Punch: Punch (89.1885)

10

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[July 4, 1885,

NEW MEN AND OLD ATTITUDES.

principals of the new conservative comedy company trying to look as much as possible like the old public favourites.

ESSENCE OP PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM

THE DIARY OP TOBY, M.P.

House of Lords, Tuesday Night, June 23.—Happening; to drop
into one of the Paddington Omnibuses this afternoon, thought I saw
familiar figure in the corner. Tall, big-shouldered man. with dark
beard, slight stoop, and small hand-bag. Can it be ? Yes, it is—
the Markiss ?

" Going down to Ascot ? "

"No," he said, "going to "Windsor; accepted office, you know.
Oh no, that was all my fun declaring I wouldn't go in. Wanted to
scare a few friends, and flatter myself I succeeded. You should
have seen some of them—I mention no names—when they heard that
there was a hitch. Thought, too, I'd frighten Gladstone and his
lot. But they seem to have changed their opinion. Were terribly
alarmed, at first, that we would not come in ; but now don't seem
disinclined to go back. I've had a rare time this last week, Toby, I
can tell you. But no use spoiling a joke by keeping it up too long.
So now I'm off to Windsor. Have left Denman in charge_of affairs
in Lords."

So it turned out. Denman, in absence of Markiss, ran the
machine, and nearly broke it up. Wanted to throw out Seats Bill.
But was so terrified by the scowls and frowns of Cranbrook and
others on Front Bench that he dropped his motion like hot potato.
Not to be moved, however, on next business. Has attached himself
to cause of Woman ; is determined she shall have right done to her.

I L T7" 1 * i 1 ' T ^ '11 • i 1 . . _ H "L « 4- n TVT1 n

Becker,

you'll see it'll go through just
Lovely Woman keep her eye on me and I'll pull her through."

Made magnificent and convincing speech in moving Second
Reading of the Bill. When he sat down dead silence prevailed.
House evidently taken by storm. Not a nobleman to get up and
offer reply, however weak." Denman folded his arms and surveyed
the scene with smile of triumph. Hope Lovely Woman was keeping
her eye upon him, for he was certainly pulling her through.
Question put from Woolsack "that Bill be read a Second Time."

" Non-Contents have it," said Lord Chancellor.

Denman looked at him with pitying glance. Going out of office :
naturally in spiteful temper, but, happily, harmless.

" Contents have it," he insisted. They strove in vain against his
determination. House divided, and, somehow or other, people got
into wrong lobbies, only eight voting with Denman, and thirty-six
against. " I believe," said Woodail, savagely, that the other
side have got hold of Denman, and, not able to defeat us other-
wise, induced him to take up our cause."

House of Commons.—State of lively expectation in Commons, hut
nothing particular in fulfilment. Gladstone confirmed statement
privately made to me by Markiss an hour earlier. Conservatives
will take office. Writs to be moved to-morrow, and in the meantime
House adjourns.

Commons, Wednesday. — Umpires called "Over!" and field
changed sides. " You don't move, of course, Toby," said Glad-
stone. " You 're above all Parties. We poor politicians, condemned
to stand on two legs, are swayed hither and thither by the storms of
politics. You, broad-based upon four legs, remain unmoved amid
the convulsions of our little world. Ah ! happy dog I "

Much touched by this confidence. To ordinary people he seems in
highest spirits ; plucked up wonderfully since he went out of Office.
But beneath the mask is a bleeding heart. Yery nicely put, that
about the four legs. But a man can't have everything.

Gladstone read long correspondence between the Markiss and
himself. Method of correspondence rather peculiar. Markiss wants
to say something to Gladstone, so writes letter to the Queen at
Windsor. Queen sends it to Gladstone. Gladstone replies in
letter to the Queen, who forwards it to Markiss, and so on.

"Using Her Ma.test y for a pillar letter-box," says Shaw-Lefeyre,
who regards incoming of Markiss as a personal question arising just
as he was settling down comfortably at St. Martin's-le-Grand.
" Cheaper and quicker to use a penny stamp, and send letter direct
between Downing Street and Arlington Street."

"Not a very safe way either," says Chamberlain. "Evidently
one letter miscarried. On 20th Markiss repeats declaration, ' Can't
take office without specific pledges/ 2lst, W. E. G. repeats refusal
to give them. On 22nd Markiss takes office. Must have been
something to round off his flat refusal of 20th."

Business done.—Rowland Winn moves writs for new Elections.

Thursday.—-Wore new appointments and more writs. House
hears with delight that Ashmead-Bartlett is "one of Her Majesty's
Commissioners for Executing the Office of Lord High Admiral of the
United Kingdom."

"And so you've made Ashmead-Bartlett a sort of Lord High
Admiral," I said to the Markiss, who was hanging about the door of
the House of Lords waiting till half past four to make his entry as
Premier. " This is pretty quick advance for a man who yesterday
was rated A.B."

"Yes," said the Markiss, with a sigh. "It's been a terrible
business all through. But Beach declined to take charge of
Commons unless I gave him a specific pledge to put a stopper on
Ashmead. ' It's a choice between him always asking questions, or
occasionally answering them,' Beach said. ' For peace's sake, put
him on the Treasury Bench.' Had to yield. But it's a bad prece-
dent, and will make the House of Commons unbearable. You'll be
having now half a dozen imitation Ashmead-Bartletts, all practis-
ing ' An Easy Way to the Treasury Bench.'"

Full House in Lords. Markiss introduces himself as Premier, and
has kindly reception. Alludes to Correspondence with Gladstone,
but makes no reference to missing letter. Hardinge Giffard,
curiously observed by Redesdale, partially seats himself on Wool-
sack, " Giving," says Sherbrooke, his poetic mind fired by the
spectacle, "the last touch of grace and. dignity to this gilded
chamber."

Business done.—Parliament adjourns till July Cth.