Punch (89.1885)

302

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 26, 1885.

IN THE CHRISTMAS HAMPER.

For the Three Emperors.—The Three-Card Trick, neatly packed
in a box, -with directions for performing the same.

King Milan of Servia.—A brand new Field-Marshal's Uniform,
padded with metal throughout, and shilling Handbook of Retreat.

Prince Alexander of Bulgaria.—Christmas edition of A Short
Way with the Powers, and pair of Russian Epaulettes in case
returned through post from St. Petersburgh.

M. Grevy.—Box of Bonbons, labelled "Presidential Majority."

Mr. Gladstone.—Copy, embellished with illuminated revelations
of Secret Agreement made with Mr. Pahnell.

Mr. Parnell.—Great Stal of the Irish Rtpublio (plated), in oase
complete, from New York.

Lord Salisbury.—Bottle of " Holdfast" Glue.

Lord Randolph Churchill.— Sack of Burmah rice, with receipt for
cooking the same d la minute.

Lord Ilartington.—Box containing pipe and pieoe of Radical Soap,
for blowing bubbles, labelled " a present from Birmingham."

Sir William Har court.—" Stewing in its own Juice" popular air
arranged as solo for his own trumpet.

Sir Charles Dilke.—Round Robin of Thanks from Members of the
present Government for promise of kindly approval and general sup-
port.

Mr. Chamberlain.—Children's Toy-book, profusely illustrated,
containing The Humorous History of Three Acres and a Cow, and
What Came of Them.

Mr. Howorth.—Explanatory key to his recent Fair Trade Puzzles
contributed to the Times newspaper.

Colonel Henderson.—A Metropolitan Retriever, un-muzzled, pur-
chased at the Dogs' Home, and presented by a Committee of . Angry
Correspondents.

THE REVERIE, OF A POOR SQUEEZED 'UN.

(See Wordsworth's "Reverie of Poor Susan")

At the East end of Paul's, there's a plot that's for sale ;
And the Press sings out, " Buy it!"—the cry's somewhat stale.
The Londoner, hustled and crowded, can tell
How narrow the roadway, the pavement as well.

His fancy runs riot! What ails him ? He sees
A Boulevard appearing, all shaded by trees ;

With ease and with comfort the 'busses now glide
From Cannon Street corner to busy Cheapside !

A road, " wide as Holborn," allows him to view
The Cathedral uprising in dignity new;

And a fine open space lets the oxygen roam
Where school-boys and merchants once boasted a home.

He looks, and his joy grows intense ! But they fade—
The visions of elbow-room, Boulevard, and shade ;

And the spaoe will be speedily built on, unless
To the cry of, " Oh, buy it! " the City says, " Yes."

ANNALS OF A QUIET NEIGHBOURHOOD.

Suburban Belle. "How delightful it must be to spend Christmas in a
great Country House—like Stilton Grange, for instance."

Delightful Stranger (from London). "Yaas. Br the bye, Hbr Grace of
Stilton has just written to say she expects Me there for Christmas
Week. S'pose I shall have to go !"

Suburban Belle. "Won't you find it rather Lonely ?"

Delightful Stranger. "Lonely! A—why?"

Suburban Belle. "Because I saw in to-day's Morning Post that the
Duke and Duchess and Family are not expected back from Australia
before February!" [Collapse of Delightful Stranger.

PAPER-KNIFE POEMS.

" How can I e'er forget,"—if I'm provided with

The diaries, tablets, pocket-books of Messrs. T. J. Smith ?

George Falkner's cards we praise. Yes, we remember,
Too early they appeared, 'twas last September.

You'll delighted be with the Scent Fountains'of Smith,

They '11 draw lots of Christmas attackers !

And each girl and each boy will find infinite joy—

In Cremer's delightful Toy Crackers !

But the hand-painted glass 'twould be hard to surpass—

The work of the skilled Spagnoletti.

While famed Schipper & Co. have a marvellous show,

Of Christmas Cards dainty and pretty!

There is Albert Marx, too, you '11 be glad to look through

His choice and his varied collection:

You '11 be puzzled to choose from the studies and views

That Harding sends for your inspection.

Architectural tricks taught by neat Model Bricks—

Young builders, I'm certain that they would '

Ne'er one moment forget that they owe a deep debt

To Yacher, and. likewise John Heywood 1
There is Red Riding Hood—baby's opera good,

By Andre—composed by De Solla :

'Tis well suited, I ween, for each small lyric queen,
Named Winnie, or Daisy, or Dolla !

A DIRECTORIAL HORNPIPE.

Air—"Jack Robinson."

The worries and the flurries of a search are past,

When two rubicund volumes arrive at last!

You '11 find anything you like when your eyes are cast

O'er the Post Office London Directoree .'

There are streets, there are suburbs, and shops and squares,
There are magistrates, masons, and millionnaires,—
There are sellers of salt fish, of soap, and shares,

In the Post Office London Directoree !

There are scavengers, salesmen, and stevedores,'

There are bead-stringers, barbers, and banks, and bores,
And keepers of cows, and Co-operative Stores,

In our Post Office London Directoree J
It is printed and published by Relit & Co.—

'Tis full of information, and so you know,

To them a debt of gratitude we all must owe
For their Post Office London Directoree !

You may take up this book, but you can't put it down—
'Tis a wonderful guide to our wonderful town—

It tells us of Smith, of Jones, Robinson, and Beown,

Does the Post Office London Directoree !

It is bound in red, as you soon may see,

As works of ready reference are bound to be,

And bound to be well read 'tis clear enough to me,

Is the Post Office London Directoree !