Punch (72.1877)

March 10, 1877.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

1©5

RECONSTITUTION OF THE IRISH SOCIETY.

[By and for the Irish.)

he following
scheme lor a new
Organisation of
the Irish Society
has been dropped
into Mr. Punch's
letter-box. Mr.P.
has no clue to the
authorship, unless
such a clue may be
afforded by a torn
card, containing
only the words,
"Majoe O'G—,"
and a much soiled
paper, apparently
a portion of a pro-
vision merchant's
little account,
which seemed to
have found their
way by oversight
into the envelope.
The rules are
written in two
very irregular
hands, with great
variety of ortho-
graphy, some-
times the phonetic method, and sometimes the established rule
being followed. We have .restored the conventional spelling
throughout, except in the case of a few Irishisms.

I. The Society, known as the Irish Society, elected out of the
London Livery Companies, shall and do from the date of these
presents renounce and surrender, freely, voluntarily, absolutely,
and of their own consent, or it will be worse for them, all their
right, property, and claims in the estates, lands, demesnes, and
their appurtenances, heretofore known as the estates of the
Irish Society in Derry, and Coleraine, or elsewhere, wheresoever
and whatsoever, as hereinafter provided.

II. All base, brutal, and Saxon use of the humiliating word
" livery," in connection with the Trustees of the said Society, shall
cease henceforth and for ever, and any use of the word in connec-
tion with such Trustees, shall from the date of these presents
be punishable as a felony by fine and imprisonment, without
benefit of clergy.

III. Three hundred and sixty-five Trustees of the said pro-
perty and estates, whatsoever and whensoever, shall be elected,
by universal suffrage, at a date to be fixed by the Act confirming
the present Constitution, by the Irish people, from the people of
Ireland.

IV. For the purpose of such election, every voter entitled to vote
shall have one vote for himself and one or more for everybody else,
but shall be at liberty to lump either vote upon both, or all on
either.

Y. The said three hundred and sixty-five Irishmen so elected,
irrespective of faith or faction, creed, country, or colour of their hair,
to be the sole Executive of the New Irish Society, and to enter on
the administration thereof, for the benefit of the people of Ireland,
such benefit to be distributed and apportioned in proportions to be
hereafter determined according to the creeds and populations of
counties. The farmers' clubs in the said several counties to fix the
said prop ortions.

VI. Any dispute that may arise during the said elections, or in fixing
the said proportions, to be settled by arbitration with the ancient
national weapon of the Milesian people, the blackthorn, or shil-
lelagh.

VII. All such weapons to be cut and trimmed to a scale and
weight, to be approved by the Irish Society, as hereby reconstituted,
and after a standard, to be kept in the archives of the Society,
under three locks, to be retained always by the Master of the Society
for the time being, and his predecessor and successor.

. ;11L Every Trustee of the Society to have been born and to live
m Ireland for the term of his natural life, and in the event of his
being elected to serve in the Parliament of Great Britain, to bind
himself by oath to vote with the Irish Home Rule party for the time
being, as required by its recognised leader, and if there be two or
more such leaders, by the one he likes best.

IX. JNo Lord Mayor or Alderman of London to be eligible as
lrustee ot the said Society, unless he is an Irishman by birth and
nationality, and if any such should be chosen, he shall abjure his

allegiance to the Municipality of London before entering on his duties
as a Trustee of the Society.

X. No tenant of the said lands or estates to be liable to eviction
for any cause whatsoever, except in the event next hereinafter
provided. All such tenants to be treated aisy in regard to their rints,
and quarter-days to be shifted to suit their convenience.

XL Any tenant on the said lands and estates to be liable to
summary eviction if he be found calling for any drink other than
native Irish whiskey, or for drink that has paid duty, when there is
any other to be had.

XII. The charge for "management and refreshment" to be a
fixed charge on the rental of the said lands and estates, and to
stand as in the present accounts of the said Society, at i'4,500
per annum, with a margin for extras. The item "Management,"
to include among such extras arms and ammunition required by
tenants and trustees of the said estates for attack and defence ; and
the item " Refreshment," to include among such extras doctors'
bills, funeral expenses, and other necessary appurtenances and
appliances of social enjoyment.

XIII. All Trustees attending the meetings of the Society to be
required to leave their bits of twigs outside the door of the place
of meeting.

XIV. Three Trustees to be a quorum, unless more are present
within three hours of the time fixed for any meeting.

XV. In the event of the Trustees being reduced by any difference
of opinion, arbitration, or argument, or the consequences thereof,
within the next three years below a quorum, as hereinbefore con-
stituted, the management of the said land and estates to pass to a
Gentleman who has long been known as the truest Friend of Ireland,
not meaning Me. Butt, Q.C., as to whom the present schame
desires to express no opinion, beyant remarking that it is a pity if
he's the best that can be got to spake up for ould Ireland.

XVI. In the event ot the said Friend of Ireland coming into the
management of the said lands and estates, he shall be required
to add to his name the definite article of Milesian tribal chieftain-
ship, and the vowel of Milesian patronymic significance, and be
known as The O'Punch, meaning thereby the Irish whiskey Punch,
and he will be further required to bind himself, before the Six
Masters in Chancery and Irish History, to drink nothing but that
same for the rest of his natural life.

[ The last page is written in a hand that keeps growing more and
more difficult to decipher, till at last it becomes utterly unintelli-
gible, and the last page is suddenly torn across, as if in a struggle
for its possession.]

OUR NOVEL SERIES.

ALL IN THE DOWNS;

OK, THE BOTTOMKY BOND!

a nautical novel, by

S. PL-MS-LL, M.P.

Chaptee II.—Flat Sam and Jet Sam.

The Stevedore grasped his knife.

You shall hear from me ! " he muttered.
Billy heeded him not.

" I have heard o/you already," he replied. " You don't suppose
I Ve wormed in Brazilian Waters for nothing ! "*
The Spaniard grew livid.

" l)o not provoke him any further ! " entreated Maet.

" Leave him to me ! " said the Junior Warden, pushing the others
aside—" to me and the Law ! "

William started, but he was rooted to the spot by the apparition
of a short man, in a suit of rusty black, with a set of papers under
his arm.

"Now," said the Junior Warden, "answer me! You took out
a charter-party ? "

" Aye, aye, yer Honour, for a row, and brought 'em back safely."

"But you ran into a sheer hulk, without speaking with her! "
said the Warden.

" Avast there, your Honour ! " answered William:. " We
couldn't speak with her, 'cos she was a Dumb Barge."

" And," returned the Junior Warden, sternly, " she couldn't see
you, as the unfortunate creature had no lights, and only dead eyes.
You are charged with incalculable damage."

" By whom ? " asked William, boldly.

"By this gentleman," replied the Warden, pointing to the person
in black. " He is the Average Stater, and never overshoots his mark.
Your boat was confiscated for these damages, this day at twelve
o'clock. It is now five minutes past."

* "What does "wormed " mean ?—Note Ed.
Vide Nautical Dictionary.—Ans. S. P.