! 'Brellas is 'Brellas, and Sairey's is puflick from ferrule to knob,

Wich its ribs is as good for a " whack" as its pint for a " prod " or a "job ; "
Oh, many's the heads it has walloped, and many's the ribs it has dug !

Whilst as shelter for me and my Party, wot can be more 'andy and snug ?

Asa sword or a buckler for Bengy it flamed in the front of the fight.

He knowed its true wuth—bless his curls!—as was ever his Sairey's delight.
And now, even now—you arsk Churchill !—that 'Brella is well to the front,
A refuge in momenks of peril, a wepping in battle's wust brunt.

And yet this young Rosebery wenters—a nasty, howdashus young Earl!—
A newfangled rival to Sairey's Great Gingham to raige and unfurl.

Gr-r-r! next he will borrer my pattens, and. claim them for Gladsting, no doubt!
But the Country won't be so deceived, as knows fur too well wot it's about.

That Umbrella will be a Big Failure I Old Sairey is cocksure of that,

Though Rosebery cling to its 'andle, and Harcourt's new Radical hat,
All shiny, seek shelter beneath it; though Goschen and Chahberling jine
To praise it, the thing's a Sham-Abram, and simply not in it with Mine I

Mine, the true Old Original Gingham, the Giant Cos
Lettuce, the 'Brella.

Not Gladsting hisself, nor that " Primrose," nor any
sich bragian young fella,

Can match it in shape, size, or colour, in power of thump
or of thrust,

Its ferrule, which never gits blunted, its ribs, which
'ave never gone bust.

Woorroo ! How I long for the momenk when Gingham
to Gingham we meet;

When, ribiess, and pintless, and knobless, I see it lay
flop at my feet,

Asprawl like a bust-up balloon, all bedraggled and dirty
and damp,

That Lord Rosebery's " Grand Old Umbrella " smashed
up by the true Salrey Gamp !

THE COST OF A SIXPENNY TELEGRAM.

To sending a Telegram of twelve words.

Repeating same (half price) .

Messenger to inquire at Local Office
Return Message, necessitating Cab
Commissionnaire to St. Martin's-le-Grand
Cab fare (with waits) ....

Cab to a Solicitor

Consultation

Cab to General Post Office . . .

Messenger to Stock Exchange

Cab to Solicitor

Consultation

Counsel's Opinion

Incidental Expenses ....

Cab to Station

Special Train

Return Train (ordinary)....

Estimated loss by misunderstanding of ori-
ginal Message

Postage, Messengers," &c.

£

s.

d.

0

0

6

0

0

3

0

2

0

0

4

0

0

1

0

0

4

6

0

2

0

0

10

0

0

3

6

0

1

0

0

2

0

0

10

0

2

2

0

3

7

6

0

2

0

126

4 10

1 12

0

1247

8

10

5

0

0

Total

. 1387 11 11

SONG OF THE SIGNALMAN.

Aie.—" The Young May Moon."

The rain through the night is streaming, love,
The signal lamps are gleaming, love,

I 'must keep on the move,

Or this somnolent cove
Would soon be asleep and a-dreaming, love !
So awake!—the Express is in sight, my dear,
1 've been at it since dawning of light, my dear,
For one of the ways
By which Railwaydom pays,

Is lo keep us at work day and night, my dear!

You, and most people, now are sleeping, love,
But my watch, in my box, I am keeping, love,
For the red or green star
I must note from afar,

Though the sleep 'neath my eyelids is creeping, love.
I've been working since rise of sun, my dear,
Fourteen hours, and I'm not yet done, my dear.
Oh, to wateh day and night
For the signal light
Is—Directors think—capital fun, my dear!

SOMETHING TO READ.

Among several pleasantly written and instructive
articles in the Fortnightly for the month, such as Cheap
Telegrams, by Charles Cameron, M.P., The State of
the Turf, by Captain Hawley Smart—a title which
suggests the use of a hose and a garden-roller after a
broiling summer-time—and The London Stock Exchange,
by Henry May—his " quotations " being specially inte-
resting—are views From Three Platforms, by Hon. R.
B. Brett, M.P., Edward Dicey, and Henry Labou-
chere, M.P., which are well worth reading, especially,
as may be imagined, the last.

Mr. Labouchere's ideal foreign policy may be