Punch (72.1877)

60

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[February 10, 1877.

FILIAL ANXIETY.

"Going to Paris to-morrow, Tom! How's that?:
" My poor old Governor's taken III there ! "
" Going by Dieppe, or Boulogne ?"
" Bather think I shall go vid Monaco!"

PENDING- THEATRICAL ACTIONS.

Against Mr. Hollingshead, for saying Jones was " a
duffer."

Against Mr. Henderson, for declaring that what-
ever Miss Poppy Lolly might know about break-downs,
she couldn't dance one.

Against Mrs. Bancroft, for objecting to Green, the
Gasman, that he never lit the float without breaking one
shade at least.

Against Mr. Hare, for refusing to accept Miss
Semolina Siddonson as a substitute for Miss Terry,
and remarking that " she" (Miss S. S.) " wasn't up to
the mark."

Against Mrs. John Wood, for suggesting that Miss
Montorgeutl was too stiff for the part of First Guest in
the Danischcffs.

Against Mrs. Swanborough, for implying that
Mr. Walpole Belmont was a Pignoramus for dropping
his h's into the orchestra.

Against Mr. Buckstone, for turning away a Properly-
Master who looked on the Manager's spoons as his own
property.

Against Mrs. Bateman, for informing a friend that
Mr. Percy Battens, the low comedian from the Elephant
and Castle, would not be able to double Mr. Irving in
Richard the Third.

Against Mr. James, for hinting to the family grocer
that the butter supplied to his own table was " inferior
Dosset."

Against Mr. Punch for publishing the above.

JOHN PARRY'S FAREWELL.

At four o'clock this Wednesday, February 7th, after
the performance of The Critic, which commences at 2'15,
our dear old friend, John Parry, the most entertaining
of all entertainers, comes forward on the stage of the
Gaiety Theatre to "recall reminiscences of bygone days
under the title of Echoes of the PastJ' One of his
reminiscences is to be The Tenor and the Tin Tack. Let
those who see this notice, and who have left their
chance of getting a seat for the Farewell Performance to
the last moment, rush down, or telegraph at once, to
the Box-office of the theatre, for The Tenor and the Tin
Tack may not be given again, and those who lose this
great opportunity will never cease to reproach themselves
for their neglect. But whether it be John Parry in The
Tenor and the Tin Tack, or in La Lezione di_ Canto, or
an Operatic Rehearsal, we, in our time, shall, in all pro-
bability, never hear or look upon his like again—that is,
in his peculiar line, d la mode de Parry.

NEW FACTS AND OLD FABLES.

Dear Mr. Punch,

In. spite of the dictum of Rousseau, the fable or apologue,
based upon the characteristics of the animal kingdom, has been
generally considered one of the most valuable aids in the instruction
of youth. But really, Sir, the animal kingdom—I use the term
comprehensively—has of late been so turned topsy-turvy by scientific
explorers and theorists that there would seem to be urgent need
for a revised iEsop, and a remodelled Dr. Watts. I really think
that writers and lecturers ought to be more careful in their revela-
tions, and count the cost of introducing complete chaos into the
ancient and honourable realm of Fable. Conceive the condition
of a parent, guardian, or instructor, emphasising moral counsel of the
most irreproachable sort by time-honoured references to the ant and
the bee, and being pulled up short by some sharp child well-posted
in the latest investigations of Lubbock. It would be disconcerting,
not to say demoralising. Sir John has already done his best to
demolish the reputation of the bee as the moral exemplar to man-
kind. He is now as laboriously undermining the ethical character
of the ant. I want to know what is to become of our Fables if this
sort of thing is to go on ? With what shall we point our copybook
morals, and how shall we adorn our nursery tales ? The fresh facts
—if facts they be—furnished by Lubbock, scarcely lend themselves
to the old treatment. How doth the Little busy bee ? Well, not
entirely in such sort that one could say to a child, without careful
qualification, " Go thou and do likewise! " Dickens was dreadfully
severe upon the bee. But then he was only a wild and ribald
humorist. The cold and deliberate attacks of Lubbock are far more
dangerous to the exemplary insect's moral prestige. Shall we continue

to bid the sluggard consider formic practice and polity with a view
to imitation? Sir John declares that some ants are industrious, but
others exceedingly idle, too lazy, indeed, to feed or clean themselves,
and entirely dependent on slaves. Lazy! uncleanly! and tyrannical!
Are these the qualities and practices as a bright example of which
we are to set the ant before our erring youth ?

I would earnestly ask Sir John whether any problematical
benefit to be derived from his patient, and, as it seems to me, un-
pleasant prying into the penetralia of hives . and ant-hills can
compensate for the shock which will be sustained by our whole
system of moral teaching by apologue, if his unwelcome revelations
become widely credited.

" The Lion is the King of Beasts;
He noble is, and strong !"

How often' have I thrilled over that couplet in the days of my
childhood. I can hardly realise to myself the shock it would have
caused my youthful enthusiasm if any one had assured me—as
they tell us now—that the Lion, the Lion of Androcles, of the
British Standard, of a thousand moving tales and awe-inspiring
figures, is but a cat-like creature, and, in fact, very much_ of a
coward ! WeU, the herald has his conventional menagerie of
abnormal birds, amazing beasts, and apocryphal fishes—can they
not leave us, for the invaluable purposes of the moral apologue, the
Conventional Lion, the Conventional Bee, and the Conventional Ant?

Your Obedient Servant,

Mr. Barlow's Ghost.

The New Form of Cattle-Plague {from a Butcher's point of
vieiv).—American Beef.