Punch: Punch (89.1885)

December 19, 1885,] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

297

NON TAILI AUXILIO,

A Protest against the Muzzle-Men.

he adjourned meeting
of the Metropolitan
Dogs' Defence As;
ciation was held at
the premises of the
Kennel Club yester-
day, and was largely
attended. For some
time prior to the com-
mencement of the pro-
ceedings every avail-
able portion of the
yard was occupied by
an orderly and well-
behaved canine crowd,
who followed the
course of events with
the greatest interest,
A Prize St. Ber-
nard, being voted
unanimously into the
Chair, he rose and
said : That, in open-
ing the subject he
need not, he felt, do
more than chronicle
the cause of their
meeting there this
day. They, the dogs
of the Metropolis, of
all sorts and condi-
tions, were assembled
in that yard to protest
against the unjust,

" The little Dog laughed to see such fun! " frivolous6interference
with their liberty just recently carried out, apparently at the sole fiat
of the Chief Commissioner of Police. [Howls.) He was glad to see
that the mention of that official elicited that expression of their
opinion. A more vexatious and troublesome measure it was impos
sible to conceive, and he was determined, for one, to protest to Ms
utmost against it. (Marked and prolonged wagging of tails.) But
he would leave other speakers to have their say on the subject, and
suggest what remedy they could. (Loud barking.)

A Scotch Collie said that he considered the treatment he had been
personally subjected to, quite disgraceful. He had had his licence
properly paid for, and wore a collar bearing his owner's name and
address, and yet he could not leave the house, for a run with one of
the family, without having his head thrust into a horrid wire muzzle,
which bothered him to that extent, that it took all the pleasure out
of his outing. (Yelps.) In fact, he so disliked it, that he would
sooner not go out at all, and what, he should like to know, would
become of a dog of his size pegged up in the house all day? "Why,
it was enough to give him rabies, if he hadn't got it. (Loud bark-
ing, and wagging of tails.)

A Bull Terrier said he thoroughly concurred with the last speaker.
For his part, he could only say, that muzzled or unmuzzled, he would
like to see the Policeman who would lassoo him. (Prolonged wag-
ging of tails.)

A Carriage Pug, who appeared to be in a very plethoric condition,
and addressed the meeting with some difficulty, rose to protest. He
did not see what grievance his .canine brethren had. If they disliked
being muzzled, they. should go in for drawing-room life, as he did.
He got his exercise in the Park, in an open barouche. (Howls.) They
might howl, but he did, and a precious good time he had of it.
(Snarling.)

A French Poodle replied to the last speaker with much warmth.
He said that it was all very well for carriage pets to ignore the
nuisance, but it was a most real and tangible one. Look at his own
ease. Here was he, highly educated and trimmed, and frequently
taken on the back seat himself, yet he felt obliged, for the sake of
his health, to maintain his running exercise. 'Yet how did he get
it ? Only by thrusting his_ head into Colonel Hendebson's metal
cage (howls), and spoiling his moustache, and making himself look
generally miserable and ridiculous. It was a great hardship to thus
afflict respectably supported dogs', because a lot of ownerless curs and
mongrels were roving about loose, and bringing discredit on the
canine species generally. He hoped the peremptory order would
soon be rescinded. (Loud barking.)

A Thorough-bred Mastiff said, all he could say was, that if it
wasn't, the first time he could get a chance he should go out without
a muzzle. (Wagging of tails.) The Policeman who tried to collar

him with a three-foot iron rod had better look out for himself.
(Renewed wagging of tails.) That was all he had to say about it.

A Toy Terrier said that he got on very welljwith a bit of string,
and didn't mind being led. If dogs didn't wish to be kept muzzled,
they shouldn't be so big. (Prolonged howling.)

