Punch (72.1877)

144 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 31, 1877.

THE STATUS QUO ANTE."

Squire {desiring to improve the taste of his Country Friends, has introduced at his
table, in the place of the usual brandicd Spanish and Portuguese wines, the natural
vintages of France and Germany). " Now, Mr. Barleymeap, how do you like
this ' Chateau Laittte ' ? Another Glass-"

Farmer B. "Thanky, Sir; it's uncommon nice.—{He had drunk a bottle or
two.)—But we don't seem to get no forruder ! !"

THE CREWS AND COLOURS;

OR, AFTER THE DEAD-HE AT.
By Kimm Hup, Esq.

I am a Coster well to do ;

I keeps my cart and donkeys two,

And daily drives 'em up and down

The road 'tween 'Ammersmith and Town.

And every blessed vear, the Blues,
Of Oxford and of Cambridge Crews,
On every think wot passes by,
Continaily do ketch my heye.

'Taint only nateral for the gals

To wear 'em, cos they loves fal-lals.

But likewise all the t'other sex

Got ribbons round their 'ats and necks.

There's colours nigh the 'andle tips
Of all the cab and busmen's whips ;
And one or t'other bow appears
About most mokes' and osses' ears.

But bein of himparshal mind,
Nor more to neither side inclined,
I sports an 'atband for one Crew,
"With fogle of the rival blue.

And also to keep up the joke,

Light Blue and dark on either moke ;

Till every party passin' we

Applauds, and cries, " There goes them Three ! "

But this 'ere time we three was right
In sportin' dark and also light;
Although we did it hall for fun :
As neither on 'em lost nor won!

Lessons in Massacre.

{For Young Ladies.)

How to smile, and murder while you smile.
How to look die-away while busy in destroying.
How to have a fellow's heart out of him in no time.
How to be the death of any number of partners.
How to cultivate Vceil assassin, in toilette de matin, de
promenade, de voiture, et de soir, respectively.

(Taught in easy lessons, by Mr. Punch, to such pretty
girls as may honour him with their confidence.)

A GOOD EXAMPLE.

"He [Dr. Schliemann] was attracted to the lady who is now Mrs. Schlie-
mann by her ability to translate the ' Song Divine,' and has since cultivated
her powers by refusing in their walks to enter upon other subjects before she
had repeated a certain number of lines."—Times, March 17.

Already we hear from every side of the good effects produced by
this excellent peripatetic example. It is rapidly influencing other
couples. Its beneficial operation upon hearts which know and under-
stand each other can hardly be over-estimated. Here are one or two
instances, selected at random, of its marvellous working in this short
space of time.

Mr. and Mrs. Stanhope Gates regularly when they are in Town
take a walk together every morning in Kensington Gardens after
breakfast. They now enter upon none of the ordinary topics of con-
versation until Mrs. Gates has recited, to the satisfaction of her
husband, either a scene from Shakspeare, or one of Milton's
minor poems.

Mr. Montagu Turtle and Miss Juliet Dove have lately become
engaged, and never miss a day without spending some portion of it
in each other's society. If it is fine, they meet in the Park, or the
" Grove," or on the Embankment. If the weather is unfavourable
to outdoor mutual adoration, Montagu calls at the house of Juliet's
Aunt. He is a devout scholar of Carlyle and Rusein, and. it has
now become the inexorable rule that, after the first greetings, not
another word shall be spoken until darling Juliet—the most
amiable girl breathing, but wanting, perhaps, a little cultivation-
has repeated a selected passage from one of the two great authors
just mentioned.

See! Mr. and Mrs. Grey Mayor pacing up and down the well-
kept paths of their roomy garden before luncheon. He raises his
sonorous voice, he uses gesture, emphasis, action! She, a superior
woman, an intellectual being, a keen politician, listens eagerly with
rapt attention to the latest leader on the Peace Negotiations, which

Mr. Grey Mayor has been busy since breakfast learning by heart
in his little study.

Those attached sisters Emmeline and Hermione agreed at once to
convert their daily rides into a source of intellectual enjoyment and
improvement, instead of making them an occasion of frivolous
gossip about parties, amusements, the milliner's art, and butterfly
novels. Between canters, they repeat to each other alternately
passages from their favourite poets and philosophers, both home and
foreign ; and now and again they rein up their steeds beneath the
stately trees and read translations of some of the choicest examples
of melody, diction, and profundity.

The young Ladies who are finishing their education under the eye
of Miss JDe Coram, have voluntarily determined to devote the first
half of the hour allotted for noonday recreation in the spacious
grounds attached to Lawn Mansion, to questioning each other on
the leading events in Grecian and Roman History.

Rowland Tuxford is enchanted with the prospect. He is going
again to Thistlebury, this next long Vacation, to read at the
Vicarage, and foresees that it will not be distasteful to the eldest
daughter of the house to listen to him, in their country rambles,
while he pours forth long quotations from his favourite author—
Euclid. _

Our Novel Series. (To the Public.)

Up to the present time the "successful competitor has been cer-
tainly Mr. Pl-ms-ll. We await with anxiety the first instalment
of Sir W-lfr-d L-ws-n's contribution.^ We have not yet been put
in possession of the title, but, from a hint that has been dropped in
our Office, we fancy that we shall not be far out in announcing the
name of the Novel in question as—

" 0 Reservoir : A Story of Waterloo."

It will appear immediately after the Recess.