Punch (72.1877)

132

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 24, 1877.

WELL TURNED.

Minister {rcj>roachfulhj, to bibulous Village Barber with shaking Hand). "Af

John, John ! That Whiskey--" !

Barber (condolcntly). " Aye, Sib, it mak's the Skin unco Tender ! "

TEETH BEFORE KNIVES, AND FINGERS BEFORE FORKS.

" At a meeting of the Trustees of Anderson's Institution, Elgin, the other day, the
Governor stated that neither the boys nor the girls in the Institution were provided with
knives and forks—they conveyed their beef, &o. to their mouths with their hands. The
Trustees present all said that they had never heard of this omission before, though some of
them had been visiting the Institution for forty years ; and the Provost having characterised
it as scandalous, a supply of knives and forks was ordered to be procured forthwith."—
Dundee Advertiser.

And yet Lord Francis Hervey maintains that' Sir John Lubbock's Bill
for the Preservation of Ancient Monuments is not wanted !
Here is another of these Monuments gone !

With this primitive custom of the Andersonian Institute of Elgin disappears
one more of the few surviving traces of the simple usages of our Northern
ancestry, as instructive, in its way, as the kitchen-middens, which, if properly
sought, might, we should think, very likely still be found in course of actual
accumulation under the cathedral walls of Elgin.

Before all these ancient monuments are swept away by the rude and reckless
hand of so-called " Civilisation," why should not the Oeographical and Anti-
quarian Societies combine for a systematic and well-equipped exploring expedi-
tion to these Northern regions P Who knows what might reward well-directed
exploration ? Mr. Smiles has already made a famous find in Banff, in Tam
Edward, the self-taught, self-encouraged, and self-supporting " Scotch
Naturalist." Who can say what curious discovery may be awaiting the
intelligent explorer in the neighbouring burgh of Elgin, now that we know,
from the paragraph we have quoted, that it still boasts a charitable and
educational Institution to which knives and forks had not found their way in
the seventy-seventh year of the nineteenth century ?

mus. doc.

Degree lately conferred by the University of Cambridge on Herr Joachim
-Fiddle D.D.

A Cry from Underground.—The Railway Passengers' Duty—To shut the
door after him when he gets out.

THE NEW-WORLD LESBIA'S LAMENT.

" Perhaps the irrepressible sparrow does not interest English
people quite as much as it does us, but really, after all the
affectionate care we have shown to that brown-coated chirruper,
it is distressing to announce the fact that he is leaving the snug
cotes we have fixed him up at the hub of the universe. Yet,
during the late cold-snap we have had in Boston, and the State-
generally, the sparrows we coaxed over and believed we had
made into Sankeess—real blue bloods—have gone off in flock
' westward,' as the Empire is said to grow. Where in the West
they have gone we know not."—Better of " A Sentimental
American" in the " Times."

Ungrateful Bird ! Thy cheeping note
And bead-black eye and plain brown coat

To Lesbia were dearer
Than showier plumage, sweeter song,
For that they seemed, with impulse strong,
To knit far-kindred, sundered long,

And bring the old home nearer.
Now thou hast faithless turned, and iled.
Far rather had I mourned thee dead !

Did I not pet thee, praise thee, thiLk
The oriole and the bobolink

Extremely small potatoes
Compared with thee ?— an alien bii d !
Thy ditty, dullest ever heard,
To Patti's warbling I preferred.

A heart as stern as Cato's
Might pity Lesbia's anguished breast,
Now her pet Sparrow has—flown Wett!

Ready-made nest and cosy cote
I built thee, that thy twittering note

Might glad me night and morning.
I fed thee, coaxed thee, cracked thee up,
Observed thee breakfast, watched thee sup,
And now, to brim my sorrow's cup,

Thou 'rt gone, thy Lesbia scorning.
Of her warm love hadst thou no sense,
That one " cold-snap " could drive thee hence ?

Perchance some London Lesbia smiks —
Amidst whose chimney-pots and tiles

Thou art not loth to linger.
Yet loves she thee as she might love
Her pet canary, or her dove ?
Didst ever perch upon her glove,

Or feed from her fair finger ?
Then why her house-tops haunt, and why
A far more loving mistress fly P

The tender emerald English grass
We strove to grow; in vain, alas !

Their Ivy failed to flourish
On Harvard's walls ; and now this prize
We fondly thought to Yankeeise,
The bird I stooped to idolise,

To praise, and pet, and nourish,
Has flown, with frost, to the far West,
Leaving that warmest, whitest nest—
That's now an aching void—my breast!

Lady Helps and Lady Hands.

GOVERNESS.—Wanted, a Young Lady, about twenty-
five, to take entire charge of a little Girl, aged nine, and
her wardrobe, and to carefully train and educate her in English,
French, Music, Singing, Drawing, and Needlework, and assist
a little in housekeeping.—Address, stating full particulars of
experience, salary required, &c.

WANTED, good General Servant, able to cook for a
small family; also a Nurse. Washing put out; all found.
—Address, &c. Eeply personally or by letter, stating wages.

Which of these places would you rather take the
chance of, my well-bred and well-educated little dears,
who may one day have your livelihoods to earn ?

to a son.

Give up Whist, my boy, and take to your books.
3urn the midnight Hoyle, in fact. Burn your Caven-
dish, too,—not by instalments, but as an auto dafe.