A large Newfoundland saidj he treated that remark with the con-
tempt it deserved; and though he did not wish to introduce any
personality into the discussion, he could not forbear saying that it
was greatly owing to the snapping propensities indulged in by that
class of abnormally undersized dogs to which the last speaker belonged
that all this vexatious agitation had arisen. (Great wagging of tails.)
He should conclude by moving thejfollowing Resolution" That this
meeting regards the recent order enforcing the indiscriminate appli-
cation of the muzzle to all dogs, of whatever kind or degree, at large,
as a useless, meddlesome, and vexatious exercise of authority, and
is of opinion that steps should be taken to get it modified or repealed
at the very earliest opportunity possible."

Upon this Motion, which was seconded by a 'White Pomeranian,
being put by the Chairman, and carried unanimously, amid great
wagging of tails, accompanied by vociferous barking, the meeting
was about to be adjourned, when considerable commotion was caused
by a report that a Dachs-hund had suddenly gone off its head and
bitten several dogs in its immediate vicinity on the back benches.

The Police interfering in the matter, a general stampede followed,
and the assembly broke up hurriedly in much confusion.

TOTAL OF THE ELECTION.

Gain. Liberal. Loss.

A Majority in Great Britain. The help of the Boycotters.

Habtington's support.
The Grand Old Man.

ChaJiTbeeiain's moderation.
The Grand Old Umbrella.

Conservative.

Salisbttkt's Foreign Luck.

Music-hall Advocacy.

Parnellite.

The assistance of '' Captain Moon- The respect of John Bun.
light."

Chubchill's Tory Democracy.
Theatrical " Reaction."

"THE SWORD IS MIGHTIER THAN THE PEN."

(Old Proverb Improved.)

The Times Correspondent having been ordered to Rangoon by the
General Commanding the Burmese Expeditionary Force (it is to be
hoped because he would make jokes about the Capital turning upon
"Man-delay," as no other excuse for the conduct of General Pbendeb-
gast, K.C.B., can be accepted as entirely satisfactory), we have
immediately supplied his place with a "special" of our own. "We
submit his first despatch:—

(By Private and Confidential Wire.)

The bravery of the troops, in storming the ancient stronghold of
Theebaw was admirable. Every soldier proved himself a hero, but
the greatest of them all, the most heroic of the heroes, was unques-
tionably Pbendebgast, who is known as " Bull-ee," which, being
translated from the native patois into English, means, " The Wild
Lion of the Fierce Battle "Wagers." Never shall I forget the courage
displayed by this grand young soldier as he fought single-handed no
less than twelve dozen Burmans. The admiration and enthusiasm
caused by his gallantry was simply indescribable. Even the wives
of his fallen enemies cried with joy. His administration of the
country, after the sanguinary combat which delivered the place into
his hands, equalled his martial prowess. In twenty minutes he had
introduced into the ".Land of the Shining Moon " Magna Charta,
the Habeas Corpus Act, the sixpenny loaf at twopence-halfpenny,
the cheap parcels' post and the self-acting sewing machine. "With
all this he is as merciful as he is clever, good-natured as he is
clear-headed, beautiful as he is well-read. Never has the world
seen so magnifioent a celebrity, and the sight of such an Admirable
Crichton can not be repeated. _ Major-General Pbendebgast is a
mixture of all that was and is best in Napoleon, Shakspeabe,
Bolton, M.P., Sir Robebt Walteb Cabden, and the cleverest per-
formers (inclusive of the damsel who plays with equal facility the
big drum and the German flute), of the Ladies' Yiennese Orchestra.
The conduct of Pbendebgast is magnifioent, and yet may be called,
with perfect truth, "the war."

P.S.—Please, Sir, I hope you will like the above. If not adequately
complimentary, kindly supply the required epithets, &c.

[Editor's Note.—-From internal evidence, it would seem that our Corre-
spondent's postscript was addressed to the General Commanding, rather than
the General Public. It is more likely to be appreciated by the former than
the latter. But we wait with calm indifference (following the lead of the
Times) for further and better particulars.]