Punch: Punch (75.1878)

September 28, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

It must be owned that his behaviour was very trying, and betrayed
a great deficiency in social tact.

For instance he would, unasked, insist on favouring the company
with long-forgotten comic songs (which had lost all point for the
present generation), and imitations of the actors of a hundred years
ago ; and the less Mrs. Speatt and her guests would laugh, the more
he would laugh himself, and the more he would persevere in trying
to merit their applause by further efforts in the same line.

Then he would chaff the page who brought in the tea, and inquire
of him if Sally the Cook were as good-looking as ever, and still
reciprocated his fond affection.

Or else he would hand his business cards to Viscounts and Guards-
men, and ask fine Ladies where they bought their hose, and volun-
teer to serve them with a superior article at Civil Service prices, to
be delivered at their own doors, carriage paid, and so forth.

At last a day came when he went just a little too far.

The Duke of Pentontille was at Mrs. Speatt's, alone; for so
stupendous were his Grace's rank and fashion, so advanced his age,
and so respected his character, that it was thought good form for
Viscounts and Guardsmen and such like humble Swells to make
themselves scarce when he came—nor did they presume to knock at
Mrs. Speatt's door when the Pentokville liveries were seen to be
waiting outside.

Jack's Grandfather, who was quite wanting in this particular kind
of delicacy, knocked at Mrs. Speatt's door without the slightest
diffidence, and entered the house, and walked straight into the
drawing-room after the fashion of Liston in Paul Pry, exclaiming,
"I hope I don't intrude! "

The Duke stared at him with cold surprise, and immediately
rose to take his leave. As he stooped, with old-fashioned courtesy,
to kiss Mrs. Speatt's lily-white hand (into which he had just
forced a costly trinket), the tail-pockets of his well-fitting green
cut-away coat were seen to gape, and Mr. Speatt Senior took the
opportunity of dropping into each of those ducal receptacles a printed
circular, which stated that, owing to the sudden break-up of a well-
known West-End Firm, Speatt & Co. had been able to effect exten-
sive purchases in underclothing at an extraordinary advantage,
which enabled them to supply the Nobility, Gentry, and Public

generally, with first-rate articles at an unprecedented low rate—a
handsome discount allowed for cash.

Jack Speatt appeared on the scene as soon as he heard his Grand-
father's voice, but it was too late to interfere ; and the unconscious
Duke, though much huffed at the untimely interruption, left the
room with all the stately ease and high-bred self-control of a great
British nobleman of the old school, ignoring alike old Speatt's
respectful obeisances, and young Speatt's friendly and familiar
farewell; while the ends of the two printed circulars stuck symme-
trically out.

Buttons, who admired old Speatt more than anybody else in the
world, fairly exploded at this piece of practical fun.

But Mrs. Speatt could contain herself no longer, and gave her
Grandfather-in-law such a piece of her mind as at last enlightened
him about the estimation in which she and her Swell friends held his

Sowers of entertaining the company; so that he left the house bewil-
ered and aghast, with tears in his poor old eyes, and all the jokes
crushed out of his facetious old heart for many a long day to come.

Nor did he ever cross that threshold again, much to the grief _ of
the twins, who, although aesthetically reared, could not help adoring
their mirthful and indulgent old Great-Grandpapa, who made them
laugh so.

And to Jack's grief also, for he had a warm heart, and was tenderly
attached to the old man, in spite of his "larks." _

But in the exciting whirl of his new life, in which the days
flew by like hours, a very few hours siifficed to obliterate these fond
regrets.

And Jack Speatt felt no little elation in the thought that all their
associates, however frivolous, were at least " Ladies and Gentlemen"
a term which was constantly on his lips at this time, and which he
only applied to those who were alike well-born, fashionably dressed,
highly connected, and "in Society."

And now that Mrs. Speatt had so effectually disposed of that in-
convenient old Grandfather of his, he considered himself as good as
any of them ; and bore himself accordingly ; being politely distant
to his inferiors, affable to recognised merit of a high order, free and
easy with his equals, the Swells, and acknowledging no superior
under Royalty.