Punch: Punch (89.1885)

58

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 1, 1885.

A PROTEST.

[A consignment of Cat-fish has

been received here.]

Oh, do not bring the Cat-fish,
here:

The Cat-fish is a name of fear.
Oh, spare each stream and
spring:,

The Kennet swift, the"Wandle
clear,

The lake, the loch, the broad,
the mere,

From that detested thing!

The Cat-fish is a hideous beast,

Abottom-f eeder thatdoth feast
Upon unholy bait;

He's no addition to your meal,

He's rather richer than the Eel,
And ranker than the Skate!

His face is broad, and fiat, and
glum,

He's like some monstrous
Miller's-thumb,
He's bearded like the pard;

Beholding him, the Grayling
flee,

TheTrout take refuge in the sea,
The Gudgeons go on guard!

He grows unto a startling size;

The British Matron 'twould
surprise,

And raise her Burning Blush,

To see white Cat-fish, large as
man,

Through what the bards call
" waters wan "

Come with an ugly rush!

They say the Cat-fish climbs
the trees,

And robs the roosts, and, down
the breeze,

Prolongs his caterwaul;

Ah, leave him in his "Western
flood,

"Where Mississippi churns the
mud,

Don't bring him here at all!

THE BITTER CRY OE THE PARLIAMENTARY CLARKE.

" He leaves me out here in the Cold
By Jingo, it's going too far.

Gives nothing ! Oh, yfs, a nice old
Sort of Liberal Party tou are !"

NOTICE TO THE
PUBLIC.

"When our now world-re-
nowned series of " Exteriors and
Interiors" was commenced, we
intimated that, at the end of
the year the illustrations would
be collected, and republished
with a key—with, in fact, a
bunch of keys. As, however,
there may be some delay in
their re-issue in book-form,
we shall adopt on each occasion
one of three courses," i.e., we
may give the key with the pic-
ture, or we may give the picture
in one number, and the key
subsequently in another; or
we may choose to treat them
from time to time as Pictorial
Puzzles, and bestow a Prize
Volume of the collected series
on the competitor who scores
the largest number of suc-
cessful guesses.

"'TIS TRUE, 'TIS PATTI!"

Last Saturday night Mme.
Adelina Patti, after being
complimented on her allowing
nothing to prevent her from
coming to fulfil her engage-
ment at the Royal Italian
Opera—(how very kind of her !
wasn't she paid for it, and at
a pretty considerable figure
too'? or did she do it out of
pure regard for Mr. Mapleson
and her love of singing?)—was
escorted to the Midland Hotel
by a shouting mob, police, and
torch-bearers. "We are sorry
to think that, after giving and
experiencing so much pleasure,
the gifted Songstress should,
have 11 suffered torchers ! "

THE NEW SKOOL OE GILDHALL MUSIC.

"Well, the Copperashun's a going it pretty well I thinks, con-
sidring as its only jest escaped from sudden death or a lingring
consumtion from its resigned enemys. Most Copperashuns and other
Publick Bodies who had bilt the finest set of Markets in the hole
world, and the finest day Skool in the hole world—were the boys
carrys off all the biggest prizes in the hole world, that is to say they
wood if they was strong enuff, but they gits so many on 'em as
they 're forced to have a cab to carry 'em away to their appv omes—
and the finest free Libery in the hole world—were they has such
lots of Reeders that the werry Poplar Libraryun has to send lots on
'em away to the Brittish Mewsceum coz he ain't got room enuff for
'em—wood have thort as they was now intitled to jest a little rest.
But no, not them, for some bold Common Counselman having hinted
at bilding a Skool of Music, sumboddy sed, " Go to Bath! " and he
went to him, and then they both gos to a reglar Emperor of a
Alderman and says to him, " let's have a Skool of Music." " So we
will," says the Alderman, and so they set to work.

And now let us see how the littel idear growed to a werry big 'un.
They fust took a house close by and opened it for a Skool of Musick
and thort to have about 20 skollers. In about a year the Marster
cums and says, " this here Skool ain't harf big enuff, for we 've got
200 skollers insted of 20." So they took another big house next to the
other big house, and that went on for a littel time, and then the
Hed Marster cums again and he says, says he, these two big houses
ain't harf big enuff, for we've got 2000 skollers insted of 200 !

Well, it takes a good deal to estonish the Copperashun, as I werry
well knos, but I'm told as this did estonish 'em jest a bit. And
every body arsked, " "What on airth shall we do ? " Then up sprung
a plucky yung chap, as can sing a song like a bird, and he says, says
he, " "What shall we do ? Why, bild a reglar Pallis as will hold the
blooming lot quite cumferabel." And they all sang in chorus, " And
so we will." And when old Deputy Skinflint said, " How about

the expense ?" the imperial Alderman said, " If there's any bother
about that, I '11 pay it myself." So that little matter was soon
settled.

Then they made the plucky yung chap a Cheerman, and sent him
to lay the fust stone of the new Skool on the Tems Imbankmeant,
witch he did it last Wensday with a lovely reel silwer trowell as big
as a spade, and tho the Lobd Make coudn't cum coz he was a bilding
a Horsepittle or summat of that sort elsewheres, he sent his love to the
plucky Cheerman and lent him won of his Sherry ffs and a Alderman
or too and lots of Deputtys and peeple to help him, so it must have
bin quite a grand site on the Imbankment, witch I regrets as I didn't
see coz I wasn't there, but was told by them as was, and then they
all come back to dinner, and there I did see 'em in coarse. And
werry good appytights their werry ard work seemed to have guv 'em,
and lots on em made speeches, and werry good uns too considring as
they was ony a Mewsical Committy. And the Hedhitter of the
Times was there, and he said—as ony sitch a mitey swell coud say—
" If the Copperashun spends about a hundred thousand pound in
bilding up a Skool of Musick, it will shew as they are worthy of the
Times !" It's suttenly a large price to pay for siteh a honner, but I
spose as it carn't well be done for less, and so Cheerman Moerison
says, " Bight you are !" and so it's as good as dun.

The Cheerman made werry short speaches, witch for wunce we was
werry sorry for, as he speaks werry well, but he made hup for it by
singing a grand song in his own grand style. But he quite surprised
us all by showing us wot a horful raddical he is ! Why, he sung a
song about a King's life being nuffin compared to a Common Coun-
selman's, witch although I dessay it's trew enuff, for I don't suppose
as there's any life as cums near a Copporashun Cheerman's, yet all us
"Waiters thort that as it 'ud be better, when so many Press Gents was
present, jest to keep it a little dark, or there '11 be such a rush for the
places as 'ud a little estonish the present occypents of oomferel Cop-
perashun Cheers.

I noticed as a singler cohincidents, that wen he said in his song,
" The King can drink the best of wine, bo can I! " every wun of the